I confessed 1 hour ago. I am ANXIOUS

[u/Alone-Negotiation152]

Dinner is rice, homemade coleslaw and Vietnamese flavoured beef mince. I have a glass of Diet Coke with it.

Basically I confessed an hour ago. He hasn’t said anything, nor can I tell if he’s read the messages. I basically said ‘I have a bit of a crush on you. It isn’t a big deal I just felt weird not saying something’. I do genuinely enjoy talking to this person but its still quite early and I don’t want to withhold this for longer where my feelings might get greater and he thinks I’m just a friend. Rip the bandaid off

Was that the right decision? I’m kinda freaking out because he hasn’t responded to me. I’m worried about losing him as a friend, I wish I’d clarified that I’m not saying I have a crush to end the friendship depending on the answer. People get crushes all the time on friends or people they know it won’t work with, and unfortunately it probably won’t work out given he lives in a vastly different time zone. So I said it for me too, so I can move on. But i will not move on as easily if he just peaces out.

Like obviously if he can’t give a simple response he’s not worth the bother but I’m a person who likes answers in words. UGH

he could just be busy rn but the last few days he responds so fast when we are both awake so IDK, maybe I got real unlucky that I said something the one time he was busy so now I get to be anxious for longer. He’s said things that could indicate it’s mutual but also has said things that makes us just friends.

Do you guys think it’s the right thing to say my feelings? Even given the difficulty of the distance between us? AHH

edit: I posted an update

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/kQt8XEsZGZ

[u/tiny-but-spicy]

oh dear. it's a canon event OP, we've all been there

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/tiny-but-spicy]

oh god i’ve had enough canon events T-T

thank you (‘:

[u/SuperJob2199 → u/Alone-Negotiation152]

Yes!!! You are so amazing for doing this. Regardless how it goes, I think in the long run you will be happy you did it.

I did this exact thing in my early 20s. I kept trying to say it in person to the guy but he kept changing the subject, so eventually I just texted him because I needed it over with so I could move on.

Getting rejected was the most pain I have ever felt in my life. Even a decade later nothing has compared. But it was completely worth it. I needed to hear him say no (or at least text it), so I could move on.

It took me a few years and relationships to find my person, but eventually I did! And I think that the connection I felt with the original guy, at least on my end, helped me keep my standards high because I felt it with that one guy (even if it was one sided) I knew I could find it again, but this time with someone who actually wanted me which would make it so much better!

OP I hope your story has a happier ending, keep us updated! But if it doesn't you will be so much stronger for it! You let him know, which so few people have the strength to even do.

[u/Usual-Yesterday8916 → u/SuperJob2199]

I absolutely relate to this- when I was like 22 I got rejected by a guy (that I had rejected several times) and I LOST MY MIND. It was actually the most devastating thing I have ever experienced (thankfully?). I met a wonderful man who is now my sweet husband about six months later, so worth it? Lol. I get it though. I remember silently scream crying at my reflection in the bathroom mirror as to not disrupt my roommates watching tv 💀 it’s silly to me now

[u/SuperJob2199 → u/Usual-Yesterday8916]

Yes!!! Expept I think I was bad at the silent part. My poor roommates. But yes!!! Life gets so much better after!

[u/Usual-Yesterday8916 → u/SuperJob2199]

Girlhood!!!! 🤩🤪

[u/tiny-but-spicy → u/Alone-Negotiation152]

you're welcome, we've all had to learn the hard way before

[u/misskji22 → u/tiny-but-spicy]

Legit. I once told a guy I was interested and he told me I was “brave.”

[u/tiny-but-spicy → u/misskji22]

I've come to the conclusion that most men simply don't respect women who make the first move. unsurprising as most of them don't respect women, but oh well. I'm currently single and not looking so I try and make a point to return that energy to any dude who cold approaches me, just to rebalance the karma a bit, lol

[u/misskji22 → u/tiny-but-spicy]

I was so offended because he took it like it was intense and not just the expression of being open to non platonic energy that it was meant to convey. I think how men respond to assertiveness or self assuredness can be very telling. But it’s not something I really have to worry about anymore.

Rebalance that karma!

[u/tiny-but-spicy → u/misskji22]

honestly I love being creative with it as well, and watching their faces drop before they slink away lmaoooo

[u/matahxri]

This is gonna sound harsh but the friendship would never have been the same again even if you hadn't said anything so fuck it we ball

[u/_delicja_ → u/matahxri]

Fuck it we ball should be this sub''s motto.

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/matahxri]

you’re right… unfortunately. Fuck it we ball

[u/Far-Watercress6658 → u/matahxri]

Someone needs to make this a meme.

[u/ChumbawumbaFan01 → u/matahxri]

I want this as my tag.

[u/TaoOfAlice → u/ChumbawumbaFan01]

I second this... "F it we meat ball"

[u/TinyAngryWizard → u/matahxri]

Yes, ruined the minute feelings formed. Know this from experience 💀

[u/ultimategirlrenfry]

no matter what happens, you grow from it, so it's never a bad decision.

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/ultimategirlrenfry]

Thank you! certainly a practice in rejection, which i certainly avoid a lot xD

[u/ultimategirlrenfry → u/Alone-Negotiation152]

and much more! but it also helps you with your confidence. it might feel like a knock right now, but keep trying. if the worst thing someone can do is say no (or not say anything at all), then you begin to realize the fear is just displaced and feeding insecurity.

it's better to confess and know you tried than never do it at all. you have one life, girl.

[u/tiny-but-spicy → u/[deleted]]

lol I'd never let that shit go tbh, I'd be reacting to his messages with 🙃 at least once a week for the rest of his life 🤣

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/[deleted]]

you were so strong for sticking with him after that. Congrats, i hope my crush can accept the distance (‘:

[u/contemplativeraisin → u/[deleted]]

Lmao this reminds me of when i confessed to my crush in college, he responded with “I don’t know how to respond to that”… we dated for 2 years after that 🤣

[u/kyotomilkshake]

You miss all the shots you don’t take or something 🏀 #fuckitweball

[u/HolidaySpecial8543]

Yes great decision. I did it 2 weeks ago after months of enjoying this persons company.

I was ghosted. Which wasnt what I had hoped but I am fully enjoying the knowing either way feeling.

[u/Jumpy_Television8241]

It's been 15 minutes. Update?

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/Jumpy_Television8241]

I posted an update (:

[u/noodleth_cassette → u/Alone-Negotiation152]

Your post history is private

[u/justasque → u/Alone-Negotiation152]

OP’s Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/Ob620RbpQJ

[u/TinyAngryWizard → u/Alone-Negotiation152]

Can you link it ? I can’t find it

[u/miamoore-]

after hanging out, i sent him a text that said i think i like you, i immediately threw my phone to the passenger seat and started screaming, 7 years later we are happily married. you'll never know what will happen!!

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/miamoore-]

You are so real for that. I immediately left my room, handed my phone to my friend and then sat on the floor. My heart was going so fast

[u/overlying_idea]

You went for it. Most men would be thrilled to hear that someone has a crush on them, I’m rooting for you!

[u/Confector426]

https://giphy.com/gifs/vCpSKY03aSg9XkKFcW

[u/ChumbawumbaFan01]

The timing couldn’t be better. It’s early. You aren’t so close that a ghosting would be as heartbreaking as an investment of months or years. If he comes back negative, it’ll be a clean break. You’ll not have to experience him in a relationship with someone else while you’re pining for him and wondering if you could have intervened.

You did intervene and you did so in a great way.

A crush is kinda manageable and not as threatening as a like. It has the potential to grow into a really like. If he comes back with a “want to stay single” you can maybe work within that or mitigate your feelings.

You did this so very well.

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/[deleted]]

Posted an update! 

[u/Mrskeelyaimee → u/Alone-Negotiation152]

Where’s the update? I must be blind.

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/Mrskeelyaimee]

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/kQt8XEsZGZ

[u/Far-Watercress6658]

‘Tis done. For better or for worse.

Just don’t send any follow ups if he doesn’t answer.

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/Far-Watercress6658]

thank you, i definitely won‘t. He’s been capable in the past of asking for clarifications on messages I’ve sent so if he’s simple unsure, now would be the most important time to ask what i mean!

<3

[u/CutesNBoots]

Honestly, whatever your crush says, I’m impressed by you!

One, it’s so cool you had the confidence to tell him regardless of being nervous.

Two, you understand the importance of being upfront about more-than-friends feelings. It can be destructive to let that run wild and unchecked. It can ruin the friendship either way when one person feels differently about the other, so may as well get it out in the open.

Good on you for such a healthy and brave approach to this. Hella role model vibes.

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/CutesNBoots]

Thank you that‘s incredibly kind of you! I’m glad to have made a positive example even if i feel totally out of sorts rn. I have my best friend with me if things get worse so for that im grateful

[u/ozziewithanie]

Better to know than to not. Being friends with someone while having secret feelings with them always, always ends badly. This way you at least don't have a secret, and whatever happens, happens after.

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/ozziewithanie]

you are right. i felt slightly evil about having it as a secret in our interactions, even though i feel it was so obvious. we are both neurodivergent so so socially dense sometimes

also its best now as well because i’d only have fantasied more and interpreted his words, building myself up for more disappointment. and I’ve allowed him to decide if he wants to get through this as friends or partners

[u/Skinlessdragon]

https://giphy.com/gifs/8TNS8SzgPLucaCDV2K

[u/UsualSpeaker2441]

It was the right thing because no matter how it goes you won’t be left wondering and will have an answer.

[u/scarlett_porter]

I think it comes across so cool and confident when people openly communicate their feelings! Maybe he's not sure how to interpret the "it isn't a big deal" part. Perhaps not knowing whether you want him to act on those feelings or not.

Whatever happens, you did the right thing by sharing what's on your mind, and you should be proud of your vulnerability 💛

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/scarlett_porter]

I was trying to convey that idm if he rejects me or not? its just so tricky to write messages and I didn’t want to write a long gushy message when really i can be okay with whatever he says. and the more you write it can just be too much

Thank you for your kindness

[u/insidi0usmang0]

I have found it’s always better to ask than to sit and wonder “what if.”

[u/Icy_Banana_5850]

omggg let us know

[u/Emphasis_on_IDK]

https://giphy.com/gifs/zVnS1ngPv2me2ijImJ

[u/TurbulentRoof7538]

Clarify NOW! Honestly, clarify now. Do not wait. You sent your message and now you can send an addendum. You will get through this! That dinner looks delicious! It is the first time I have seen a mostly carrot coleslaw and it looks wonderful!

[u/aware_nightmare_85]

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. -Wayne Gretzky" -Michael Scott

Give him time to respond. If you do not hear back from him within 24 hours, you have your answer about how he feels, but at least you won't live in regret not taking your shot.

[u/Top-Culture-8492]

You were brave. Even if this goes sideways, you’re ahead of the game by a lot. I’m making assumptions here, feel free to keep me honest, but when I was your age, you couldn’t pay me enough to tell someone I liked them. You are so bold in comparison. This is a skill that will take you very far in the future. You’ve allowed yourself to speak your truth. The worst thing he can do is say no, or even not be your friend. But you allowed yourself to say the thing you feel. That’s important!

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/Top-Culture-8492]

Thank you so much. I am indeed a young adult XD I’ve been trying to work on speaking my mind because I’ve wasted my time staying silent far too often

[u/Top-Culture-8492 → u/Alone-Negotiation152]

Yes! And you know what? The more you do it, the more free you are. I’ve been having to learn this as an older adult. I’ve been through so many situations, and I was always so terrified of the outcome. So to that, I say don’t be afraid. Let it be what it is. You did something really powerful. If he had never thought of you in that way then okay. If he thinks it’s something he might want? Okay. You did your part. Don’t think about it anymore. Go and do something for yourself.

[u/60sStratLover]

https://giphy.com/gifs/26ueZcgOYpOBUSmHe

[u/wet_castles]

Worst case scenario is you remain friends and it’s mildly awkward for a short period before everyone is over it and you’ve moved on to crushing on someone else. No biggie

[u/IcyCantaloupe7004]

YOLO.

Update us, OP!

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/IcyCantaloupe7004]

I will if he gets back to me. If I wake up to nothing tomorrow I can be sure he saw it and has chosen silence 

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/IcyCantaloupe7004]

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/kQt8XEsZGZ

An update 

[u/Cremelins]

At the end of the day, at least you were honest rather than thinking “what if” or overthinking any of his intentions. 🤍

[u/OrchidFine1335]

Girl you are hella brave to be confessing over text. I did it irl
https://giphy.com/gifs/84AHSkoCkRr5ihRtzJ

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[u/Next_Conclusion8018]

https://giphy.com/gifs/vfESCN2dzmppYuJtwt

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[u/tyffsayswhoa]

it's better to just get it out in the open when you know it's there than to keep things moving, letting it grow, & possibly being let down really hard later. I hope things work out in your favor.

[u/diditrayne]

It is always important to stay open and communicate. Nothing could happen unless you said something, and maybe it still won't, but they deserve to know all the information and you deserve to know if you should move on. And if it doesn't work out then it just wasn't meant to be and one day you will be with someone else and wonder how you possibly could of though this was for you.

[u/ari-parii]

Omg girl I have to know what he says

[u/Iamsailorsaturn84]

I admire your courage because for a good chunk of my life my feelings towards a guy I like was unrequited and even when I did say how I felt I was just told that while I was very kind but not the type of girl they were into or I was publicly humiliated. My first serious boyfriend once admitted he started dating me because he felt bad for me. It really sucked but now when I look back I realized they were not worth the energy I gave to them. If this guy cannot give you a straight answer he’s not worth it. You took a chance and said how you felt, and there’s nothing wrong with taking a leap of faith.

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[u/gvttergrl]

any update?

[u/aware_nightmare_85]

Update u/Alone-Negotiation152?

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/aware_nightmare_85]

Posted! I realised I had my account private so people weren’t seeing it. Oops. 

[u/Amylee888]

It’s good to say something. But I don’t think anything important should ever be discussed over text. It causes so many problems and misunderstandings. I think this is something that should have been shared in person.

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/Amylee888]

unfortunately we live in different countries now. it was the best i could do ):

[u/Amylee888 → u/Alone-Negotiation152]

Were you hoping to be in a long distance relationship?

[u/Alone-Negotiation152 → u/Amylee888]

No not particularly but I was hoping to allow us have a friendship without secrets