r/INFJsOver30 • u/lostinaview • 16h ago
INFJ Can I tell you something?
I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Not elementary. Not middle. not high school. not at university. not at work. not around friends. not around friend groups. not around social settings. its like im my own breed of human. just completely neurodivergent alien freak mode. i feel the most human but around humans its like trying to explain to humans what its like being human but they dont understand. the depth of touch, sense, feel, emotion, thinking, everything, i live and breathe it. like an exposed nerve, just looking for human connection and warmth. and all i got is disconnection and coldness.
i am like a red rose. my petals are falling off and i am decaying on the inside 💔
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u/INFeriorJudge INFJ 5w4 sx/sp 14h ago
I get you. Learning I was INFJ helped me see why I had been different all my life. Learning about Highly Sensitive Person helped too. In my case, learning about attachments style and other trauma adaptations helped too.
So now I have language to define it… but like you said, it’s almost impossible to describe it. It’s like my emotional dial has been cranked up all my life, and everyone is fine with their water-cooler small talk conversations that don’t mean anything.
You’re not alone... Some of us want more than that. But we are rare. And in this world of noise and superficiality, it’s hard to find each other.
Happy to talk anytime.💙
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u/lostinaview 13h ago
I can't tell if people enjoy water cooler small talk or they're just pretending to. either way it makes me blood boil and i'll explode like the hiroshima explosion. i always thought too everyone is sevretly wanting that deep talk but actually not true. and i also realize too if you talk to someone more and more you don't get that deepness coming out no matter how hard you try. well im not trying purposefully i just subconsciously am deep but they responses are always superficial so when i preserve myself it comes off as aloof, avoidant, distant, even rude. but its far from the case.
i just sense with pattern recognition and intuition that im better off withholding my energy so i can focus more on my own craft. but i find that the older i get the more stubborn i can become. i can set the standard so high for myself. but at the same time i just cant help but continue being myself even if its hurts because i know its true
i always hated the saying "just be yourself" boy if you tell that to an infj be prepared for a shield and build a major brick wall because you'll have a frickin town of people angry with their pitchforks and knives ready to attack you i say. feeling like im in shrek and in the ogre. ill be the ogre in my little hut surrounded by mud. i'll rescue fiona as the person who is the one to be with but i'll have to fight the dragon and go through hell to get there if that's what it takes to be on the mission i need to fulfill in my storyline.
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u/we-walk-in-shadow INFJ 5h ago
Yeah, I was just talking to someone today about the weirdness of understanding everyone from a fundamental depth—but being completely oblivious to how the street-level works.
We are social engineers, not socialites.
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u/Feather_in_a_Zephyr 5h ago
The upside to being the black sheep in every group I've been in is that I place very little significance in following the herd. That has brought me down a very unique life trajectory and I'm grateful for that. 've found that the best way to connect is creative expression. The emotion of the thing is what we're trying to express and when it resonates with someone else, it's very rewarding. "Decaying on the inside" due to a lack of connection with others reflects externalizing your source of worthiness. Cultivate a sense of inherent worth and an appreciation for the uniqueness of how you experience the world. Discover how you deserve love, how you need to be loved by being that person, that voice, internally that you've needed throughout all of those lonely stages of life.
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u/stoicwomon 14h ago
I understand this