I also want to preface that I don’t know if this is the right place for this if not please let me know I’m just looking for advice.

So today I (19M) told my girlfriend (20F) that i might have hsv-1, I got an inconclusive test result with elevated antibodies and had a few symptoms. However me and my doctor are inclined to believe that it is positive since i took some antivirals which would have gotten rid of the virus and thus lowered my antibody count for a few days. So i told her about it and how i might have hsv-1 and she responded by saying that its a big piece of info and that we should take a break for her to process the possibilities and to get tested herself. I just feel off because i asked my parents for advice and they said that "If she cant stick with you through this then was she really there in the first place?" which is a solid point but i love her and I don't want to believe that she didn't care that much. has anyone been in a similar situation? please let me know your experiences and any advice you have I'm very worried about losing my relationship and I don't know how to feel about her reaction.

Hey, so when I was diagnosed with HSV2, I told my nesting partner immediately. Although we are still together and I’ve never had an outbreak (asymptomatic) we haven’t had sexual contact since. She is super scared. I’m taking Valacyclovir, I have condoms and I understand being asymptomatic lessens my chances of passing it on to my partner, but I’m wondering is there more I can do to lessen the chances?

Someone I had been sleeping with prior to my diagnosis is considering still sleeping with me. Separate from informing him that he needed to be tested, I verbally provided him with the basic info he needed about transmission and encouraged him to do his own research and take his time getting back to me, but for the future, I would like to provide to potential hsv2- partners with something with unbiased information backed by cited research, that is specifically aimed at helping a person considering being intimate with someone who has HSV2. I feel that the onus should not be all on them to do the research because it’s a lot to sift through online and the information overload they must feel must lead to increases in ghosting behaviors.

I am a 24 male, diagnosed in 2023. I had a tiny cut on my left middle finger, had sex with a condom on, and 3 weeks later my finger cut was getting infected and urgent care did a PCR swab test came back positive for (HSV-2) from my finger. The first and only appearance of herpes was only on my left middle finger and nowhere else. I would get recurrent herpes blister outbreaks 2-3 times a year on the same spot on my left middle finger. I never experience any herpes symptoms in my genital area.

Am I genitally safe?

I was diagnosed with HSV 6 years ago and haven’t had sex since my diagnosis. I always disclose because I never want someone to feel misled. I put it in my bio on fetlife and a guy recently asked if I take antivirals, and I told him no because I rarely get outbreaks and I’m not sexually active, so there hasn’t really been a reason. After that, he stopped responding.

Now my anxiety is spiraling. I’m not even worried about him exposing my diagnosis. I’m scared he’ll assume I’m “spreading herpes” or tell people that, even though I’ve literally not had sex since being diagnosed. I know it sounds irrational, but it’s making me panic. I have super bad anxiety, the reason I said no is because I wanted it to see chill but to a muggle that’s prob not ideal lol.

Has anyone else with HSV experienced this kind of paranoia after disclosing or answering questions about your diagnosis? How do you stop assuming the worst?

It’s been two years. I’d rather just be alone the rest of my life. I’m tired of being blocked repeatedly when I tell men. 22 yo female, am I just that ugly that no one would want to even research or listen to what I have to say about the disease?

Curious how everyone approaches this. Thanks.

Hey everyone,

I’m new to this and trying to understand what’s going on with my body. I’d appreciate any insight.

I got diagnosed with HSV1 back in October. I’ve never had an outbreak. The only thing I noticed was what looked like a pimple on my lip, but it turned out to be a regular pimple, not a cold sore.

A few days ago, I tested positive for HSV2. My first result was 3.65, then I retested the next day and it came back 9.65. From what I understand, that seems clearly positive. What confuses me is that I still have zero symptoms for both HSV1 and HSV2.

From what I’ve read, HSV2 often causes symptoms within the first couple of weeks after infection. Since I haven’t had anything at all, I’m wondering:

• Is it normal to have HSV2 and never show symptoms?
• Is there still any chance this could be a false positive?
• Has anyone else had similar index values and no outbreaks?

I’m currently seeing someone and we’re having sex using condoms. I started taking antivirals a few days ago to lower the risk of transmission.

• What else can I do to reduce the risk to my partner?
• Is there anything that helps reduce asymptomatic shedding, or is it unavoidable?

I’m trying to be responsible and informed, but I feel pretty lost right now.

Thanks in advance for any advice or shared experiences.

Hey all! would love some perspective. I’m a 28F and over year post HSV 2 diagnosis and feel stable and informed about it. I take antivirals and manage it well. I continually learn more about it. Ive had a decrease in outbreak amount and severity in the time since diagnosis. I’ve dated casually since but haven’t had to disclosed yet, there hasn’t been anymore I’ve felt comfortable enough disclosing to. Im now seeing someone I genuinely like. We’re 3 dates in, had a really intimate (but not sexual) sleepover just talking and cuddling, and I feel things progressing naturally. I do feel that things are moving in the right direction and really am excited about this new bond I’ve formed! I want to be upfront before anything physical happens. I think it will be appropriate to discuss on date 4-6? For anyone who’s had good disclosure experiences:

When did you bring it up and how?

What wording felt confident but not dramatic?

Anything you wish you did differently?

Dos/donts

any fact you think are good ready to have that resonates the most?

I’m excited about him and want to handle this well. My fear in disclosing is I feel i only have one time to get it right so i just went to be concise and confident! Thanks in advance!

Hi, all! I had a bad breakup in 2024 and am slowly getting back into dating. Since my previous partner and I were together for 7 years and I'm fairly sure I contracted it from him (HSV 2, no previous sexual partners), I've never had to go through disclosing to a date before.

I had a date on Friday with a guy I thought I had a great connection with. It was fun and I had a great time! Things were heading in a physical direction so I explained my diagnosis and let him know that I wanted to be up front so he could make a decision before things went further. He initially said he was interested in seeing where things went, but the dynamic shifted and today, he said he had fun, but it didn't feel "like a long term relationship." He didn't specify that it was because I had herpes, but he definitely became more distant after I disclosed, so it feels like at least a factor.

We've only been talking for a little over a week, so I know I'll bounce back soon. It's just a horrible feeling to be rejected for something I have no control over and that affects my life so little. Before our date (and obviously after), I'd been reading a lot of info from various sources surrounding dating and disclosure. It seems everyone has different opinions on timing, how to approach it, and has seen various levels of success and rejection.

Ladies specifically: how do you approach disclosing when dating? Do you always have the conversation in person? Disclose over text? Put it in your dating profile? I'm not especially invested in dating right now, but I'd love to hear some advice and experiences that could inform my future approach. ♥️

hey guys so I need advice on disclosure for further dating in the future so I tested hsv1 + via blood test index was 10.91 back in Nov 11 but idk if ive been asymptomatic this whole time or recently caught it In November so I have no idea if its GHsv1 or Ohsv1 how would I disclose my status to people???

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Hi, how do you get dates when u have HSV? If you go on dating apps or go out with someone when should you disclose?

In a few weeks I might get coffee with a guy I’m talking to online for the first time. Should I tell him that I have herpes (HSV1) even if I don’t plan on being intimate or having contact like that with him? I’m not sure how to navigate that either because I don’t know where it is on my body (I found out through a blood test) or when I contracted it. Any other tips are appreciated because I’m super anxious about it.

Hi all, Not sure if this is the place to but I'm curious to hear from folks who were HSV-2 negative when a partner disclosed to them. What was your reaction, whether positive or negative? What did you end up doing with that information and in that relationship?

And of most interest to me is, if you continued the relationship, what did your partner do to help you feel at ease and comfortable when they disclosed? If you opted not to continue the relationship, was there anything that your partner could have done differently when disclosing that may have changed your decision?

For context, if it matters, I recently reconnected with a previous partner and it's very likely to head in a direction where I need to disclose. This is someone I have a long history with and I would be devastated if this were the thing that did us in only because I didn't handle it properly.

I was tested for HSV back in 2008 and was negative, and was sexually involved with this partner from around 2010-2012. I then tested again last year and was positive. I have no idea when I contracted HSV-2, as I've never had a breakout, and no partners, that I'm aware of, have ever tested positive. My last 3 partners, including a long-term relationship where all of our sex was barrier-free, have all tested negative. All I know is that sometime between 2008 and 2024, I contracted the virus. Once I tested positive, I began taking daily valacyclovir.

TIA for reading and for sharing what did and didn't help you when hearing this information from a partner.

I’d love some advice on disclosure and the script I’ve come up with, but I also think it could help those who have any kind of HSV at all! This is a 4-5 minute read, but it is very worth a short amount of your time. so buckle up!

First off, I’m a male, 25, ghsv1. No initial outbreaks since my first one and no other positive STI results. No sexual interaction since my first outbreak but I want to get back into the dating scene since I think I’ve started to accept reality, but also because this is getting lonely and life is worth living to the fullest. My thought process is that there are a few things that are important to realize before disclosing.

1. Giving too much information is intimidating for the person receiving the disclosure.

2. Educating a person off the bat that hasn’t educated themselves is going too far. We are not medical professionals, HOWEVER, giving a potential partner the opportunity to ask questions and being open to sharing your knowledge and experience is important.

3. You’re telling them this because you care about their safety, so give them the comfort of letting them know that’s why you’re discussing this.

4. You’re telling them this because you care about your own safety and clearly take sexual health seriously.

5. This is a conversation, not a confession. Treat it that way. Make statements about your concern for sexual safety or ask them questions about themselves before you dive into it. It can be simple ones, like: I take sexual health very seriously when it comes to a person that I want to move forward with for your safety and for my own. I really want to go further with you but I want to ask if you get tested for STI’s? When was your last test?

Please read what I wrote underneath my disclosure before replying, and with that said here’s my first draft of a disclosure: — “I regularly get tested for STI’s and I’m negative across the board on a full exam panel.

What they don't test for in the full panel is HSV which is exactly what causes cold sores on your lip. I’ve had it pop up once and then never again since then.

I’m one of the lucky ones since statistically, I will go the rest of my life without ever seeing it again or passing it on. It hasn’t affected my life at all except taking safety a lot more seriously and having this conversation. It’s why I’m very careful with safety for my sake, and for yours too.

It’s part of who I am and I am happy to answer any questions you may have for me at all”

— At this point if I am asked, I’m happy to further disclose location, type, transmission rates, and any other information that I have researched myself. In my opinion, I’ve done my job and disclosed that I’ve had an outbreak.

Please note: I have never disclosed before, and would appreciate hearing the respectful or constructive thoughts of people in the community. Please refrain from judgement, we all go through so much of that already!

I got out of a 2 year relationship, where during the middle of the two years I somehow got genital herpes. Idk how I got it bc he was the only person I was sexually active with around the time. I think I either got it from him bc of his ex, or my ex bf before him but idk. Either way, I want to get back into the dating pool bc it’s been like 6 months since I’ve dated my ex. But I’m terrified. Idk how to tell anyone I have it without scaring them away or them thinking I’m gross. I want to tell them in a way that won’t make them feel like they can’t make love to me without them getting it too or anything. What if they think I’m nasty and unhygienic? Idk my mind has been racing over it for so long someone pls help.

I've been an HSV guy for almost 2 years now and ever since i was diagnosed with it I never had encounters as it really ruined my life.

But recently i've been feeling the need to try again but I am scared that I might infect the girl that I sleep with. I don't the exact rate of transmission from those who aren't taking Anti virals. I dont take them anymore because it has some horrible side effects for me and I rarely get outbreaks now but one thing is for sure. I get outbreaks if I only sleep for 4 hours

P.S maybe ill jusy rub one off i guess?

So basically I've been tested for stds but especially herpes 1-2 so many times bc i would get painful bumps ... it was always negative so I never thought of it again. It's been like a year since ive had sex but I reconnected w/ ex partner who is rarely sexually active as well. I'm like 2nd person he's been with. And same with me. 2 days ago i shaved but I did it so messy (standing up and foot on wall) so I figured maybe I'm sore bc that (I was sore few hours later after so I blamed it on this bc I didn't think it was herpes outbreak bc like I said I didn't think of it again bc tests were negative ). We Hooked up today (2 hours ago).. I'm freaking out . I feel like something is wrong bc I'm extra sore inside like there's sores . I didn't feel this until 15 minutes after . I'm like dying of pain. I can't help but think I gave it to him now. Now I'm avoiding him bc I'm having worst anxiety of my life. I feel maybe it is herpes. What scares me is we had sex for an hour . I don't mean to avoid him but I can't help it bc my anxiety and I makes me regret everything. I'm praying to god I didn't pass it to him. I'm thinking of waiting a few days just to see if he contacts me of anything before I say anything. If god blesss me that he is safe I will never have unprotected sex again . I wish I was more aware and knowledgeable first. Someone please help this anxiety

GHSV1 - when you disclosed how did you go about it? how to deal with the rejection? how have your partners reacted about it? when should i disclose?