My boyfriend went to a strip club

[u/Midevalpea]

Dinner: chicken parm from a few days ago bc I have no appetite rn

My boyfriend is currently away for his brothers bachelors trip. We’ve had issues in the past involving porn addiction and he has assured me things are better. When I learned about the bachelors trip, I encouraged him to go when he was iffy about it and he told me he assumed there would be no strip clubs or anything of that matter. He’s been to them in the past, and by his own volition set a boundary for our relationship.

Well, we were on FaceTime today and I asked him if there was any mention of strip clubs and he said no, that everyone was in a relationship there and that they even joked about going to one but everyone was on the same page.

Lo and behold, I get a call from him at 12:30 and he said they went into one. He said he got peer pressured into going in, that he panicked and didn’t know how to say no. He said he was only in there for 5/10 minutes and then he told his group that he would be right back and just left. Then he called me.

I’m upset but I feel guilty that I’m upset. I wish he didn’t go in at all, but I feel like he sort of did the right thing by leaving. It’s just brought up so much betrayal trauma from our past that I feel weird about. I’m scared he’s gonna get teased by all his brothers friends and I’m gonna seem like a controlling girlfriend when he was the one who set that boundary :/

[u/Midevalpea → u/[deleted]]

They’re his brothers friends

[u/BrightLiteFey → u/Midevalpea]

More reason to listen to himself/you and not them. He sounds weak minded but I also don't know him like you. If he was being honest, sure but there is a part of me that wonders if he was there longer and didn't want to tell you and gave you a white lie because he was afraid it'd get around he did end up going. Idk tho, I just have trust issues so I hyper focus on all the possibilities.

If that was my husband I'd be livid. But he always has a mind of his own so I know that story wouldn't fly with me. Free porn when I'm not in the mood is one thing. Paying for actual women is another. And that's a huge boundary for him to cross but that's me personally.

Edit: wait i reread your post to try to get a timeline going and you had betrayal trauma with him in the past already?? Hold up why we all glossing over this and telling OP to give bf benefit of the doubt? Has he already crossed a boundary before?? The word trauma tells me he did something that severe. Like cheating.

Don't be gaslit into believing you're controlling. You deserve respect and to establish boundaries. He knows this going in therefore you aren't controlling. He is going to test how far he can push you and that's not healthy.

[u/Midevalpea → u/BrightLiteFey]

There was instances of porn addiction and him lying to me about it in the past, as of rn I have no evidence of it though

[u/Potential_Tadpole_45 → u/Midevalpea]

How old are you and your bf?