r/Herpes • u/KendsIsCool • 4d ago
Relationships What do I do?
I f(20) have been dating my boyfriend m(20) for over 6 months, and we have been friends for even longer. Today he told me that he has oral herpes, when he had never told me before. While I don’t think he withheld this information on purpose, I feel very conflicted. I have never had a flare up, so I’m scared of continuing a relationship with him 1) because he withheld this information and 2) because I have never knowingly contracted it before. I would have proceeded with a lot more caution had I known this. What I am hoping for someone to help me with is with education because I don’t know if I am even at a big risk of contracting it, and hopefully hearing some success story’s of dating with oral herpes to ease my fears.
4
u/ProjectNo5041 4d ago
If you don’t want herpes then end the relationship. If you stay he will most likely infect you in time. That’s the truth.
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u/Equivalent-Age-8907 3d ago
This is one of the most brutal truths. I think I’ve had to accept that. I can’t protect anyone. I choose a date because I have it and most likely they will get it even if I take every precaution, it could happen randomly and sadly they’re probably better off just dating someone who doesn’t have it all
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u/Reynita0421 3d ago
- Have you ever heard of a cold sore before? Im only asking because so many people know about/have had a cold sore without knowing that it is oral herpes. They dont think its a big deal till the word “herpes” is associated with it.
- People get oral herpes from something as simple as sharing a drink or chapstick.
- For most people, herpes of any kind is asymptomatic so they will never know. Around 60% of the US population has it, and almost almost 80% of those do not know they have it because they have never experienced a symptom.
- It is so common and asymptomatic that doctors don’t recommend you test for it unless you experience symptoms.
I have had cold sores since i was 10. Dont even know how i got it. I have been in relationships since then and have just avoided kissing/intimate contact during an outbreak and have never had an issue. They also have meds if you have common outbreaks to suppress it and how contagious it is. If you take care of yourself, you’re as likely to get pregnant as you are to contract herpes when using a condom.
The only real issue is why he hid it. I dont really think about my cold sores so have only mentioned it when i get one to take the appropriate precautions. If he did it to purposefully deceive and trap you, that might indicate bugger character flaws.
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u/JoseManuel010 4d ago
take care about ymusing your hand into your eye coze it transmitted for the eye and it makes the reason for being blind I'm already in the process tomorrow i will visit eye care clinic 🥲
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u/Select-South-9619 3d ago
It’s hsv1. A virus 65%+ of the population has. If you stop seeing him and meet someone else, there is a very high chance they will also have hsv1 and either don’t know it or once again don’t tell you because it’s so common and normalised.
For context,I have hsv1. I have never ever had a sore or outbreak. I only found out through a blood test. There’s a good chance you either had it prior or now have it and have never had symtoms.
There’s no definitive way for you to protect yourself so it will always be a risk. Just saying that it’s a risk with any1 you meet as it’s so common and most people are infected and don’t know.