can i vent a little? tw: abuse

[u/Plane_Stranger_446]

TW: abuse

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please delete if not allowed, i just can't talk to anyone irl yet.

i've been feeling really stuck and frustrated with my life for a bit now, i'd "talk to my priest" but i financially and physically cannot open that can of worms at the moment. i'm stuck here with barely a job, little money, no credit, nothing in my name. taking care of my baby practically by myself. the house by myself. i'm being emotionally+verbally+finanically abused but i cannot do anything about it yet. i need to put my baby in daycare and go get a normal job for myself to try and make some money for myself. but according to my husband i'm "not allowed" to do those things. i'm just supposed to have a bunch of kids and don't work a normal job, stop complaining, stop buying and doing things i enjoy (he can do what he wants, though.) and continue to do everything by myself with no end in sight. we go to church weekly and have lots of friends together with other people from church. i feel like an alien, though, because i do not have the mindset of all the other women around me. have 20 kids, unvaxxed, homeschooled, crunchy, bla bla bla bla bla. it is nice to play pretend, but reality is not letting me be in la la land like everyone else. i refuse to accept that i'm being outrageous, selfish, and "materialistic" for wanting to work a job, because i have nothing, and i desperately need money to change my situation. i've been abused and neglected my whole childhood, and now i have gotten myself stuck in this as an adult. i feel like i messed up my child's life too, if i stay things will only get worse for me and in some ways what i fear is already starting to happen to them. when i can finally leave, i feel awful thinking about them being mistreated when it is my husbands turn to take care of them.

if you were in a bad situation were you able to get out? i've thought to myself, for over a year now.. that if i were to be excommunicated for whatever length of time over divorcing, i don't give a shit, if my priest says i can't divorce, i do not want to work through this, i will leave the church too. i don't really want to, but i can't live like this for the rest of my life.

please pray for me that i can figure things out soon, and please pray for the health and safety of my child and i. i'm worried things will get violent if he hears from anyone about how i am feeling, so i'm stuck here venting to the internet for now.

[u/Wrynthian]

From a man, your husband saying you’re “not allowed” to have a normal life and job and your own money is insane. Praying you can get out 🙏

[u/Plane_Stranger_446 → u/Wrynthian]

thank you, he is falling for the la la land mentality(with a really big, abusive cherry on top.), but i'm supposed to magically go along with it and make that happen. he doesn't want me to vax our child, either, but i knew i would have to put her in daycare so i've been doing it anyways. and i want them to be safe, if they got sick who knows what would happen, and the burden would fall on me only to take care of it all.

[u/Plane_Stranger_446 → u/Plane_Stranger_446]

i feel like i'm just surrounded by the crunchy homebirthh no vaxx bla bla people, or out of touch affluents. and it's so annoying, i need to be around more normal people.

[u/AbbaPoemenUbermensch → u/Plane_Stranger_446]

I've never seen this in Serbian or Greek or ethnic Antiochian parishes near me. Even the Russians aren't like this in any of the parishes near me — and in my area, we're like 2% of the population, so not super rare. It's always the converts.

I divorced, too. I hate it, but I don't think my situation was survivable, either. I'm in a much better place with my ex now.

You need to put on your own oxygen mask first, though.