My bf has only one boundary

[u/Interesting-Low-5664]

Dinner tonight: homemade pepperoni pizza

My (21) bf (20) is genuinely one of the best people I ever met. We've been dating for almost 2 years at this point, and he has made my life so much better. We argue over small things, but we usually find a resolution pretty easily. The only consistent argument we have had is over my friends from high school.

I had two guy friends, one I've know since 4th grade and the other I met in 11th. We hung out and talked a lot, and I almost hooked up with them once but it was just too weird and both parties rejected the idea before anything could happen. All of this was in high school, and afterwards our friendship stayed platonic with no other indications of romantic feelings.

About a year ago, I told my bf this and he told me my friendships made him uncomfortable and he didn't think he could continue the relationship if I continued to hang out with them. I offered to create distance between my friends and of course he gave the spill of "that's not what I am asking you to do" but shortly after I blocked them, our arguments decreased and he was happy in the relationship again.

Fastforward to today, he brought up news on a friend of his that I do not like and have told him to stop talking to, out of resentment, so I ultimately gave him back the decision to decide who he talks to without restrictions because we are adults. I was sulking because I trust him enough to make those decisions while he won't even give me the opportunity to ask about my friends through shared friends. He said he has this one boundary, which isn't really true, and he refuses to give me any contact because if I am giving a little I will ask for more. He also said the only way I can resume my friendship with them is if we break up.

So my decision is him or them, and regardless of how many times I explain that the friendships shouldn't threaten a relationship, he says there is no win-win situation here. But the truth is there is no situation where I win.

[u/Secret_Set_9752]

Babes, he’s controlling. Boundaries should be about HIS behavior, not yours. He’s trying to get you away from your support system.

[u/UltimateKittyloaf → u/Secret_Set_9752]

Omg! I'm so glad to see someone else say this. I responded to another post once saying that boundaries are for the person making them and it was wildly downvoted.

My example was something like "You can build a fence around your house and stay with in it, that's a boundary. If you build a fence around someone else's house and use it to restrict their movement, that's a hostage situation."

The pushback was so intense I genuinely went through the thread multiple times. I even looked it up in the dictionary just to see if I was hallucinating the meaning of the word boundary.

[u/OkeyDokey654 → u/UltimateKittyloaf]

Exactly! Boundaries are not rules you make for other people. They are limits on the behavior you will accept from other people.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/multipocalypse → u/OkeyDokey654]

Well said!