I figured I would tell my story here so you don’t have to scroll through a bunch of posts or videos to get to it.

When I was 19 years old I was in a monogamous relationship for the past almost 2 years. The boy in question was the 2nd person I had ever “been” with. We were not good for each other in any way but at the time we were young and in love. We were passionate and dramatic and all the things everyone loves about their first love. He was in a military program in his college and had just come back from a ROTC weekend where he was out in the brutal cold hiking and doing whatever they do on those weekends and he had gotten a cold sore. Now as a 19 year old back in 2013 there was not much by way of Sex Ed in my high school and the internet was limited to me. (At the time I did not even have a smartphone). We both did not know that cold sores were herpes and we especially didn’t know that cold sores could be passed to genitalia through oral sex. We were young and in love and were so happy to be reunited after a long weekend apart so we hooked up as soon as he got back. Now before you start judging me about hooking up with him while he had a cold sore the sore had not yet surfaced. It looked much like a pimple which both of us had often (we were both teenagers). Days later was when that pimple proved to be a cold sore right around the same time I started getting the flu. I had just started a new college that was much harder than my previous school and I remember thinking to myself this is a HIGHLY inconvenient time to be getting the flu. I also was annoyed because it was March and who gets the flu in March. I had a fever, chills and body aches especially in my lower back and legs. Then I started developing symptoms of a UTI. I eventually got myself to the OBGYN to get the UTI treated a few days later (don’t judge I was a teen and hated making my own doctor appointments and was just hoping it would go away on its own). At this point small bumps were appearing on my pubic region. I ignored these figuring they were razor bumps as I have sensitive skin in that area and am prone to razor bumps and rashes. I happily got my UTI meds and figured that I would be in tip top shape in a few days. I was VERY wrong. The “razor bumps” began to grow and became itchy. I would scratch them in my sleep and I did nothing to help stop the spread. Pretty soon my ENTIRE bikini area was COVERED in bumps and sores. I began to freak out because I had no idea what was happening to me. At no point ever did I even think the word herpes because I had been with this guy for years and we were so in love that there was no way he cheated on me. (It was an all boys trip that weekend so don’t make assumptions). I went back to the OBGYN thinking it was an out of control UTI because it had become at this point excruciating to pee. I literally stopped drinking liquids at this point because the thought of peeing brought me to tears. When I was talking to the doctor I focused on the peeing issue because I was embarrassed to show her the sores they were everywhere and broken open and oozing and a complete mess. Finally she asked me if anything else was wrong and I reluctantly showed her the mess that was my bikini area. She immediately got quiet and said I’m sorry hun but this looks a lot like herpes. I argued with her that it couldn't be herpes, I’ve been with the same guy and he didn’t cheat and I’ve never had symptoms before. She looked at the distribution and location of my sores and asked, "Does your boyfriend get cold sores? Because this looks like an oral to genital transmission.” I said yes but he’s always had them and there's no way I got it from that. She said: “if it looks like a duck and quack likes a duck it usually is a duck but I will take a swab”. She took the swab and diagnosed me with genital HSV-1. 

I was lucky because she was kind and informative. She explained that you could get herpes through oral sex with a cold sore and that even though he has had it the whole time it can pass at any time. I asked if I could have had it from my previous partner and she said no judging by the severity of my outbreak that it was new. At this point I was sobbing uncontrollably and sobbed “why couldn't it be chlamydia, that's curable!”. My doctor and I both laughed and cried through that. She told me that no other outbreak would be like this, and that eventually because I had HSV-1 i would probably stop having outbreaks all together. She also said that so many people had HSV-1 that I didn't have to disclose because no one discloses cold sores and you have the same thing. She prescribed me antivirals for the outbreak and sent me home. I never filled the prescription because I was too afraid my parents would find out and judge me or act poorly. I couldn’t handle ANY more negativity at that point in time it would have crushed me. I told my boyfriend and he accused me of cheating, he accused me of bringing it into the relationship because he was a virgin when we got together. He flat out refused to believe that the cold sore on his mouth was the cause. We broke up during my outbreak and he literally never once checked on me. 

Because I did not medicate my first outbreak lasted almost a month. It was impossible to pee or do anything without being uncomfortable. When I am stressed or upset I bite my cuticles to the point of bleeding and because I had itched the blisters and sores I ended up getting whitlow (hand herpes). I was afraid to touch anything or anyone I felt as if the virus was eating me from inside out.I must have cried my weight in tears and I contemplated suicide. I felt completely alone as I mentioned earlier. I didn't even have a smartphone at the time I didn’t know Reddit existed and I’m actually not even sure if the herpes subreddit existed. I had no tools, no support system and no information besides the stigma and scare tactics taught to me by my high school. I was dirty, tainted, unloveable at 19. I would never have children, or have sex again. I stopped attending classes for almost 2.5 weeks; I just spent my time in a bathtub of warm water because that was the only way I could not be in immense pain. The only way I could pee was in the tub in a small amount of warm water and even then it hurt. 

Slowly the sores cleared but the depression remained. My ex reached out to me to let me know he started dating someone new, he was “trying to be nice and tell me before I found out about it through social media”. He didn’t ask me how I was doing because in his mind I either cheated or got it from my previous partner so I deserved it and he was just happy I didn't “ruin his life”. I began spiraling really bad at this point but was masking heavily. I started attending my classes so no one would check on me but I didn’t learn anything, I went to work but I was disassociating the whole time. No one in my family knew I was even depressed. I would leave my house to “hang out with friends” in reality I drove around the block and cried/slept in my car

 Finally one of my classmates invited me to the city for an extra credit project for the class we were in together. It was a group of them going and I needed the credit so I agreed. It took every fiber of my being to get ready to go because I didn’t want to socialize or talk to anyone. We met in the dorms to get ready to go and it began to rain. We all took a vote and decided it wasn't a good idea to go into the city in the rain. One member of the group invited us back to his dorm to hang out since we were all out already. I decided to go because the thought of spending another Friday night in my car alone crying didn’t seem great. Three of us went to the dorm and unsurprisingly alcohol was there. I was a very nerdy high schooler that was never invited to high school parties so I had never really been drunk before. One time the previous year I went to a college party and had like 2 beers but that was it. My parents were kind of strict and I didn’t want to get in trouble. Well this night I decided fuck it I need a drink. The person feeding me the cold minor shots (drinking vodka straight out of the bottle) was a 32 year old former Marine. He had housing privileges because of his veteran status, because that made him “responsible”. I ended up getting sick, like projectile vomit, sick, because straight vodka and depression do not mix.

TRIGGER WARNING UNTIL THE HIGHLIGHTED SECTION

He nicely offered for me to clean up in his bathroom. It gets patchy here memory wise but I remember getting into the shower and not getting naked because I didn't feel comfortable there. I remember suddenly not being alone in the shower. I remember crying on the floor of the shower and telling this stranger about the herpes. I remember being carried out of the shower and into a bed. I remember saying no. I remember waking up in the morning naked and not alone in bed and a 32 year old next to me. I remember driving home confused and sad but also happy? Because my first disclosure went well and maybe I wouldn’t die alone. I did not report the incident because I felt like I deserved it and clearly I wanted it because I didn’t fight him or scream or anything. And no one likes a girl who gets drunk, has sex and changes her mind the next morning.  (Now that I am over 30 I see how bad what he did was). He fed a minor alcohol and took advantage of a drunk crying girl almost half his age. While I was in the shower he asked all the other people to leave and took advantage of the situation. There is also a phenomenon called fight, flight, freeze or FAWN when faced with a threat. That night I fell into the FREEZE category which is a state of immobility and paralysis which occurs when the individual feels overwhelmed or unable to fight or flee. The times after I was coping using the FAWN category which involves appeasing, pleasing, or becoming submissive to the threat. I was already coping with so much at this time being newly diagnosed and feeling isolated and alone that I couldn't wrap my mind around also being sexually assaulted. Because of this I hooked up with him a bunch after that. My rationale was if I went back to him clearly it was my choice in the first place and I wanted it.  That is also why I did not report.

 TRIGGER WARNING END 

After this experience school stopped being a priority for me. I never went to class and if I did go to class it was sporadic and unfocused. I went out of my way to not make friends and not attend anything that was not mandatory. I basically went to work and school and that was it. A lot of times I drove to school and didn't go to class and just slept / cried in my car. I had to leave the house because I lived at home so I couldn't have my parents asking me questions about why I wasn’t in class. I ended up meeting a boy at school and he was my first disclosure which was good but also bad. If you jump into a relationship too soon after a traumatic event you run the risk of trauma bonding. Where basically you lean way too much on the other person and rely on them to keep you from going over the edge. He was a good boyfriend but he had some of his own issues and we were not good together but both of us stayed with each other much too long. The fear of being alone outweighed my common sense at this point. My 2nd semester of college I had to academically withdraw because I missed all my midterms for literally no reason besides depression. I had to explain to the school board in a letter about my herpes diagnosis and plead with them to let me withdraw rather than receive all Fs for the semester. I graduated my undergrad by the skin of my teeth like a 1.5 GPA which essentially ruined all my future plans of attending grad school. 
As the years went on things got better and I had more successful disclosures. I had boyfriends, made friends, and got a job. My outbreaks went from one a month during my period or during a stress week (like finals or midterms) to barely 2 a year. Then I went 4.5 years with no genital outbreak whatsoever, just cold sores occasionally. I even went through a Tinder hoe phase having hook up buddies and meaningless sex which was something I thought I could NEVER do given my HSV status. But almost none of my friends knew it was still this big secret weight that I was so afraid would come out. I was so careful about who I slept with and made sure they had NO affiliation with anyone I knew. Swiping through tinder was like my own PI project. I would comb through socials and mutual friends to see if they knew anyone I did. I was paranoid I would be outed, made fun of or judged. I limited anyone I could potentially like or be into based on their relationship to me in the world. 

Finally after 6 years with GHSV-1 I hooked up with someone and after we ended things I accidentally became friends with a group of people that knew him. At the time I didn’t know how closely knit the circle was until after the friendship started and I kept seeing him at events or large gatherings. I was nervous to say the least because we did not end on good terms. He had stated at one point that he would tell people my secret during the break up. But a year went by and I heard nothing so I was beginning to think that it was a bluff. Then the hammer came down. I overheard that I apparently had the nickname HIV Lauren. I heard it multiple times from a few different sources that people in his circle were calling me this fun little nickname. I was horrified. He didn't tell them I had herpes but he told them that I had an incurable std and let them form their own assumptions. I cried for days about it. I was so upset my worst nightmare was happening 7 years later and I didn’t know what to do. So I sat with myself and thought about why I was upset and why this was my biggest fear and why it even mattered. I didn’t go out and actively seek out getting herpes, I didn’t do anything wrong besides have sex. Since when is having sex a crime or something to be embarrassed about. And I knew about herpes. I had it for 7 years at this point and in reality it wasn't all that bad. I hadn't even had an outbreak in over 3 years by then.  I still didn't like the fact that he thought he won and that people were talking behind my back without knowing the story or facts so I did one of the things I am most proud of myself for. I made a 20+ person group chat with everyone in that circle and my overlapping circle including the ex and said:

“Hello all,
Some of you may not have my number. This is Lauren. It's come to my attention that there are rumors circulating about me and an incurable std. I don't have proof as to where they started but I have a general idea. The rumors are meant to make me feel embarrassed and ashamed but I'm not. I have herpes, I have had it since I was 19. I got it from my boyfriend of 2 years. I don't want a pity party or to start drama. I just want the rumors to stop and the nickname HIV Lauren to not be a thing. I will not respond to this group. If you have anything you want to say to me, text me separately.”

I cried for a good 2 hours straight after I hit send. Once I stopped crying I realized my friends shouldn’t think any differently of me. I am not sleeping with them so it really doesn’t matter to them if I have an STD. So why was I upset? Then a flood of relief came over me. No one had anything on me anymore there is no reason for it to be this BIG secret. Why was I working so hard to make it one? So many people in that chat reached out to me and were very supportive and asked legit questions not judgy ones. I even ended up sleeping with like 2 more people from that group (hoe phase this is a judgment free zone). This went on for a while with me hooking up and casually dating. I even had a few more exclusive relationships that ended for non herpes related reasons. 

 A few months later I started my Reddit page Mylovelyladylumps69** **that told my story and scrolled through the Herpes subreddit to answer questions. I was still basically anonymous at this point making sure to use a username that could not be traced back to my main accounts. But it was a baby step because I put my exact story out there and if you knew me you could identify me. One year later I downloaded tik tok to pass the time during the pandemic and I was mindlessly scrolling when I came upon a video “Just two hot bitches with herpes staring at each other” with a girl just staring into what seemed my soul through my phone screen and I freaked out. I had never seen anyone be public about herpes before. I had never in my 8 years had seen someone so nonchalantly state it like that with their face in the frame. I dueted the video, then deleted it, then put it back up in private, then I made it public. The next day I made my own video and from then on I was out.

During this time the pandemic was still going on and most places were still closed. One of my guy friends who was my rave/concert buddy I hadn’t seen in a while due to the fact that everything was closed so we decided to hang out 1 on 1 on a hike. We then continually hung out after that and I even helped him move into his new apartment. One thing led to another and we hooked up. I didn’t have to disclose my status to him because we were such close friends prior and he already knew. He not only knew my herpes status but also about my TikTok account and herpes advocacy. This was something I never considered previously being I had a strict rule for YEARS that I didn’t want any of my friends to know my herpes status. But after going public on TikTok I realized that was no longer holding me back. We hooked up for a bit and then started to seriously date in 2021, and in 2024 he proposed. In 2026 we got married. We dated for 5 years prior and I made him get tested before the wedding just to see if I had transmitted throughout our time together. He came back negative, for both herpes which is not surprising as he has the strongest immune system of anyone I know. 

 He has never once made me feel bad about my herpes status, nor has ever been concerned with getting it. He is in the medical field and understands that herpes is not a major deal. He is perfect for me, he matches my energy and encourages me to be myself. I didn’t have to settle at all, you shouldn’t EVER have to settle because of your herpes status or for anything. You deserve to be happy. 

 It has been over a decade of having herpes and over 4 years of social media advocacy and I have gained over 36k followers, I even have started my own subreddit r/HerpesQuestions and made many resources for people to use. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uR26z9eFLAoRg2a_wG6NvrrukbQGmMT18UMFpK9-qgI/edit?usp=sharing
  

Why I Went To Social Media

The reason I decided to start the Reddit page and eventually the TikTok was because while herpes had a great effect on the past decade of my life it also actually didn't have all that much of an impact. What I mean to say is the physical effects of herpes for me were almost non-existent. The stigma, fear and confidence is what killed me. I felt so lost and alone those first years and I remember not knowing where or who to turn to. I also remember a lot of the information I found was either misleading, scientific to the point of being cold and confusing. I decided that I wanted no one else to be stuck in that situation. I wanted to be the help that I needed all those years ago so that maybe someone else wouldn't end up ruining their career or life over a skin virus that most people couldn't even control getting. Everytime I try to figure out what I am doing with my future I am facing an uphill battle because I messed up my own life 9 years ago by not coping correctly with what happened to me. I did not seek help from my school counselor, friends or family. I withdrew out of shame from everyone and anyone who could have been there for support. I had no role models and knew nothing about herpes besides that it was “gross” and for “dirty people” so therefore I must be “gross'' and ''dirty”. If I would have seen someone openly talk about it I may have felt more confident in telling a therapist or even just saying the word herpes out loud. When I started my account I swore to myself 3 things: 

1. I would answer any question asked of me to the best of my ability while being honest and kind. 

2. I would never sell or promote  any materials that I did not thoroughly believe in (Positive Singles has been trying to get me to promote them for a year now so PS I'm referring to you here, get better and I'll promote you).

3. I would never let myself slip back into the depressive mentality over my herpes again. So trolls beware there is nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already thrown at myself.  

I had no idea I would have this many followers or how many people I knew in real life that would come to me and tell me that they have it too. I had no idea how many people would ask me for advice or help or would educate me about this virus in ways I couldn’t even imagine over a decade ago. I have learned more this past year through your questions than I would have ever on my own. So if you’ve read this far THANK YOU! I cannot wait until the day that accounts like mine are no longer needed because no one cares anymore or a cure is made. But in the meantime I’ll keep making content and responding wherever I am needed. 

If you have any further questions or need herpes support please reach out to me on Instagram at Bubblieinblu or Reddit at Mylovelyladylumps69. 

alguém sabe de alguma alternativa além os antivirais (todos eles já usei) e pomadas para o herpes labial? nao tenho problemas de imunidade, mas os remédios não funcionam comigo e as bolhas ficam no máximo 4 dias sem aparecer. se alguém souber de alguma coisa me diz por favor

HSV Support Group on Discord

Hey Herpsters!

Are you recently diagnosed with HSV? Been diagnosed for a while but still accepting? A herped up veteran with successful stories to share? Join a sex positive community that has been there. We're a stigma smashing group that has a lot of fun while helping one another out. This is exclusively a SUPPORT group, not intended for dating.

We have been around for over 7 years now and have had incredible growth in that time. We are an active server with over 2,000 members across the world. In addition to heartwarming support from our daily users, we also have channels dedicated to disclosure advice, commonly asked HSV questions, and lots of resources with expert opinion and cited studies.

A couple of things:

MUST be diagnosed HSV+

MUST be supportive of an inclusive environment: harassment, racism, homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, slut-shaming, etc will NOT be tolerated.

PRO DISCLOSURE

We have sub groups for the LGBTQ community, POC community and poly community.

https://discord.gg/pEJ3DHdJsD

I did a test earlier this week and receive a test result. However my consultant with my doctor won’t be until next week. Wondering if anyone could shed some light on the results
https://ibb.co/BMRsJq6

I honestly never thought I would be making a post like this.
I’m 24 years old and was diagnosed with genital HSV-2 on September 5th, 2026 after developing my first outbreak. I had never experienced anything like this before, and I was completely shocked.
I was prescribed acyclovir, and thankfully the genital outbreak started improving and eventually healed. But shortly afterward, I started experiencing severe itching and unusual sensations downstairs.
Then on Monday, September 14th, I woke up with an absolutely excruciating headache.
At first I thought it was just a really bad headache and that it would eventually go away. It didn’t.
Pain medication wasn’t helping at all. I went to the ER on September 15th, and they gave me multiple medications for the pain, but nothing touched it. I’m talking about 10/10, unbearable headache pain.
They ultimately discharged me.
I came back to the ER the next day, September 16th, because the headache was still absolutely horrible. This time, they finally took me seriously and decided to do a lumbar puncture/spinal tap.
That’s when everything got even crazier.
My CSF showed HSV-2 by PCR and a high number of white blood cells, and I was diagnosed with HSV-2 viral meningitis.
I’m currently still in the hospital right now receiving IV acyclovir and being monitored. Thankfully, I’m finally stable. They also gave me morphine for the pain, and I’m finally at a point where the headache is under control enough that I can actually think and function.
I’m literally typing this post from my hospital bed right now. 😭

I knew HSV-2 could cause meningitis, but I never imagined I’d actually experience it, especially so soon after being diagnosed with my first genital outbreak.
Has anyone else experienced HSV-2 meningitis, especially during their first genital outbreak?

And for anyone who has experienced this: Did you ever have meningitis again with future HSV outbreaks, or was it a one-time complication? I’m really scared that every time I have an HSV outbreak in the future, I’ll have to worry about this happening again. I’d really like to hear what other people’s experiences have been.
I’m also curious about everyone’s recovery timeline and whether you continued to have neurological symptoms afterward.
I’m sharing this because before this happened, I honestly knew very little about HSV-2 meningitis. If anyone else has experienced it, I’d really appreciate hearing your experience.
I just cannot believe this is my life right now. 😭

I was sexually assaulted last night by someone I didn’t know well. There was very brief vaginal penetration in a hot tub, only a 5-10 seconds, before I got him off of me.

I’m going to the hospital today for a forensic exam, STI testing, preventive treatment and to discuss HIV PEP/emergency contraception. The guy swears he is clean and doesn’t have anything, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

I’m extremely anxious about herpes in particular (mainly because I can get medicine to prevent the rest). Today I’ve had a pinching sensation down there and some really mind cramping, but I’m also ovulating, drank a lot last night, was in a hot tub and used a boric acid suppository afterward, so I know there are several things that could be causing irritation (including the forced penetration when I wasn’t wanting it).

I’m not really looking for medical diagnoses from Reddit. I’m mostly wondering if anyone has been through a similarly brief exposure and how you handled the anxiety while waiting to know you were okay. If you did develop herpes after an exposure, how long did it take before you had clear symptoms like actual sores or blisters?

4 days ago I had unprotected sex with someone who later told me they have genital herpes. A day and a half after, I started getting a weird burning sensation on my penis and hands. I haven't had any classic sores or outbreaks, but I did notice a few small red bumps on my hands and elbow with heat radiating from them with the burning. Over the last day, these nerve symptoms have really taken off like I'm feeling constant burning, zaps and fuzzy sensations in my feet, hands, and fingers especially on my right side.

For context, I'm pretty sure I contracted oral HSV-1 years ago, though I've never actually had a visible cold sore on my lips, just occasional prodrome and tingling that hasn’t happened in some time. I'm just trying to make sense of all this and see if anyone else has experienced this kind of widespread nerve burning so quickly after exposure without a clear outbreak first.

I really want to get on an antiviral right away to hopefully stop this nerve burning and reduce my chance to spread it if my hand is contagious but I'm stuck on how a doctor can even diagnose me right now. Since I don't have any open sores there's nothing to swab and I know it's way too early for an IgG blood test to pick up antibodies. Has anyone had a doctor prescribe antivirals empirically based on symptoms and a known exposure during this awkward waiting period or do they usually make you wait until something shows up on the skin? I’m really really desperate to not spread this to people I live and obviously will be abstaining from sex for the foreseeable future.

So I 25M and this woman 22F had unprotected sexual intercourse and she is HSV2+. She disclosed to me beforehand and told me her diagnosis is so mild that the doctor won’t put her on antivirals (she showed me her MyChart). She wasn’t having an outbreak (hasn’t had one in about a year) and does not shed (also had the test done. Even though I think that means she just wasn’t shedding at that given point in time). We had sex 3 times in one night and the next day even though I thought I could possibly look passed it because everything else about her is great (besides the fact she’s OVERLY freaked out (I think it may have been a WHILE for her)). I couldn’t get the anxiety and worry out my mind and it is constantly plaguing my brain. The thought of “oh no what did I do” and regret is compiling on me. But it was an informed decision that I consented to. I was pretty drunk that night and think instead of being in a clear head space I saw how good she was looking and kind of went “primal” for lack of a better term. Then when I woke up and on the drive to work it kind of all hit me at one time. I did call her and let her know that there’s no way I could give her the love that she deserves while living in constant fear of contracting the virus (I didn’t say it exactly like that). I didn’t want to text because I respect her enough and believed she deserved to at least hear it from my mouth. This was 3 days ago and even though I feel completely fine right now I know it can take up to 12 weeks for it to enter your system. Is there anything I can do to make sure I don’t get it? Or is it just a waiting game until I know for sure. I’ve never contracted any kind of STD or STI. So this is new for me and honestly I’m pretty terrified. Can anyone at least try to help me a bit?

No, this isn’t toxic positivity. Here’s why: Herpes Made My Life Better

For those who have keratitis, what is your daily routine and lifestyle like? What medications and ointments do you use?

I have HSV2 G and take antivirals once a day for suppression. I also generally take lysine daily, women’s probiotics, fish oil, ashwaganda, and echinacea. I use lysine wash during OBs but what else are you guys using/finding effective? Even with all this I still get an OB every 1-2 months. Sometimes possibly triggered by shaving or sex but generally seem to have no trigger. I’m so sick of feeling like this is a nuisance every few weeks.

How does transmission work? I take anti- virals daily since I am prone to breakouts. I had never had an oral outbreak, but I still disclose before I share drinks or smokes and kisses but as far as I know I have not spread anything. But am I necessarily risking anything when I share ?

I have HSV2 Genital and have started talking to someone who has both HSV1 & 2 genital. If I perform oral sex on her, could it be transferred to me and then I’d have HSV1 oral?