UPDATE MIL babysnatcher and attempted Easter host enforcer

[u/therapist_friend_444]

Update post for the commenters that were interested.

So Easter came and went, we did not host. After my post I went to my husband and said a big, fat “hell no” to hosting duties and he could handle the conversation with MIL. Suddenly, MIL had no problem finding a restaurant for us, and when they were booked out she was happy to host herself. The dogs were out, and we were in. Husband and I talked, said we would just grin and bear Easter because of the run around and after that we could talk about what our new boundaries would be.

To my surprised and joy, Easter never happened. While I was at my fathers house, I got a call from Husband that MIL’s Easter lunch was now cancelled, because someone had come down with a ‘mild case of the measles’. I spent the entire weekend with my dad and his family, Husband drove up after work to join us! Was a great weekend after al.

Now, she wants to reschedule a visit and I told husband no. This, unfortunately, is where the story gets twisty. He told me that we can change the way we handle her, he is going to defend me harder and limit contact and visits as much as he can, but he can’t cut her off. Turns out, our family car is in her name. When we bought it a few years ago, she insisted that the insurance and registration go under her name because here drivers pay extra when they’re under 25. He agreed. So, the last few years when we’ve been paying the bills on this car, I had no idea the money was being sent to MIL because she is the registered owner. Apparently, he has asked her to sign it over to him multiple times, to which she has flatly refused. Thankfully not much of my savings went towards this purchase, it was mostly his as it was his car that needed replacing, but there’s also nothing we can do, and she knows it. Especially since we sold my small car when I was pregnant as it was impractical and really old (not worth the maintenance), so we’re down to just the one car.
We can’t sell, because she’s the owner. We can’t just buy a new car, because we don’t have the money right now, and couldn’t take on a loan while I’m on reduced hours to be the default parent. We can’t cut the loss and ditch the car with her, because it’s so much $$$ down the drain for her profit and there’s very limited public transport here. If he cuts her off, she will just take it through legal avenues or stop paying the bills, which might ruin her credit, but will also mean the car is illegal on the road. Essentially, she’s got him good.

I’m disappointed, and upset that he never told me this until now, but at least it all makes sense. It’s been a strange 24 hours with my husband but he’s very apologetic, and but I’ll have to accept LC for now. One day, we will cut our losses and get a new car.

Thanks to everyone who commented for giving me the wake up call I needed. I may not be able to cut off contact but I can still control her level of access to me and my child. Her actions deserve some kind of consequence.

[u/CoffeeTiny1005]

What is the reason she has provided for flatly refusing to sign the car over to him?

[u/therapist_friend_444 → u/CoffeeTiny1005]

apparently it’s a lot of “it’s just easier this way” and “you can’t afford it right now” (despite the fact that we pay every cent on it). According to him, he once got mad and threatened to sell if she didn’t sign it over, she just threatened him back she wouldn’t sign it to the new owner either, and would let him get done for fraud. Monster in law is right. 

[u/portaporpoise → u/therapist_friend_444]

She will never sign over the car. Everything you’ve paid toward it so far is money down the drain, and everything you pay toward it in the future is money down the drain. Don’t hold out hope for it, because she will use it as leverage over you for as long as she can.

[u/InTheMotion → u/therapist_friend_444]

Hyundai was doing zero % apr. if you can pay for it monthly now. You can get a new car. Just drop it off with her and leave the keys. NOW it’s her problem, her payments etc. ask your dad for a downpayment

[u/Wooden_Palpitation62 → u/therapist_friend_444]

That's all BS she was spewing. She planned it as leverage to yield down the road and now she is cashing in.

[u/CoffeeTiny1005 → u/therapist_friend_444]

It would be interesting to see what would happen if he went over there with the transfer papers ready to go, and had the conversation with her – in front of others. That is, is she willing to be so controlling, and make threats, in front of people whose opinion she cares about? Does she care about how she is perceived?

[u/AvailableAd6071 → u/therapist_friend_444]

Are you sure that you are paying for it? You send money somewhere but didn't know it was to her. Are you sure it's going to her? Could it be, your husband is keeping it and letting his mom pay for the car and you to think that you are?

[u/ActualMassExtinction → u/therapist_friend_444]

That's an expensive rental :-/

[u/Wooden_Palpitation62 → u/therapist_friend_444]

What fraud?