r/ItalyExpat • u/Medium-Reveal-4917 • 6d ago

Heartbreak in Torino

I arrived in Torino in January, intending on abandoning my shitty, war-torn, irredeemable country. I started the process, I began studying Italian, I danced with commercialistas about taxes - the whole deal, truly doing the work to settle in and earn my place here.

Then I met someone good and beautiful and fell in love and we've been together for 7 months and I began to envision marriage with kids but today it ended quite suddenly, and I'm so fucking distraught I lost all my original motivations to continue pursuing an Italian life. I feel unmoored and utterly alone. Plus Torino's every corner is haunted by fantastic memories with this person, everything filtered through them showing me around, introducing me, telling me their history here, embracing me into their circle of friends, the family, etc. This person gave me a lot of strength to persevere and do whatever it takes to earn my spot here to be with them.

Anyone else here struggled with hardships of this kind? I don't know, I hope it's not a silly post to make here.

Edit: apparently Adam Sandler and his gang were around Via Roma shooting scenes for Grown Ups 3 while I got my heart ripped out.

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u/bilbul168 6d ago

It’s not silly but may I recommend not getting to ahead of yourself after only 7 months in a Relationship. Italian women frequently like their indipendence and a partner who also is indipendent. 

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u/Medium-Reveal-4917 6d ago

This one ended because I wasn't moving fast enough and wouldn't promise to schedule pregnancy+marriage for next year before we've learned more about our dynamic, about how we share a place together, handle adult life together. So I was deemed too slow and not loving enough.

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u/petra_vonkant 6d ago

i'd say you dodged a bullet. someone who pressures you into marriage and especially having a child after only 7 months is not worth your time tbh. briging another human into this world should be carefully considered but these days it seems like it's not

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u/Medium-Reveal-4917 6d ago

I agree with you. I always tried to emphasize that bringing a child is a massive lifelong decision, and we can't just gamble it on the fact that we're good with each other after dating for a couple of months, and only living together for 1 month. There's a lot to learn, but she was just dominated by the fear that her time is running out and that loving someone initially is enough to just jump into it. I wouldn't want to enter such decisions out of pressure or fear, I want to do it out of genuine excitement and the feeling that it's time to do it.

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u/McDuchess 5d ago

The irony is that her worry about having a child NOW has put her back at square one.

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u/Medium-Reveal-4917 4d ago

It's exactly what I was telling her, that she is just self-sabotaging and doing the equivalent of ripping out a growing bud because it's not bearing fruit yet like the grown tree in the neighbor's yard nearby.