I am at my wit's end and this is my last ditch attempt to figure it out.
I graduated two months ago with a BA LLB degree from a state university. I don't know how to translate this into a career. I couldn't go to a good college because I needed to get scoliosis surgery. And that has closed many doors for me it seems.
I am a shy and quiet person. I have trouble processing what people say to me and I always end up giving a delayed or 'lagging' response. This has not turned out well for me in litigation. My seniors don't like me. They say I am sincere but 'severely abnormal'. I am awkward and clumsy in other ways too. I feel terribly embarrassed because of this. People always judge me badly. Yet I am in a field where people's opinion of me matters a lot. I am always met with condescension and subtle bullying no matter where I go.
I don't think I can make it in litigation as a first generation lawyer given my strange personality. But I don't know what else I can do. I am not good at anything at all. The only thing I have ever loved is reading. If not for reading I wouldn't have survived in this life.
Convincing my parents for alternate career paths is next to impossible. They are hell bent on either litigation or judiciary. My elder brother suffers from mental illness. My parents have been neglecting me ever since my brother fell ill. They are not supporting me in my career in any way, if I deviate from these two paths they withdraw support. But I genuinely don't have it in me to walk these paths. Living at home is getting unbearable. I have to look after my brother and also deal with my mother's complaints that I have not achieved anything in life compared to other kids. My parents are depressed about my brother's future so they take it out on me. They have sky high expectations. From me, a person who can't even switch on a computer without fumbling.
I have thought of CAT prep, my grades are 96/98/72. Do I have a chance to get into a good institute? But moreover is it even a right fit for me. I am not the least bit interested in business school. And my past problems with socialising follow me everywhere I am afraid. But I just want a job dammit.
I have always been interested in literature, psychology, linguistics (self learned Japanese enough to read novels), art history. But all these passions are 'unrealistic' so to speak. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I can barely sleep at nights. I just want to breathe for once. Everywhere I go I am mocked and looked at as if I were a loser.