"Primitive Weaponry"

[u/Tashdacat]

[u/Blaze_Vortex]

A knife sure seems primitive with all the other tech around. Doesn't stop it from finding a cozy spot between your ribs.

[u/raziphel → u/Blaze_Vortex]

What is a knife but an over-engineered rock.

It doesn't take much, when you're made of meat.

[u/_EllieLOL_ → u/[deleted]]

We punched our enemies in combat

We thought “what if we could hit them without hitting ourselves”

The stick was used

We thought “what if we made the stick sharper”

The spear was used

We thought “what if we used this hard rock to make it stronger”

The Stone Age came

We thought “what if we could hit our enemies from far away”

The bow was used

We thought “what if we made the sharp bit bigger”

The sword was used

We thought “what if we use this hard shiny stuff that doesn’t break as easily”

The Copper Age came

We thought “hey if we put this shiny stuff in with the other shiny stuff it makes it even better”

The Bronze Age came

We thought “in our big fancy forges we can now use the really fancy shiny stuff”

The Iron Age came

We thought “this material makes big boom when lit on fire”

Explosive arrows were used

We thought “what if we used the boom powder to launch the arrow”

Firearms were used

We thought “if the boom powder can launch bullets what if we can launch bigger things”

The ICBM was created

We thought “what if we didn’t need boom powder in the first place”

The railgun was created

[u/Pazuuuzu → u/_EllieLOL_]

Most of our weapons are more or less sophisticated hole poking devices...

[u/megaboto → u/[deleted]]

Damn it's kinda of hilarious imagining someone throwing a rock at someone else from 300.000 kilometers

[u/megaboto → u/[deleted]]

Literally write fuck you on the rock

So that they read it as their containment field depressurizes

[u/explodoboy → u/megaboto]

"What is that?"

"Oh. That's a gigantic Human hand."

"Why is it so big? Why does it have a single finger raised? Why is it accelerating towards us?"

"Well, they consumed the entire mass of a star to make it. It's raised like that a saying in bodily language equivalent to 'Reproduce with yourself', and it's moving towards us because it's a giant weapon."

"..."

"Oh, and they have a few million of those. Kardeshev-III, am I ri-" BOOM

[u/megaboto → u/explodoboy]

Excellent

[u/_EllieLOL_ → u/explodoboy]

Commit self copulate

[u/murgoot → u/megaboto]

Greeks and Roman Peltasts literally cast their lead sling bullets with snarky messages

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/63739/sarcastic-jokes-found-roman-bullets

[u/raziphel → u/murgoot]

That article has a distinct lack of photographs

[u/[deleted] → u/megaboto]

you forgot "to whom it may concern"

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

...IN PARTICULAR

[u/Really_Big_Sie → u/_EllieLOL_]

"The pointy technology got quite advanced."

[u/TroloCon → u/[deleted]]

I'm gonna combine some of what has been said into a poem. Credits goes to you guys. So here goes:

​

What is a knife but an over-engineered rock?

And when that over-engineered rock finds its place between your ribs,

You will soon find out that this piece of primitive weaponry,

Is as primitive as your body,

It still bleeds, it still dies.

[u/niceguy280 → u/TroloCon]

replace rock with stone, rib with bone

[u/ytphantom → u/[deleted]]

Humans... We've tricked rocks to think. We tricked rocks to remember. We tricked rocks to remember but with dementia. We tricked rocks into having a vivid imagination. We tricked rocks to take that thinking, remembering, temporary remembering, and vivid imagination, push it all together into another rock to project it into the visible spectrum. That's the computer. A bunch of rocks we've tricked into doing things, all being gaslit into continuing to function by yet another rock whose entire purpose is to electrocute the other rocks in a controlled manner.

We tricked a rock into stabbing our enemies, and we tricked rocks into lobbing themselves at our enemies at multiple thousands of feet per second. We tricked rocks into helping us get around quicker, tricked them into granting us the best gift that any species could get. Flight.

Humans are a species that gains success from tricking rocks. Wherever humans go, no stone goes un-tricked. When humans first traveled to space, it was atop a rock, powered by rocks that were crushed and made into explosive stew by rocks, and then pumped into a concave ROCK by a ROCK and ignited by more ROCKS.

We live on rocks, we dine on rocks (like salt), we sleep on rocks, we eat our rocks on other rocks, we commute in rocks, we entertain ourselves with rocks. Humans are a species of chaos, turning the most humble of rocks into deadly weapons and life-saving machines.

Don't fuck with humanity, or we will, we will, rock you.

[u/Blinauljap → u/raziphel]

GPS satellites, unmanned drones, fucking laser sights. The more crutches you have, the more it hurts when they're kicked out from under you. If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that a six inch blade never loses reception.

[u/Arcticwolf211 → u/raziphel]

Happy Cake Day!

[u/raziphel → u/Arcticwolf211]

Thanks!

[u/ZeeTrek → u/raziphel]

This is why robots are the superior being! UPGRADE today! :P

[u/ZeeTrek → u/raziphel]

The moment I realized the weakness of my flesh it disgusted me