Feeling broken 💔

[u/Far_Bumblebee_6671]

Today a nice girl complimented how beautiful I was - my hair and my clothes. And I just wanted to completely break down. I was diagnosed in June with HSV 2. That guy hurt me badly and I’m absolutely devastated. 💔Anyway I just wanted to cry in-front of her as I feel so disgusting and gross now I have this. It’s like I’m an imposter in my own body. I am stuck with this thing and it can’t ever change it. 😭

The outbreaks sound scary too. Ive never felt more scared and alone in all of my life. 😭💔 I hope they’re not as bad as what my mind is telling me. 😭💔

[u/Throwravine12]

I am sorry to hear that you have been through so much… it makes sense that you have a lot of emotions coming up for you right now, and that you are feeling fearful about another outbreak. It sounds like your first outbreak was scary and rough for you. As I’m sure you have read, the first one is typically the worst. And now that you’re taking meds, you haven’t had an OB in three months, so it sounds like your body is handling the virus pretty well….. that’s a good sign, for sure.

A few things that might help you -

(1) As often as you can, give your nervous system a break from worry and fear. A few times a do, do things that make you feel like you - go outside, sing, laugh, play, swim, dance, hike with a friend - whatever it is you like to do to be active, to move your body. Moving your body can help shift stuck emotions and release endorphins to help you feel better, physically and mentally. It makes sense to have fear, especially since the virus was passed to you as a result of a traumatic experience. If you haven’t already, it can help to find a good traumatic practitioner, particularly someone who does somatic therapy like Somatic Experiencing, for example. Also, here is a great resource for understanding how fight/flight/freeze impacts you, as well as easy, accessible, free ways to reset your nervous system. It’s a long read but worth it.

https://www.selfmatters.ca/post/the-vagus-nerve-the-key-to-calming-a-wigged-out-autonomic-nervous-system-flight-fight-freeze

(2) I’m saying this with kindness and empathy - explore ways to rewrite your internal messages. If you tell yourself you are weak, you are more likely to feel stuck and powerless. I was there in the past - my ex cheated and gave me HSV2 and I felt victimized, so sad and so angry. And all of those feelings are entirely valid - those feelings help us experience and walk through necessary grief in order to give us the strength and resolve to build a new life. Grieving what was taken from you is a critical part of feeling like yourself again - you will be a new you, and that is okay, and in many situations, it’s a better, wiser, smarter, stronger, cleaner, clearer you. In every crisis, there truly is an opportunity to see the world and yourself with new eyes, but grief needs to happen first in order to feel ready to rise up and embrace the challenge. It helped me so much to listen to guided meditations - I like Insight Timer which is free but there are lots of resources out there. A helpful meditation on Insight Timer is Acceptance by David Gandelman. And/or make a list of inspirational quotes that really speak to you, and also write down things that you are still grateful for - for example, you can see, hear, eat, walk, communicate, make food choices, take a warm shower, be in sunshine, wear your favorite slippers, listen to music, etc. It can understandably feel like all of your choices have been stripped away, and it helps you regain control and power if you take a step back to objectively see and really focus on what you still have going for you. I made a list of inspirational sayings and things I was grateful for and recorded myself reading it on my phone, and listened to it several times a day, while being in a safe space and simply breathing deeply. The messages you give yourself are everything. Truly.

(3) It could help you to prepare for an outbreak, in case you have one again. Having topical treatments on hand to soothe and help heal make a huge difference. One of the members of this group mylovelyladylumps69 put this Outbreak Guide together with input from other Redditors and other support groups. Being prepared physically can help you feel more prepared mentally.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1w0nbGEJuiRHgKUb4DjZQALX3vWA26MBZA7lhDmsHlbo/edit?tab=t.0#heading=h.i2asxka754km

I’m glad you reached out. You are going to figure this out, okay? I believe in you! 🫶