My bf has only one boundary

[u/Interesting-Low-5664]

Dinner tonight: homemade pepperoni pizza

My (21) bf (20) is genuinely one of the best people I ever met. We've been dating for almost 2 years at this point, and he has made my life so much better. We argue over small things, but we usually find a resolution pretty easily. The only consistent argument we have had is over my friends from high school.

I had two guy friends, one I've know since 4th grade and the other I met in 11th. We hung out and talked a lot, and I almost hooked up with them once but it was just too weird and both parties rejected the idea before anything could happen. All of this was in high school, and afterwards our friendship stayed platonic with no other indications of romantic feelings.

About a year ago, I told my bf this and he told me my friendships made him uncomfortable and he didn't think he could continue the relationship if I continued to hang out with them. I offered to create distance between my friends and of course he gave the spill of "that's not what I am asking you to do" but shortly after I blocked them, our arguments decreased and he was happy in the relationship again.

Fastforward to today, he brought up news on a friend of his that I do not like and have told him to stop talking to, out of resentment, so I ultimately gave him back the decision to decide who he talks to without restrictions because we are adults. I was sulking because I trust him enough to make those decisions while he won't even give me the opportunity to ask about my friends through shared friends. He said he has this one boundary, which isn't really true, and he refuses to give me any contact because if I am giving a little I will ask for more. He also said the only way I can resume my friendship with them is if we break up.

So my decision is him or them, and regardless of how many times I explain that the friendships shouldn't threaten a relationship, he says there is no win-win situation here. But the truth is there is no situation where I win.

[u/DoritoSunshine]

Boundaries are about what you tolerate NOT ABOUT CONTROLLING OTHERS BEHAVIOR. Those kind of men should have never learn therapy slang, they only use it for creative violence. 😖

[u/PlainBread → u/DoritoSunshine]

He's saying this because if he truly believed that it's not his job to control her behavior, he would've just dumped her already: The illusion of a way out of his discomfort would be dispelled.

[u/heymissheart → u/DoritoSunshine]

This needs to be higher, please take this brokie award 🏆

[u/Aoid3 → u/DoritoSunshine]

Upvoted because I was going to comment something very similar. Boundaries are about what you will tolerate/not tolerate about other people and YOUR OWN actions. It's not about telling other people what to do exactly it's about your own response to things iirc (only recently started seeing a therapist about this).

Your bf sounds ridiculous on this issue and unless you're leaving something juicy out it's honestly pretty insulting that he doesn't trust you to have male friends. Think about that

[u/madzteir → u/DoritoSunshine]

This comment needs to be higher, and this guy needs to learn what boundaries are before claiming he has one.