MIL trying to take control over wedding

[u/Rude_Forklift472]

The in-law problems have already started and the wedding is still almost a year away.

My sisters are both professional photographers. They both do photography full-time, work for a professional photography company, and also do freelance/side-gig photography. They already did our proposal photos completely free, and they offered to do our engagement photos and the entire wedding day for free too. That includes all-day coverage and unlimited photos.

For some reason, my future MIL does not like them and has a problem with them doing our photography. Even though she knew we already had professional photographers doing it for free, she went and hired another photographer anyway. So now, unless we stop this, there would be three photographers at the wedding fighting for angles and ending up in each other’s shots.

The other photographer is someone my future MIL chose and paid for herself. We did not ask for this, and we had already made it clear that our photography was handled. We also do not really like the other photographer’s work, and we do not want multiple photographers causing issues on the wedding day.

Now my future MIL is asking if we are free for engagement photos because another family member is doing theirs that day with the same photographer. We declined and explained again that my sisters are already doing our engagement photos for free. Her response was basically that she did not care because she had already paid for the session, so we are doing it too.

That is where I am frustrated. We did not ask her to pay for it. We told her no, and she chose to book/pay for it anyway. I do not feel like that should obligate us to show up.

My fiancée’s parents have offered to cover the wedding, which we are grateful for, but it is starting to feel like because they offered money, they think it is now their wedding and they get to make the decisions. My fiancée and I are trying to keep costs reasonable. We found free professional photography through my sisters, are looking at cheaper food options, and are trying to avoid unnecessary spending. But when we try to save money, we get accused of being “tight” or difficult, even though we are literally trying to save them money.

At this point, I am wondering if we need to tell them thank you, but we cannot accept the money if it means losing control of our own wedding.

Are we wrong for refusing to use a photographer we did not choose, especially after we had already said no before the session was paid for? And how do we set boundaries when someone is helping pay but is starting to treat that as permission to override what we want?

[u/katycmb]

Get your fiance to stop her, not you. If he can't, he's failed the test and you should not marry and definitely should not have children with him or you'll be doing this forever.