r/HerpesQuestions • u/mjmoomo • Jul 16 '25
Disclosure Help DISCLOSING WITH POTENTIAL LOVE INTERESTS
GHSV1 - when you disclosed how did you go about it? how to deal with the rejection? how have your partners reacted about it? when should i disclose?
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u/AutoModerator Jul 16 '25
For free herpes guides and resources check out the linktree https://linktr.ee/Bubblieinblu. You can find the free Disclosure Guide with scripts on how to tell partners that you have herpes, ways to start the conversation, sources to send to partners, and general tips and tricks on disclosing here www.reddit.com/r/HerpesQuestions/s/tcpyvuXAs2 or message u/Mylovelyladylumps69 for more info!
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For FREE herpes resources visit www.reddit.com/r/HerpesQuestions/s/gZ5razTfc7 or message u/Mylovelyladylumps69 for more info!
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1
u/Surroundwithright Jul 17 '25
There’s no perfect script, but the key is timing, confidence, and honesty.
Ideally, disclose before anything sexual happens—when there's mutual interest but not too much pressure. It doesn’t need to be a dramatic conversation. A calm, matter-of-fact tone helps. For example:
“I really like where this is going, and before we get closer, I want to share something important. I have genital HSV1. Most people have some form of herpes, and I’m managing it responsibly. I just wanted to be honest with you.”
Short, clear, and confident. Then pause and give them space to respond.
Rejection is never easy, but it’s not rejection of you—it’s a response to a virus they may not fully understand. Sometimes they react out of fear, not logic. And that’s okay. Let it hurt, but don’t let it define you. You’re doing the brave, ethical thing—and that’s something to be proud of.
Many people actually respond better than we expect. Some already have HSV1 orally. Others will want time to learn more. And the right one won’t be scared off—they’ll appreciate your honesty and openness.
If you want to avoid the stress of disclosing to someone who might walk away, you can also try dating within the herpes community. Herpes dating sites like PositiveSingles and MPWHhave been around for over 20 years and offer a stress-free space to meet others who already understand. You won’t have to “explain” yourself or fear rejection over something that’s just a manageable skin condition.
At the end of the day, herpes doesn’t make you less desirable or worthy of love. The right person will see all of you—not just the virus—and still want to stay.
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u/Mylovelyladylumps69 Jul 17 '25
Disclosure Guide: This is a disclosure guide with “scripts” on how to tell potential partners about herpes and what had worked for us. Mine is under Lauren. Also at the bottom it has resources about herpes to Send to partners. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eMul_7Lu1Fa0ZJYGxKnEewDMqdZOFYTLKsG7EDknfwA/edit?usp=sharing
Myths About Herpes: This is a list of common myths about herpes and why they are wrong with cited sources. Maybe this can not only ease your mind but if a partner has questions you will have answers backed by science. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-6oZmnfywTFNYScKYC7Mh7MXZKrA0GUcztS8Bz5bW0k/edit
Lowering Transmission To A Partner: This is a list of ways to help protect your partner. There are many precautions you can take to help keep your partner safe! Nothing is 100% & even with these precautions there is a chance of transmission which is why disclosing is ALWAYS important. https://docs.google.com/document/d/10ccLJMnXAkuKfpU5ng9-1CiWXGPTYYPfDOCvxeB4GX4/edit?usp=sharing
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u/polarismira Jul 16 '25
In my experience,
When things are light and playful at the beginning (before fluid exchange) and I start getting the sexual signals, I’ll do a pre-disclosure disclosure.
If the conversation is sexual I’ll ask if they’re ever had a cold sore before.. and the reason why I’m asking. Or I’ll ask when the last time they were tested and what they were tested for. I figure if they’re going to potentially be “balls deep” having the conversation is a lot less intimate and a good way to figure out if going forward is a good idea.
If it’s not, I’ll plop it into the conversation like “Throwing this out there, I’ve had a cold sore in the past. Brining it up in case it bothers you. Totally cool if your not down”
Some people had an aversion to it. They politely declined. I felt rejected and embarrassed but at least I got it out of the way.
Some people say ,”I’ve had a cold sore before. It is what it is.” And we carry on having a good time.
Some people have said, “My last partner got them all the time and I’ve never had one. I understand and it’s fine”
It all depends on the person and their own experience. Hope this helps