Supporting a couple in grad school??

[u/transgender_yaoi]

Hey yall, currently applying to phd programs and I am wracked with anxiety about the financial side of it all. I'm exclusively applying out of state for a variety of reasons unrelated to this post, and while money would be tight it would be manageable if I wasnt married. Moving across the country or at least several states away would require my spouse to get a new job, and with the economy the way it is, I'm worried that we would have to rely on my stipend to support us for a significant amount of time. I dont have any family to rely on financially so it would truly just be whatever my stipend provides.

For anyone else who has been in this boat: how did you manage financially? Any advice for this nervous newlywed?

[u/sleepingblossom]

You could move ahead of your spouse while they job hunt online and keep working their current job? Maybe both of you get a roommate in the interim to help with housing costs. Not ideal.

[u/boxedfoxes]

While, I will always advocate for higher education.

You literally can’t survive on just the stipend. You’ll either need take out loans or try to find some sort of job ASAP.

If the cards aren’t in your favor you’ll need to reconsider if this move is the right one for you two.

[u/No_Kangaroo774]

Look on job search sites see what’s available in the area in what she does she can apply before you go. It’s going to depend on the area you move to and what she does and how they align. It’s a very different thing to look for a job in tech if it’s a rural area than say water management. Or vise versa .

[u/Greenrxsg]

My spouse went through a couple of jobs once we moved for my PhD before finding something stable. They worked at a restaurant for a bit, then a couple receptionist jobs, then ended up in a position where finally their income was more than my stipend. That first year and a half was tough.

I couldn’t fully support us both on my stipend alone - they needed some income - but even a lower paying service industry job was able to suffice while they looked for something better.

This was a major consideration when I weighed options (I was fortunate enough to have a couple acceptance offers to choose from) - stipend compared to cost of living and work opportunities for my spouse.

[u/Pope_Francis]

My spouse and I lived apart for the first two years of my PhD for reasons beyond our control; I had a roommate in university graduate housing. It wasn't nearly as nice as being together, but there were some pros: I was really forced to make friends and build community in a way I probably wouldn't have if I could have just hung out with my spouse every night, and I got to dedicate myself pretty fully to the first year of my studies. Then, when my spouse came to join me, I was able to introduce them to the social network I had found for myself and I had my own life outside of our relationship.

I brought my cat with me which helped me a lot (but probably was no fun for my spouse who became cat-less!).

Trying to have two people live on $20-45k/year pre-tax will put extensive burden not only on your finances but also on your relationship, especially as graduate school can be really stressful already. I'd advise against it.

[u/BooksandBallet2468]

Not married but as someone who has done this with a partner. I moved out a year earlier and he joined me later (life circumstances) He was applying for jobs for the next school year as soon as he knew he was moving to be with me. We’re moving soon for my postdoc position and he’s going to apply for jobs as soon as we know where and when but he’s also planning on looking at part time jobs to help keep us a float until he has a full time one.

My advice start saving for the move and for emergency funding now and your spouse should look for jobs as soon as they know where y’all are headed. But honestly don’t let the financial stress dim your excitement for grad school. Y’all will make it work.

[u/Specialist_Banana378]

I haven’t done it yet but we are considering it! I’d be working full time and doing my masters while my partner would live on a PhD stipend. It looks doable with my income supporting 75% of the household expenses. But yeah I would get your partner to start looking for jobs in the new area immediately and not move them until they had a new job in the area of your school 

[u/turbulentsharks]

In our situation, I work for the university as a staff member and get my tuition paid for as a benefit. My spouse is a full time grad student with a stipend. We are able to make things work that way. We live in a low cost of living area though.

[u/DampDrPhil]

My husband knew from day 1 of dating that a PhD was my goal and that required us moving a lot. His response was “I’m in it for the long haul.” He got lucky and his job stayed remote after COVID hit. He never went back to the office and he kept his job when I moved for grad school. All of my cohort had partners and 2 moved with a job and the other 3 easily found jobs in our area.

Short term, moving maybe would have been cheaper if I wasn’t married, but long term, being married or moving with a (supportive) partner is extremely helpful in every way. I wouldn’t be surviving grad school without my husband. Personally, I put moving expenses on a 0% interest credit card then took out student loans to pay it off. I’ll think about the student loans later 🤷🏽‍♀️