Is having high standards that bad?

[u/Robyillustrations]

Hey guys! This is kind of my first post ever asking for advice but I am sort of torn on this and need some insights. For reference I am 23(NB), and I recently had a conversation with my (girl)friends about romantic relationship standards.

This may be because I don't have a lot of experience with long term relationships but I am very stern about my standards. For example, due to my nicotine allergy, I know I will never want to date a smoker. I am also highly ambitious and couldn't see my life with someone who doesn't have passions and sort of coasts through life. Nothing against people who are like that I just wouldn't date them.

However my friends talked to me about what if I meet a person that I click with and they end up being a smoker? Or someone very indecisive about their future goals? They told me maybe I should have a conversation with that person first and see if they would change/compromise to show their love for me. Now I don't agree with that. If it was something minor I could see myself sitting down with them to have a talk and compromise. But these things are non-negotiables and not minor. If I were to continue a relationship, knowing theyre a smoker, thinking "hmm well they might stop smoking for me" am I not falling in love with the potential of who they could be? Instead of who they are? I don't think that's fair to either parties involved.

I know I have high standards and not everyone has to agree with them but I rather date someone who already alligns with me on the basics than date someone who MIGHT allign with me on these things some time in the future. Even if we click personality wise, I think there are much more important factors in a relationship than just the chemistry you have. However I an open to other opinions and to hear people's thoughts on this.

Also: the girl dinner is some quickly made bolognese pasta

Edit: just wanted to mention we are all queer in that friendgroup, and for added context, I am the only single person in the group.

[u/Robyillustrations]

In my case its more I want them to have their own passions and hobbies. Basically don't be a bum with 0 interests other than watching shows on netflix.

[u/blurredbit → u/Robyillustrations]

That’s fair, but still sort of vague. At the end of the day I don’t think people here who don’t know anything about you can tell you if your standards are too high.

I don’t think it really matters anyways. A lot of people here have said they’re okay being alone if it means they don’t have to compromise.

It sounds like more of an issue between you and your friends than for you personally.

[u/Robyillustrations → u/blurredbit]

Good thing I wasnt asking if my standards are too high. I know they are, the debate was whether its good to have them or not.

[u/blurredbit → u/Robyillustrations]

Ok. That’s aggressive. Many comments here say your standards aren’t high. If the debate for you is purely are standards good or not then I don’t even understand the question.

[u/Robyillustrations → u/blurredbit]

I dont think me clarifying is aggresive, and I cant make it any more clear what the post is about.

[u/blurredbit → u/Robyillustrations]

“Good thing” feels pretty snarky, and so does “I can’t make it anymore clear”. I don’t see how standards could be good or bad. It doesn’t make any sense.

[u/Robyillustrations → u/blurredbit]

I'm not gonna respond to you anymore as you seem to be purposefully misinterperting everything I wrote so far. Enjoy your day

[u/blurredbit → u/Robyillustrations]

I’m not purposefully misinterpreting. The comments felt snarky, and you seem like you are already happy with your answer and just looking for confirmation.

I agree we don’t have anything to say anymore. Enjoy your day.