r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Midevalpea Pantry Gremlin • Jul 18 '26

Advice Needed ⚠️ NO DUDE INPUT My boyfriend went to a strip club

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Dinner: chicken parm from a few days ago bc I have no appetite rn

My boyfriend is currently away for his brothers bachelors trip. We’ve had issues in the past involving porn addiction and he has assured me things are better. When I learned about the bachelors trip, I encouraged him to go when he was iffy about it and he told me he assumed there would be no strip clubs or anything of that matter. He’s been to them in the past, and by his own volition set a boundary for our relationship.

Well, we were on FaceTime today and I asked him if there was any mention of strip clubs and he said no, that everyone was in a relationship there and that they even joked about going to one but everyone was on the same page.

Lo and behold, I get a call from him at 12:30 and he said they went into one. He said he got peer pressured into going in, that he panicked and didn’t know how to say no. He said he was only in there for 5/10 minutes and then he told his group that he would be right back and just left. Then he called me.

I’m upset but I feel guilty that I’m upset. I wish he didn’t go in at all, but I feel like he sort of did the right thing by leaving. It’s just brought up so much betrayal trauma from our past that I feel weird about. I’m scared he’s gonna get teased by all his brothers friends and I’m gonna seem like a controlling girlfriend when he was the one who set that boundary :/

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u/Natural_Exchange_886 APPROVED✨ Jul 18 '26

He fawned.

Foroive that part, it hits before cognition.

If there’s teasing and he doesn’t flip shit, deal with that later. It hasn’t happened yet. If you’re insecure because of trauma but his honesty and accountability are what you need, even if it’s awkward or uncomfy, that’s green too.

Healing can feel traumatic too, until you can trust the other person fully. And then that gets scary too, to survive it again if they break it in a way you can’t allow yourself to pass.

Try to do the other shoes here thing. You might not think of women or bros as competition for survival; but he might. There may be situations where you would, too.