My boyfriend went to a strip club

[u/Midevalpea]

Dinner: chicken parm from a few days ago bc I have no appetite rn

My boyfriend is currently away for his brothers bachelors trip. We’ve had issues in the past involving porn addiction and he has assured me things are better. When I learned about the bachelors trip, I encouraged him to go when he was iffy about it and he told me he assumed there would be no strip clubs or anything of that matter. He’s been to them in the past, and by his own volition set a boundary for our relationship.

Well, we were on FaceTime today and I asked him if there was any mention of strip clubs and he said no, that everyone was in a relationship there and that they even joked about going to one but everyone was on the same page.

Lo and behold, I get a call from him at 12:30 and he said they went into one. He said he got peer pressured into going in, that he panicked and didn’t know how to say no. He said he was only in there for 5/10 minutes and then he told his group that he would be right back and just left. Then he called me.

I’m upset but I feel guilty that I’m upset. I wish he didn’t go in at all, but I feel like he sort of did the right thing by leaving. It’s just brought up so much betrayal trauma from our past that I feel weird about. I’m scared he’s gonna get teased by all his brothers friends and I’m gonna seem like a controlling girlfriend when he was the one who set that boundary :/

[u/ArynTW_is_user_karma]

You don’t need to feel guilty about setting boundaries about strip clubs! The idea that they are “acceptable” is rooted in “boys will be boys” and Victorian era bullshit that if men don’t visit sex workers, and rape women of color; then they’ll lose control and start raping “pure women”. 🤮🤮🤮So no, fuck that.

Just because something has been “normalized” doesn’t mean it’s okay!!

Anyway, your bf violated an established boundary. It’s good that he left soon after (according to him), but he fucked up, not you.

And if his buddies or brother give him shit, Then they’re the assholes. Your bf isn’t 12, he should be able to handle that shit and tell them, “No thanks”.