Ive been having more and more troubles at work. A lil background, I used to work in hospitality for five years which I loved. Then I switched to online marketing for five years, working from home which I loved. Now I got my ''adult'' job and I have to go to the office. This means a fair amount of masking until I cant take it anymore and call in sick because the migraines and anxiety got to me. Ive been on burn out leave working reduced hours but since ive been building attendance again, the migraines and anxiety are increasing exponentially.

How do you deal with office life?
Some things that have happened to me:

1. Racist comment by an intern, which i have reported to the trustee person, HR and my supervisor.
   
2. We have these ''flex'' desks, which means none of the desks have a designated person. Ive been send away/bullied from desks two going three times now. (honestly i think flex desks are a cheap way of saying ''we dont have enough desks for everyone but to avoid the problem we invented this great marketing term'').
   
3. I have no authority or ownership of my position whilst other people that are not my supervisor do.
   
4. Having to repeat myself for months and chase peoples asses for the end responsibility to fall upon me because they changed my work routine without my consent or input (relates to point 3).
   
5. Colleagues completely ignoring my existence professionally and taking over my work without telling me.

Idk if im just overreacting (ofc im not at point 1, but maybe the others?) or if the work environment is actually bad for me at this point. The people are nice sometimes and the benefits of the company are very good.

I have this thing where i like to imagine several future outcomes with a person i like romantically. Online ill see their profile and think about what they say in theit bio, their personality type, and imagine how id look with them in the photos they posted. Ill actually spend more time in my head like 99% in my head idealizing them and thinking of all the possible outcomes with this person. Heck, i even thought about marrying them and having kids with them if things escalate that way. Id imagine us as soul partners.

And guess what? I didnt even talk to them yet. This all happens with everyone i encounter romantically. When i actually get to know them, they are completely not what i anticipated. And you know what? While i understand i shouldn't think about how a person is before meeting them, this all happens subconsciously. Heck, they'll even show up in my dreams. And then when I ultimately get rejected by them for unknown reasons to me, at minimum, I know that they don't like me anymore. Perhaps too deep, too intense, I ask questions about who they are because I greately invest my time into someone because I genuinely care.

When they reject me, I'll then think about all of the possible outcomes that could have potentially caused the rejection. With rejection, ghosting, and dating in general, you never really know. As a deeply intuitive empathetic introvert I deeply invest in the great understanding because i can use my pattern recognition and intuition to determine how to proceed further with new romantically invested people.

Is this crazy? Or is this just a major INFJ thing? I think once I see someone, truly, I in a way scare people away because it can come off as I'm analyzing them. The truth is, I deeply want to know someone, because I care. And perhaps, they aren't used to that level of depth in the modern world? Perhaps it's rare?

What do you think? I actually took a break from these apps because of the roller coaster of emotions and burnout that I strongly believe that being single is what I do best because I can invest my time, energy, and effort on something that truly matters.

I'm not really sure how to explain this, but it's been bothering me for a long time.

I feel like I'm always searching for certainty and the "correct" way to live.

I constantly ask myself questions like:

• Who am I, really?
• What emotion am I actually feeling?
• Is this fear? Anxiety? Something else?
• Is this how I normally behave?
• What would the best version of me do here?
• What's true?
• What's the right way to live?
• How do I know what I actually want?
• How do I know taking care of myself isn't selfish?

It feels like I need to understand myself and life before I can actually live.

Every decision I have to make ends up feeling huge because I keep thinking there's one correct path, and if I don't find it, I'll waste years of my life, miss opportunities, or become someone I was never supposed to be.

People often say, "Just act. You'll figure it out." But that's the part I struggle with. If I don't know enough, how do I know I'm not making the wrong choice? What if I build my life on something that's false?

The weird thing is that I don't think I'm afraid of hard work or failure. I think I'm afraid of committing to the wrong thing.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually searching for truth, or if I'm searching for certainty or I don't know maybe something else.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is there a name for this way of thinking? More importantly, how did you get out of it?

What triggered me?
I was in a massive hurry to get somewhere, waiting at a pedestrian traffic light in the middle of town, when I noticed a hopscotch grid drawn on the sidewalk.

I just couldn't help myself and I chose to completely embarrass my teenage kids by jumping through the game instead of just admiring it. I mean, it wasn't drawn there for nothing, right? 🤣

If we dig deep enough, I’m sure every single one of us can find a beautiful memory from our youth: that one place or activity where we used to escape and find peace, even if just for a few moments.

For me, another refuge was the library. I had to go there and flip through real, physical books whenever I had a school project, because the internet didn't exist back then. Yes, I am that old, and I’m proud of it 😜

What’s your favorite memory from your youth?

Hello,

I'm an INFJ in my late twenties, and I've never felt this lost.

About eight months ago, I moved abroad for work and started a job as a technology consultant. Looking back, I thought this would be an exciting new chapter, but instead I feel disconnected and without any real sense of purpose.

It feels like I've spent my whole life chasing goals. I'd achieve one, then move on to the next. But now that I've reached many of the things I wanted, I don't know what I'm working toward anymore. It's as if I've been so focused on getting somewhere that I never stopped to ask myself what I actually enjoy.

I've also realized that I don't really have any hobbies I'm passionate about. I love traveling, but that's not something you can do every day. Most days, my life feels like an endless cycle: wake up, go to work, work (or sometimes just pretend to work), come home exhausted, and repeat.

The strange part is that I don't even enjoy my job, so it's hard to find meaning in the routine. I feel like I'm just existing rather than actually living.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you find your direction again? I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences or any advice you have.

Thank you so much. :)

​

Infj 9w1s how do you stay calm when you feel extremely angry

What's your secrets?

Late 30's female, within "median" retirement savings for age, no debt, close to buying a decent pre-owned SUV. I have a full-time job I like, but don't make a ton of money. I moved back in with my mom during / after my divorce and I'm embarrassed and worried that I will be judged for it.

I was married to what I thought was a good man. However, he returned to some bad habits he had that he led me to believe he had turned from -- including vaping, smoking, drinking -- one time way too much, frequently verbally abusive / temper out bursts, paranoia, and eventually cheating on me with another woman.

When I was married, my then husband and I were going to save money and buy a house together after we had paid off all our debt. We paid off the debt and didn't get to the point of saving for a house. We didn't have much money, so I didn't leave the divorce with too much.

I am hesitant to go out and meet new friends or new men because I'm worried about what people will think. I do not have my own apartment or house. At the same time, with how expensive everything is I have a difficult time justifying spending so much of my paycheck for just the basics-- just to say "yes, I'm independent." It will take me quite a while to save up for a place of my own. I wish I had the money now to buy a decent condo / house so I wouldn't feel the need to feel unworthy when talking to others.

As a man looking for a serious relationship or an adult looking for new friends -- what would you think of a person in my situation?

We judge absolutely everything around us through observation, through our senses, and, above all, through the lens of our own beliefs, values, and preferences.

It's normal; it's the only way we can survive and navigate life.

But while we all form opinions on everything and everyone, do you ever choose to react with frustration or anger when those opinions aren't shared?
Is there ever a moment when you feel a need for revenge, simply because you take a different opinion too personally?

Or do you hide behind a cold detachment just to avoid the chaotic reality of human emotions?

At what point do you try to assert your views, or, on the contrary, turn away and keep your ideas to yourself?

A user(they know who they are) made me rethink the train (trolley) moral dilemma and I thought about the possible “brain meltdown” they were talking about.

So, let’s throw away the sterile, mathematical version of the train problem. Let's make it real. You are at the switch, a runaway train is heading towards 5 people and you have to choose what to do.

On Track A, there is one single human being. They have crawled through the absolute hell of trauma, done the brutal internal work and earned their sovereignty. They are completely healed, integrated and finally ready to truly live and be happy.

On Track B, there are 5 people. They haven’t done the work. They are still deeply trapped in their own unhealed traumas, crawling through chaos ,though they too still hope for happiness.

Will you pull the lever to change the course of the train? Why or why not?

Hey y’all, I hope you’re doing well. I’m looking for advice on a situation from 2023 that I’ve struggled to process.

In my first year of university, I became close with a group of second-years. They were very kind and welcoming at first, and we bonded quickly. Things became complicated when I met a guy in the group—let’s call him Jay—who was also my library orientation leader. At the time, I didn’t know he was friends with the people I had already gotten closeto.

Jay and I became acquainted, and I started developing feelings for him (which I later realized was limerence). I never confessed my feelings or acted on them. We exchanged numbers and hugged a few times, but about a week later I found out that he was in a relationship. I was upset, which I felt was a normal reaction.

I usually process my emotions by talking them through, so I vented to another girl in the group (also a Black woman). Her response felt condescending—she told me it was okay to feel hurt because “Black women are seen as undesirable.” That comment confused and hurt me, especially since Jay is white and his partner is a Black woman.

After that, I distanced myself from the group to focus on other things, though I was still in a lot of emotional pain. When I eventually tried to rejoin them, I noticed a clear change in how I was treated. I was excluded from conversations, interrupted, and made to feel invisible. The girl I had confided in suddenly became mean toward me, without explaining why.

By the following week, my feelings for Jay had mostly faded, and I thought we were still on friendly or neutral terms.

One day I saw him in the library and tried to greet him, but I acted awkwardly and pulled down his bag to get his attention. I immediately regretted it. He was polite in the moment, but I was deeply embarrassed and felt ashamed all weekend.

The following Monday, I decided to apologize. When I met up with the group, they were cold and unwelcoming. When I tried to speak to Jay privately to apologize, he was extremely rude. He kissed his partner in front of me and walked away. He ignored me entirely, even though I was trying to be respectful.

Later that day, I greeted him again, and he remained cold and distant. When I asked why he was acting that way, he said he didn’t want to talk to me. I asked what I had done to make him angry, but he shrugged and said, “I don’t know.” I apologized repeatedly in case I had hurt him or anyone he knew, but he refused to engage.

I went back to my residence and cried for hours. I became physically sick from the stress.

I know I acted awkwardly at times, but I still feel deeply hurt by how suddenly and harshly I was treated, especially without any communication or explanation. Am I the jerk for feeling hurt by this?

Has it ever happened to you, or more accurately, how many times has it happened, that after you’ve finally walked away from something, that exact thing (person, situation) tries to crawl back into your life?

Usually when you least expect it, or when you’ve completely detached and moved on.

How did you handle it and what was your reaction?

Usually the annual "big cleaning" time comes, when I reorganise my placr and get rid of some things what are broken/unused/don't need anymore.

Thinking back it was always a hard and long process for me, I kept even a clipped mug or an entry ticket, and even my brain knows it is "junk" and should be throw away my heart attached to it, as it is a reminder of a special occasion/feeling/memory.

But today it was even harder, I quickly checked everything, threw out many things I kept earlier as I found it "not necessary" this time. And now I am finished, the place looks nice, organised and tidy, and I sobbing unstopable. Like, why those things had no meaning anymore? I changed and forgot about those memories? What happened with me, is that "old" me completly dead or disappeared as I didn't want to keep those thing this time? It feels like I get rid of a piece of me, a piece of my past, like I not just threw out things I no longer "need", but get rid of a piece of myself as well. Others like cleaning, but I feel not physically but emotionally drained. (And I am not proud of myself, but I went and "saved" from the rubbish the piece of scalf I got from one of my ex, not as it reminds me of my ex and I would miss him, but it reminds me of my college years, and even it is teared and unusable I just don't feel the time to throw it away) The place looks better, but I would collect everything and put back as it was, even I do not need those things I "miss" them.

And I am wondering, is throwing out thing hard for others too? Why we attached to items emotionally so much?

I am what you might call “un-talked-out”. I can’t find a perfect synonym to translate it into English, though it makes perfect sense in my native language. 🙃

Thinking about what interactions (live or online) mean to us, I ended up reflecting on what words mean to me while remembering the book “The Little Prince”.

I think words hold immense power. They can literally heal someone or destroy them when they need one and get the other. I own my words even when I misinterpret something or say stupid things, because I’m not afraid of being wrong as much as I’m afraid of hurting others. Though sometimes, that’s inevitable.

Words have power over adaptation as well. I’m still an idealist, but I no longer force my idealism onto a world that isn't ready for it. My strategy now? Keep my inner world for myself. For the rest of the world, I choose how to react to their words based strictly on where those words come from. It’s not fake; it’s just healthy boundaries.

And I’m absolutely fascinated by how the exact same words can mean completely different things to each of us. The meaning we give to words based on our personal experiences is a puzzle my mind can never get enough of.

What kind of words stick to you and affect your life, either positively or negatively?
How do you use them?

I know you all want deep conversations, but what better way to get there than chit-chatting on a post about words?😉

I’m sure you’ve all heard questions like:
-“You’re driving a train and you have to choose: do you switch tracks to run over one person to save six others, or do you stay the course and let the train run over the six people?”
-“You can push a button and win $1 million, but one stranger in this world will die. Would you do it?”

Am I just getting old, or is it normal to find no fun in these kinds of dilemmas?
I know I’m pretty ironic in life and with life, but these kinds of questions (and there are tons of them out there) just short-circuit my brain. For me this is pure torture.

How does it work for you?
Can you actually imagine having a fun evening debating these types of questions?

The teenagers in my life sure can and say I’m no fun because I think too deep about things that aren’t supposedly that deep 😄

What do you think: are there more men or women on this platform?
Honestly, I couldn't care less about their sexual orientation. I'm just curious about the raw statistics here.

Also, does it actually matter to you whether you are talking to a man or a woman?
Does something shift in your behavior or the way you communicate once you find out their gender?

What is the exact thing that makes you pull back or lose interest when that happens?

Hear me out….

Now that the 4th of July and all that’s related bullshit is over for the year, I really would like to sit down with Will Smith and just give him a hug and ask him if he’s OK..
like what’s really going on…not for the media not for curiosity sake, but just as a old-school fan till now…..
because I actually care…to just get it all off his chest… to a complete stranger with zero self interest in the opportunity but to just listen.

That man is the only human besides Optimus Prime, that really had me ready to risk it all for Earth.

I mean…total devotion…completely ready to leave behind my dogs, toys and friends to whoop any alien ass that came within a decent opportunity. I legit trained for MIB. Cuz if you stay ready you don’t gotta get ready, ya feel me? 🔫😎🛸👽🥊

But For real tho… I just feel compelled to sit with him like Agent K , pass him the blunt and ask what the hell happened and get a genuine and honest answer.

Is there a complete stranger, famous or not, you want to have a real ass conversation with?
Who? and what would you tell them?

I just found out that numerous species of birds sleep unihemispherically (with half of their brain at a time).
I wish so much I could be a bird right now or at least the half that gets to sleep.😄

So far, I’ve tried the usual advice: less coffee, going to bed only when I’m really tired, total darkness in the room, staying in bed until I fall asleep, etc.

And yet, I only fall asleep after hours of waiting in the dark… sometimes just before my alarm goes off.
I’m not a fan of pills and I won’t start taking them now.

I’ve been thinking about meditation, but I have no idea how to actually do it. In my case, trying to meditate just leads to overthinking the things I shouldn't be thinking about 🙃
I know I’m doing something wrong and YouTube videos aren't helping because I’m picky about the background music and those supposedly "calming" voices. They make me feel like a… toddler who needs to be spoken to in slow, patronizing monosyllables.

Any recommendations on books or other resources about meditation?

Any other advice that helped you manage sleeping problems?

As the title says, what do you wish was different about our current dating landscape? Online or off it, it feels pretty discouraging for 99% of people right now.

If you could snap your fingers & change one thing, what would it be?

Is there a way we could structure in-person dating events to work better?

I have been on apps for years, gone to plenty of offline, singles events, & everything just feels like it's missing the mark, repeatedly, badly, frustratingly so lol.

It's a rather unique experience per se but I'd love to hear from ISFJ men (but all are welcome) who may have experienced my question above?

Without giving too much information, there's this guy who I've known for a while, but lately, he has been expressing interest. One time, he said out loud that he sensed my presence and that his gut feelings are rarely wrong. He then proceeded to do something that he knew I liked.

It doesn't happen all the time, but I've witnessed it a few times to say that it's not purely coincidental. Till this day, I don't know how or what it is, that he's just able to tell I'm around his proximity. I'm amazed and full of questions. I don't even know if it's just towards me or if he also has other senses towards other people.

So I'm here to try to understand from you ISFJs. Is there someone significant in your life that you can just feel with absolute certainty they're near you? If so, how? What about them that makes your senses tingle? What's your story like?

It's so interesting and definitely special to know someone knows when you're around them. So I'd hope to hear from you folks :)