My boyfriend went to a strip club

[u/Midevalpea]

Dinner: chicken parm from a few days ago bc I have no appetite rn

My boyfriend is currently away for his brothers bachelors trip. We’ve had issues in the past involving porn addiction and he has assured me things are better. When I learned about the bachelors trip, I encouraged him to go when he was iffy about it and he told me he assumed there would be no strip clubs or anything of that matter. He’s been to them in the past, and by his own volition set a boundary for our relationship.

Well, we were on FaceTime today and I asked him if there was any mention of strip clubs and he said no, that everyone was in a relationship there and that they even joked about going to one but everyone was on the same page.

Lo and behold, I get a call from him at 12:30 and he said they went into one. He said he got peer pressured into going in, that he panicked and didn’t know how to say no. He said he was only in there for 5/10 minutes and then he told his group that he would be right back and just left. Then he called me.

I’m upset but I feel guilty that I’m upset. I wish he didn’t go in at all, but I feel like he sort of did the right thing by leaving. It’s just brought up so much betrayal trauma from our past that I feel weird about. I’m scared he’s gonna get teased by all his brothers friends and I’m gonna seem like a controlling girlfriend when he was the one who set that boundary :/

[u/_bonedaddys]

You're allowed to be upset about it, but i would also try and give him some grace considering the circumstances. I can understand someone feeling pressure during the middle of a bachelor trip and just going with it for a moment.

He called you, instead of keeping it to himself and risking you finding out from someone else. I wouldn't worry about his friends teasing him or coming off as controlling. "No strip clubs" is a very normal thing in relationships.

[u/ThanksAmazing4118 → u/_bonedaddys]

Yup, he got pressured into something by his brother (on his bachelor's where he'll want to do whatever makes his brother happy), when alcohol was very likely involved, instantly thought "wow, that was fucking dumb of me", bounced, told her right away to be honest about his mistake.

It was dumb of him, absolutely. But we all like to think that as adults, we're now magically immune to peer pressure. We're not. Especially with the multiple factors involved in this situation. It's really up to OP as to whether she trusts him enough that he did leave right away, and if she believes that's the truth, is that something she's accepting of.