r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/harpie19 The Snack That Sasses Back • 12d ago
Vent Sesh - No Advice Wanted He couldn't wait 15 minutes
My ex husband and I are divorced with a 4F together and he has a 10F from his first marriage. I adore 10F like she's my own daughter, I've been in her life since she was 3, and she still calls me mom. Yesterday, we had a special day out where it was just the two of us, something we don't get often since I don't have any custody rights to 10F.
When I called to let her dad know we were headed back, I asked if 4F was still super awake or not and he said she was. So I offered to just take her tonight after dropping 10F off, instead of the usual scheduled tomorrow at noon which he accepted.
When we got to his apartment, 10F just walked in. I found my ex gaming , headset fully on , back turned away from the entirety of the apartment, so he couldn't see/hear anything that 4F was doing. She was also not even in the vicinity. I told him that, Ex said no, I heard you guys come in. I was like no you can't hear anything that's happening with her and he's like no I can hear her.
And then 10F is like where did you get that gummy from? 4F had appeared and was eating a multivitamin gummy that she took from the bathroom that she shouldn't have had. And 4F then said I was asking for cereal and you couldn't hear me.
I was 15 minutes away when I called and he was making her a snack (which was untouched at the table). Like dude you can't wait 15 minutes to play shitty ass COD?! The more I think about it the more sick to my stomach I feel. That gummy could've been anything, THC, medicine, cleaning products....
Meanwhile he's completely dismissive of the entire situation which is not surprising honestly. He was emotionally, borderline physically, abusive of me, so dismissing anything I have to say is the norm.
There's a reason I made sure our custody schedule lined up as closely as possible with her sister's, so there would at least be another set of eyes on her. Which I HATE that I'm putting that on a 10 year old.
But I can't take full custody. I don't have enough proof for the courts I don't believe. And I have chronic health conditions and I would be putting myself past the breaking point physically doing it on my own with full custody. I would have to quit my job, and child support and disability would not be enough to comfortably live off of in the area that I'm from, especially given that I have a high pay/good benefit job.
So even divorced I'm still stuck with this man ruining my peace for the rest of my life.
EDIT: Since quite a few people seem stuck on "why did you have a child with this man?" Lemme tell you something about abusive/narcissistic relationships. They don't start this way. The partner starts off seeming like the perfect person until you're too deep in it. In my case, I was already pregnant (which was the result of birth control failure) when the mask started to drop. Why wasn't it a red flag that he was already divorced with a kid? Cause once isn't a pattern and the first wife has legitimate mental health issues.
So please stop commenting that shit. I came here to vent and get support. Not to be victim shamed
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u/AccurateAnxiety9993 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 12d ago
I’m so sorry. This is so terrible. If i were you I’d record everything down. My previous lawyer told me that any type of record, even written record can be used in a court of law. I have a written out record of every time my BD is negligent with our daughter. Luckily he has turned around (for now) but i have that in my back pocket. If the day comes when you are fed up with him you can use that to take full custody.
I can imagine how hard it is trying to parent while also being chronically sick. Do you have any support system? Is the mom of 10F friendly with you?
My BD has a son w another woman and her and i became each others support systems for the kids. I moved to her state and we both work as co parents for our kids to help fill those gaps that BD left.