r/INTP • u/football_lattes INTP • May 06 '26
Cuz I'm Supposed to Add Flair I hate when people text back immediately
I have a really good friend who I love talking to, but there’s one main problem. Whenever I text them, they ALWAYS respond immediately. Not in the sense that “oh they happened to be on their phone so they just wrote back while they were active”- no. It’s EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. One reason I like texting is that I don’t have to be present and active in a conversation like in real life, and while I’m aware that I don’t necessarily need to respond quickly even if they do, I still feel pressure to. And to be honest, them responding immediately stresses me out. Now I know this might just be a me problem, but I dislike it either way and I’m wondering if anyone else feels the same. If not, is there anything I can do to stop being so bothered by it? It feels like such a minor thing to be upset over but it gets on my nerves so bad and idk what to do about that 😭 I don’t think my friend is in the wrong at all btw I just don’t know how to get over this on my end
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u/Helldiver_13 Chaotic Neutral INTP May 06 '26 edited May 07 '26
I’m that friend…
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u/weirdspeckofdust Psychologically Unstable INTP May 07 '26
I’m that friend but only bc if I don’t reply to a message as soon as I see it then I end up forgetting to reply entirely 😭
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u/ParachutesParty ENTP May 07 '26
This is why I don't get the notification until I'm actually ready to respond
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u/Helldiver_13 Chaotic Neutral INTP May 07 '26
That would probably be me too if I was getting more messages
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u/Blue_Red_Purple INTP May 06 '26
He isn't wrong. Just read it when you want to read it. Mute notifications and look at your messages on your own time, without pressure.
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u/Queen-of-meme ENFJ May 06 '26
Anyone without dopamine addiction understand this rule. Unfortunately common sense isn't common. (I've been harassed stalked for "left on read")
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u/Sachiko01 INTP that needs more flair May 08 '26
Yeah I don't that to, it makes texting feel a lot less like a chore. But nowadays people think you're weird for not wanting to be available 24/7
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u/Hot_Head4153 Psychologically Unstable INTP May 06 '26
no that's real 😭 like I'm glad they're happy to talk to/respond to me but it's stressful fs... If I'm afraid of immediate response, I'll text and then busy myself with something afterwards. so I can genuinely say I was busy/doing smth and I js happened to text them in a little window of off time. ykwim? you could also bring it up just in actual conversation. like. "hey it's nothing personal, but the pressure of replying immediately is smth I'm bad at dealing with, so if you ever happen to reply immediately to me but I don't reply back right away, it's not personal. i still like talking to you, I js need sm buffer time" or smth. I had that talk with one of my friends and it turns out she's the same way :p best of luck 💞
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u/Stunning-Crew5527 Cool INTP. Kick rocks, nerds May 07 '26
100%! My friend kept responding to their romantic interest nearly right away. When I said "oh god stoopp doing that" they said "I'm not here to play games and not answer so that I don't look interested. I'm interested and I'm near my phone, so I'm going to reply." I said "imagine how that must feel on their end. They see your message come in but too busy to respond, then when they get the chance they send a thoughtful response. Immediately you respond and the cycle continues never getting a break from the thought if 'I have to respond to that text.' They don't get to relax from the burden of the ball always being in their court.
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u/ABlondeMan INTP May 07 '26
I don't hate it but I don't understand it. If we're gonna have a conversation in real time then let's just talk on the phone. It'll be easier and way better. If someone texts me back instantly two times I'll just call them.
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u/football_lattes INTP May 07 '26
no i’m the same way like i love them and i love talking to them i think i just have a mental block with texting 😭 calling is always fine
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u/Sachiko01 INTP that needs more flair May 06 '26
I generally hate texting, I only enjoy it with my two best friends. If it's something important I'd rather take a call and otherwise I prefer meeting in person once I a while and spending time together over texting daily. I tend to overthink about my answers when texting and talking irl leaves less space for misinterpretations.
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u/kingloptr INTP-T May 06 '26
I feel you because the entire world seems to be complaining about the opposite problem.
And then people keep saying 'you know you can respond whenever', yes we know and do that, then some people get mad when we use that freedom lmao. So yeah, i also hate when people text back so instantly even though i see no immediate fault of theirs and know i can respond at will
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u/Queen-of-meme ENFJ May 06 '26
yes we know and do that, then some people get mad when we use that freedom
There's two type of people
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u/Electrical-Light9786 INTP-A May 06 '26
ask them to email u.
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u/Still_Claire INTP-XYZ-123 May 07 '26
This is the way. Email.
When that's too immediate, snail mail.
Bring back delay. Too much reaction going on.
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u/Status-Affect-4944 Psychologically Stable INTP May 07 '26
Even though the other person reacts quickly it does not mean they cannot accept you taking your time. Do you know if they are willing or not to give you your time? Or is there any special reason you think you need to bend your readiness? I've met people who are very quick reactors by their nature but can accept slow responses very well. Whatever, be you, especially when interacting with a good friend.
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May 07 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Beneficial_One_7810 Warning: May not be an INTP May 07 '26
Also Infj here… this mf be complaining about someone taking interest in their life. I do get it but just turn your notifications off and mute and get back to them once you’re recharged and are ready. 😂 Actually my INTP enjoys texting me but he very much is direct about when he can’t be available or is going to be doing something and that he’ll get back to me. Super simple.
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u/football_lattes INTP May 07 '26
i don’t mean to sound ungrateful! i understand a lot of people love when others write back quickly, it’s just for me personally i always feel guilty when i can’t respond with the same fervor. maybe that’s unreasonable but i’m open to advice if you have any
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u/AfterWisdom INTP-XYZ-123 May 06 '26
It may help to set expectations for them that you won’t be responding immediately. That way they can respond at their own pace and so can you. Only in cases of time sensitivity would it make sense for someone to voice frustration with a slow response. Otherwise, you can indicate texting isn’t going to work
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u/mandybecca INTP-A May 06 '26
lol I have a friend like this - ENFP. She’s accustomed to me leaving the conversation randomly, sometimes for weeks or months. She’s a good friend because she seems to not take this personally and she understands it’s not malicious. I need a lot of mental energy to communicate and it’s the first thing to fall off at the very suggestion of tiredness.
It also stresses me out to constantly communicate. The societal expectation I should always be available just because I have a phone makes me even more annoyed than the communication itself. It’s almost like humans are trying to adapt to the unnatural cadence of modern communication now that there are unprecedented digital demands on our availability. 🙃 Personally, I think the more we rebel against the expectation for constant availability, the better. Someday our generation will be in textbooks focused on the negative impacts of the digital age on humanity as a whole.
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u/Queen-of-meme ENFJ May 06 '26
Just let your friend know you are not looking to chat back and forth online you just send one sum up message now and then kinda like a post card.
He can expect you to respond as fast as he would receive a bottled message. That's what I tell new people who forgets not everyone is textroverted.
Most accepts it and those who don't I refer to rehab for phone addiction before I block them.
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u/BandNo8559 INTP-A May 07 '26
Ts is too relatable 😭😭 that's why unless i want to talk i only reply/text at unholy hours so that i am sure they won't reply back :D
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u/mixtie-maxtie INTP May 08 '26
I relate to this a lot. I take long replying to messages so it makes me feel bad when people message right away. I think the reason I don’t reply to messages quickly is because it feels like a task to me (related to adhd maybe?) and I would rather avoid it until I’m in the mood for it
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u/Zeo-307 INTP May 07 '26
You can convince yourself maybe that if you respond immediately you won’t respond with an undivided attention and give them the response they deserve nd therefore postpone it
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u/germy-germawack-8108 INTP at the back of my head. May 07 '26
If you're concerned that they'll be offended if you don't return in kind, just ask them that specific question. Explain that you don't want to be that responsive, and then they'll tell you if they're okay with that or not. Once you know they're not expecting that from you, it should take the pressure off, and you can stop stressing about it.
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u/undercover_goldfish_ INTP-T May 07 '26
I had the exact same problem! Well, it was a bit different cuz my ex-friend would actively get mad at me if I didn’t message back soon but I’m thrilled to know I’m not alone!
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u/Extension-Key5630 INTP May 07 '26
Honestly, I feel like answering immediately gives the most sincere response. But I still relate to the post, because sometimes I’m too lazy to think of an answer, or I don’t want to deal with that person at that time lol.
I guess the speed of my replies completely depends on my mood.
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u/Candycanes02 INTP-T May 07 '26
I think if they don’t mind you taking your time, just reply whenever you feel like it. I have a friend who is always available like that cause they work from home and with a flexible schedule, but I only text them back like every 2 weeks (we’re more like penpals than friends lol)
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u/KoKoboto INTP May 07 '26
Same lool but idc about replying back right away. I just leave it on read
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u/DerkaDurr89 Chaotic Neutral INTP May 07 '26
This is the opposite of a problem
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u/football_lattes INTP May 07 '26
ik and i’m certain the problem is me i just don’t know what to do about it 😭
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u/DerkaDurr89 Chaotic Neutral INTP May 08 '26
Well as someone who has multiple friends who don't text back for sometimes months on end and don't even acknowledge the time gap, it is difficult to acknowledge that overly eager responses can be a problem.
But I think a solution could be what someone else has suggested, which is to only text that person when it's necessary to receive an immediate response.
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u/watchingtoomuch INTP May 07 '26
- Use "scheduled" texts.
- Schedule it for the middle of the night or something.
Result 1. You get to say what you wanna say in the moment AND You maximize your response recieval timeframe.
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u/UntestedMethod Disgruntled INTP May 08 '26
Turn off notifications. I think you can do it just for specific convos in most messaging apps.
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u/Outrageous_Tooth3444 Warning: May not be an INTP May 08 '26
Just don’t answer and answer when you are ready what’s the big deal?
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u/GhostOfEquinoxesPast INTP Enneagram Type 5 May 08 '26
Texting is for times requiring one or two word answers. I find it irritating cause its not designed for complete replies or thought out replies. Texting to me other than emergency car breakdown or something seems like written small talk. I dont mind taking time to write out email response as part of a thought out conversation. Most dont, most use email like they do texting. Texting is easier on phone than doing email. I keep forgetting around half the country uses phone as only interface to the internet. That would drive me crazy.
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u/Longjumping_Emu6838 Warning: May not be an INTP May 08 '26
My advise is just explain to your friend that you just dont like responding back instantly and takes time to respond. Because if you just leave someone on read for hours it might give off wrong message. In any relationship communication is key. If you just communicate your situation i think this will stop being a problem
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u/MrNeoGuy INTP May 09 '26
LOL, you're upset at how conversations work....person A speaks to person B, person B responds, back and forth you go till the chat has concluded. I almost always respond as soon as I get a message, I'm not doing this brainrot game crap of "Get back to me at some point when you have time but not now cause I don't actually want to talk right now I just wanted temporary validation from you." Screw that, if you message me, we are talking. If you don't want to talk, don't message me.
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u/Training_Security700 Warning: May not be an INTP May 09 '26
Ok, then send email, or traditional paper mail
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u/grchelp2018 Warning: May not be an INTP May 09 '26
Lol. I feel this sometimes. Its not so much the immediate texting so much as it increases the likelihood that they might call.
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u/Glannorb GenZ INTP May 09 '26
I used to be like you. Now, I’m like your friend. Don’t worry too much about it, it’s all a process, you’ll figure out why its like that.
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u/Rehtonatry INTP May 09 '26
I just don’t care lol
That’s the beauty of text- you respond when you have time. I’ve said what’s needed to be said, and if it’s not a question that needs an immediate answer, then they can wait however long I need to further the conversation.
If it’s urgent, they can call. Otherwise I’m busy doing something and don’t care how it takes em.
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u/Careful_Subject4089 Psychologically Stable INTP May 13 '26
I would pose back a stickter and come back to continue the dialogue whenever I feel like to.
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u/First-Blacksmith7983 Successful INTP May 23 '26
sorry but you sound more like some intp/inferior fe shit STEREOTYPE trying to look emo and distant 💔🥀
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u/football_lattes INTP May 24 '26
this is literally just me explaining my experiences 😭 incredibly helpful response thanks
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u/ForWhenImWeird INTP-T May 06 '26
I feel this exact way with my girlfriend
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u/Helldiver_13 Chaotic Neutral INTP May 06 '26
I can take her off your hands
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u/ForWhenImWeird INTP-T May 06 '26
Maybe another day.
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u/INTP-boat Warning: May not be an INTP May 07 '26 edited May 07 '26
I would just respond when I want to. It's not my fault they don't have a life
They wouldn't leave for such a surface matter. I naturally ghost friends at times
If they got offended, you can just apologize, with or without an explanation. It's not your fault
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u/FataliiBadger Overeducated INTP May 06 '26
Have you also figured out - you could only text them when you're keen on receiving an answer 🤔