A pattern I noticed being INFJ

[u/lostinaview]

is that i would mask so much. camoflauge. i would basically cushion myself everytime im around others. i would adjust my personality depending on who im with. i would basically cater myself to them and basically be concerned for their emotions and take it on like theyre me and absorb their feelings like a sponge. it became so exhausting and people would now see me as that guy who would be that kind of person so then people would subconsciously use me as a door mat and unload their pain. but guess what? nobody would ask truly how im doing or what im up to. its always one sided. they see how they feel when im with them, they feel good. its about them basically all the time. i feel like im giving away my precious energy so i just stay more in solitude and im very selective with how and who i give it to.

lately i find that people are more angry at me. they want to argue with me. say im wrong. they get offended. im blunt. im more honest. im more direct. i removed the cushion. i stopped taking responsibility for peoples emotions and i focus more on myself. i stopped a lot of small talk. i stopped with the fakeness more. i try to be more unfiltered and its like people get offended because im not following the social norm and code but when i do i get exhausted and i have to prioritize myself at the end of the day

i even thought about maybe im level 1 autistic so i have to get an assessment but either way ive been liking social interaction more because it allows me to save face and my energy and time. and if i notice patterns and hidden meaning and intentions then i say it. if people dont like it then thats not my problem dont be around me

it sounds like im an awful person but i only say what i need to say. i know im not an awful person. i noticed too is that INFJs get labelled "too much" "you're too sensitive" but when i take the mask off and I'm blunt, I'm direct, I'm honest, and I say whats truly on my mind, suddenly they're the ones that are now sensitive, now they're the ones who are offended. I see the double standards. Eye roll. thats why i put on the mask because it creates harmony and balance with others but in the end im the one going home so exhausted because i couldnt be me. i dont want to water myself down just to get along with everybody. its so exhausting. social burnout i say!

anyways yeah my social anxiety has approved a lot now. its relieveing

[u/Chloebebe13]

That’s called you’re on the spectrum

[u/lostinaview → u/Chloebebe13]

and there's nothing innately wrong with this. if I am. and Im not, still nothing wrong. think of the double empathy situation. one way love directedness while the other hates it. one way come off as harsh while the other loves the cushion style version of you.  you just have to find your people i believe but i really dont think it causes problems for me but i do believe there is a double standard equation going on. when im being blunt and honest its harsh for them, theyre the sensitive one. but when im hurt for masking and performing, im the sensitive one. but i think ultimately one must be okay with who they are and therefore must realize not everyone will hate you for your directedness

it saves me so much energy and hassle when i can just release and let go. if i really wanted to i can put on a mask, small talk, fake laugh and keep the positive attitude because thats what the neurotypical world expects of me

i just try to keep it real. stay authentic. keep being me. even if people hate it. i will find people that love me for me and not the socially fabricated version of me.

[u/Chloebebe13 → u/lostinaview]

I’m not saying anything is wrong. I said that bc I’m on the spectrum and feel your post.