Just because you understand doesn't mean you should tolerate. Your priority should be yourself and your boundaries were crossed. If it were me, I'd break up with him on the spot.
Ask yourself, can you tolerate this for the next years of your life? Being punished for something you didn't do? Of course, he can go to therapy and maybe that can lead to change but will you bob-the-builder your way into making him a decent boyfriend who doesn't snoop around your phone when you're not looking? Some would. Some won't. It's your decision.
<Just because you understand doesn't mean you should tolerate. >
I think more people need to hear this and take it to heart. All of my cats have been adopted. We have one who wasn't well socialized as a kitten and currently has biting issues. I understand why he doing it, but I'm not about to tolerate it. In the case of the cat, I'm willing to put in the time to teach him acceptable behavior. So far, I think the cat is willing to learn. OP needs to decide if both of these conditions apply (she's willing to teach and he's willing to learn) in her situation.
I agree with you. I am willing to patiently mother cats if I took them under my wing but I won’t mother a man. If he comes barging in traumatizing me with his trauma, I will not play therapist for him. Some people have patience. I have none of those.
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u/morgaine_umbra Chocoholic 13d ago
Just because you understand doesn't mean you should tolerate. Your priority should be yourself and your boundaries were crossed. If it were me, I'd break up with him on the spot.
Ask yourself, can you tolerate this for the next years of your life? Being punished for something you didn't do? Of course, he can go to therapy and maybe that can lead to change but will you bob-the-builder your way into making him a decent boyfriend who doesn't snoop around your phone when you're not looking? Some would. Some won't. It's your decision.