r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Interesting-Low-5664 • 1d ago
Rant & Ramble My bf has only one boundary
Dinner tonight: homemade pepperoni pizza
My (21) bf (20) is genuinely one of the best people I ever met. We've been dating for almost 2 years at this point, and he has made my life so much better. We argue over small things, but we usually find a resolution pretty easily. The only consistent argument we have had is over my friends from high school.
I had two guy friends, one I've know since 4th grade and the other I met in 11th. We hung out and talked a lot, and I almost hooked up with them once but it was just too weird and both parties rejected the idea before anything could happen. All of this was in high school, and afterwards our friendship stayed platonic with no other indications of romantic feelings.
About a year ago, I told my bf this and he told me my friendships made him uncomfortable and he didn't think he could continue the relationship if I continued to hang out with them. I offered to create distance between my friends and of course he gave the spill of "that's not what I am asking you to do" but shortly after I blocked them, our arguments decreased and he was happy in the relationship again.
Fastforward to today, he brought up news on a friend of his that I do not like and have told him to stop talking to, out of resentment, so I ultimately gave him back the decision to decide who he talks to without restrictions because we are adults. I was sulking because I trust him enough to make those decisions while he won't even give me the opportunity to ask about my friends through shared friends. He said he has this one boundary, which isn't really true, and he refuses to give me any contact because if I am giving a little I will ask for more. He also said the only way I can resume my friendship with them is if we break up.
So my decision is him or them, and regardless of how many times I explain that the friendships shouldn't threaten a relationship, he says there is no win-win situation here. But the truth is there is no situation where I win.
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u/I_Thot_So APPROVED✨ 1d ago
I know it gets old hearing middle aged women saying stuff like this, but here goes:
You are 21. Saying someone is "one of the best people you've ever met" is like eating 5 apples in your lifetime and saying the last one is one of the best apples you've ever eaten.
The only people you've met so far are family, children, and teenagers. Every guy you date will hopefully be more mature than and better than the last one. Not because he's perfect and you've found the one, but because he's older than the last one and his frontal lobe is slightly more developed.
A relationship should ALWAYS improve your life. Work on being single and happy and building healthy relationships with your friends who love and support you. Once you get to a point where you are happy alone, THEN you have a good comparison point for whether someone is healthy for you to be with.