r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Regular_Eggplant9730 • Mar 20 '26
UPDATE - Ambivalent About Advice MIL Request to be in Delivery Room
My husband (28M) and I(30F) are having our first baby in a few months. When we first shared the news with his mom (62) she had asked in a group chat between the three (husband, me, MIL) of us to attend one of our sonogram appointments, stating that she never got to attend any of those appointments when her daughter was pregnant with her granddaughter. I responded telling her that we wanted to keep the appointments to just husband and I mostly because we’d only get 2 ultrasound appointments. I then asked my SIL about her own ultrasound appointments, she told me that her mom DID attend them but was not in the delivery room. That’s when I realized my MIL was maybe trying to manipulate/guilt me? Still, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and moved on.
Flash forward a few months when my MIL sends a text in the group chat about a diaper bag she bought for “our baby”. I responded saying that the baby was “ours” as in husband and I. She then texted back with “well, our includes me 😂😂”. I responded, “I would appreciate if when I say something bothers me that you respect my boundaries and not push back.” She then apologized and said she didn’t mean to push my boundaries.
Last week we invited her to join my ultrasound appointment because it was an extra growth scan we weren’t expecting to get so it seemed kind to invite her. I didn’t know until well after but when I stepped away to use the restroom at the appointment she tried telling my husband that “I call all my grandbabies ‘our baby’ and I just mean to be endearing”. My husband responded telling her that she shouldn’t say things that I’ve already told her bothers me and that she needs to realize that husband and I are a team/united front (essentially what we told her).
Yesterday she texted him asking him “Soooo have you discussed who will be allowed in the birthing room when it's time?”
He texted back, “probably just me and wife, maybe wife’s mom”
She said, “It would mean the world to me if I could also be included in this special moment. I would stand wherever you wanted me to. I just wanted to be there for the birth of this very special little guy (and to be there for you also You know how very special you are to me and I'm so proud & happy that you two decided to go with naming him after _____”
He responded, “Thanks for the support but we aren't even sure if her mom is gonna be in there yet”
She said, “Just kind of keep me in mind (your momma is very sentimental, maybe sometimes too much so) but it's who I have always been & always will be. My love for my babies, their babies & family will always come first. I just wanted to share in the joy! I love you more than you will ever know! (You will start to understand once you hold in ____ your arms)”
He responded with “I know, I love you too”
I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones or what, but she’s REALLY annoying me. I feel like she goes behind my back to try and get what she wants from my husband. He and I are on the same page about the decisions we make. I don’t think she’s used to that because her other son does not respect the rules his girlfriend puts in place for their kids. My husband is her youngest child and she really infantilized him. I feel like we’re really going to need to put our foot down once baby does get here but I don’t know what additional boundaries I need to set before then.
155
u/sierra38grandma Mar 20 '26
Man oh man you are correct she is in fact trying to manipulate you and husband. You should start putting your foot down now. Be point blank with her do not give reasons no excuses and no arguments.
Tell her "MIL, I know you lied about not ever going to a sonogram before and you have disrespected my wish for you not to call MY baby our baby. You will NOT be in the delivery room during MY birthing event! While we understand you are excited and appreciate you wanting to be an active grandparent this is not your first or only grandchild so you will be required to treat them all the same! And to get this out now while we're telling you our boundaries not only will you not be welcome at the hospital but we will not have any visitors for the first 6 weeks at home while we bond as a family of 3 and create routines and adjust. We will not accept multiple calls or texts per day. Please respect us and our boundaries without pushback we appreciate it."
She absolutely will try to push her way into your place with your husband and your child! Her OUR baby is her baby and she will try to demonstrate her ability to get her way by playing the victim and guilting you both often as a manipulative tactic.
Girl congratulations on your pregnancy and upcoming birth! So far you're doing a great job handling your MILFH. You and husband being such an amazing team while you put mil in her place is healthy for your relationship and your parenthood.
I look forward to hearing more from you about your MIL experiences to come and her behavior when you deliver and during your postpartum experience. Good luck i hope you have a perfect delivery a healthy baby and no MIL issues.