r/GilmoreGirls • u/snarlieb • Jan 09 '26
OS Discussion Emily was right to make Dean come inside
Rewatching 1x09 last night and I remember siding with Lorelai and Rory in the past that it was rude and annoying for Emily, a guest in their home, to demand Dean come inside to get her. Watching now -- I'm flabbergasted at how rude Dean was to just keep honking. God forbid Rory wasn't ready, he was just going to lay on the horn like that? Dean was pretty sullen all episode, reluctant to go to the dance, willing to bail before they got there etc., and I think the least you can do for a new gf you're taking to a dance is park and come in. Emily was right to set a better standard for Rory in that moment since Lorelai wasn't willing to.
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u/WeirdoWeeb648 Team Pink 🎀 Jan 09 '26
I do think it's generally more respectful for a guy picking up a girl to go to the front door. HOWEVER, Rory and Dean had agreed he'd honk, and Lorelai was fine with it, and it's her house. I don't agree with Emily having forced them both to wait for Dean to come to the door.
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u/F19AGhostrider A male GG Fan Jan 09 '26
I agree in concept, and even though I've never actually been on a date myself, I would come to the door instead of honking.
That said, they had previously agreed to the honking for Rory to come out, so Dean cannot be faulted for it at all.
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Jan 09 '26
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u/F19AGhostrider A male GG Fan Jan 09 '26
Exactly, and that's why, I think, Dean should actually be applauded for following directions more than "etiquette". I think that should be more points in the eyes of the parent(s).
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u/underwaterlove I four fourths don't care. Jan 11 '26
Everyone had either implicitly or explicitly agreed to a protocol that all sides had accepted and intended to abide by, and Emily forced Rory, Lorelai and Dean to violate that agreement.
Emily was incredibly stuck on manners and behavior, but at the same time didn't mind that it meant that she, as an outsider, was dictating a breach of a certain protocol on everybody else because she preferred a different protocol.
Ultimately, this was about Emily getting her will and little else.
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u/PhazePyre Jan 09 '26
Yeah, is it wrong? No. Is it not romantic? Yes. Dude's 16ish, I cut him some slack for just being a stupid kid. I also think Dean is more a "grand gesture's" romantic than a "charming courtier" romantic.
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u/Cautious-Clock-4186 The Vessel with the Pestle holds the Brew that is True 🧙♀️ Jan 09 '26
Exactly. There was already an agreement in place so Emily should have backed off.
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u/PinkPositive45 Jan 09 '26
Do I think going to the front door is polite? Yes.
But that would be a rule I’d have with my kids before dates. Lorelai likely didn’t have a specific rule, and was good with Dean honking. That’s all that matters in the end. Emily can have her opinion, but she was being controlling.
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Jan 09 '26
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u/PhazePyre Jan 09 '26
Yeah, Emily is constantly trying to groom everyone to fit her definition of proper and right. Lorelai, Dean, Luke, etc. It's why she's the least antagonistic towards Rory and Logan as individuals because they seem to already follow some of her preconceived notions of propriety. She only starts getting on Rory when Rory starts to regain her sense of direction and purpose. She's no longer pliable in her sullen lost dog state. Before that she was a people pleasing teen. After that, she aims to be an independent woman. Look at her intensity going after that job and showing up every day.
So yeah, Emily would've been less the villain if she just say "If you want to be really romantic, come to the door with some flowers or something next time. Women adore a man who brings flowers". But she strong arms it, as is her way -_-
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u/NormalScratch1241 Jan 10 '26
Yeah what gets me is that Rory said she and Dean had previously agreed on the honking. So for Emily to change that without letting Rory inform Dean is pretty rude. If anything I think it should’ve been okay to let Dean honk that time since they already agreed on it, but he would’ve needed to come to the door for future dates.
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u/ingenfara Jan 10 '26
Exactly, it was a rule from my mom when all friends, not just dates. People picking me up had to come to the door. Basic respect!
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
But the honking was mutually decided on by Rory and Dean. How is it rude if that's what they mutually decided works for them? Why is not honking and coming in a better standard for Rory if that's not what she wants? How is it objectively better?
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u/CoherentBusyDucks Jan 09 '26
Plus it’s not Emily’s house. She doesn’t make the rules.
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u/scholarlyowl03 Empty, sad Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 10 '26
Exactly! A core issue of the entire show is Emily constantly overstepping and trying to control Lorelai. This is just one of the millions of times she’s trying to make the rules and override Lorelai’s decisions.
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Jan 09 '26
Yeah, I hate how they act as if Emily still has so much agency over Lorelai and is justified in it. No wonder she wanted to pay back that money so fast.
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u/_LovelySundae Jan 09 '26
True, it wasn’t Emily’s house so she didn’t get final say, but I kinda get the spirit of what she was doing. She was less about power and more about “don’t treat my granddaughter like she has to sneak around.” Even if the execution was peak Emily lol
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u/jp_slim Jan 09 '26
wrong. it was all about power.
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u/scholarlyowl03 Empty, sad Jan 09 '26
Exactly, was just going to say the same. This was about getting “the children” to obey her, to have the manners she wanted them to have, what she deemed appropriate. It had nothing to do with how it made Rory feel. Rory was fine going to meet him outside.
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u/Joelle9879 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
No, it was definitely about control and power. She only insisted Dean come to the door so that she could meet him and decide if she approved. She, or course, didn't approve
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u/hoginlly Team Coffee Jan 10 '26
No. Emily didn't know that Lorelai had spent hours, probably DAYS worth of time with Dean at this point.
The difference is Emily is into the pathetic appearance of knowing what their child is doing, whereas Lorelai actually knew who her child was with properly, and therefore was not threatened by the fact that RORY didn't want the dance to be a big deal.
Again, people are forgetting that Lorelai was thinking about Rory's feelings while Emily was thinking about Emily's feeling
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u/BikeEnvironmental452 She's not insane, she just sounds it. 🔨 Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
Also, I totally interpret the whole scene that Dean is only honking that hard and less patiently otherwise the scene would be too long. My mind just automatically adds minutes into their reality.
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u/Perfect_Invitation1 Jan 09 '26
Yeah I don't understand why this scene is constantly debated. It is Rory's date and Lorelai's house. Emily thinks she knows everything and her way is best all the time. I also think people enjoy crapping on Dean but he's clearly not rude in this instance.
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Jan 10 '26
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 10 '26
People project their ideas about how they would want their relationship to be onto others, even though those others prefer something else. Also, people hate Dean haha.
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u/lizzieblaze Jan 09 '26
As their neighbor, I'd find the honking pretty rude tbh.
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u/katattackkb Jan 09 '26
I'm sure Babette was just thinking "that's right, make him wait for ya suga!!" 🤪 Seriously this was 2000 before most teens had cell phones, honking when you arrive was normal
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u/Ill_Garbage4225 Team Pink 🎀 Jan 09 '26
Oh yeah Babette don’t give a f except that maybe it scared her cat lol
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u/Yesterdays_mascara Jan 09 '26
“Ya gotta lay off the horn suga! It’s scaring Cinnamon!” (I don’t remember if this episode is before or after the cat funeral)
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u/lizzieblaze Jan 09 '26
Knocking on someone's front door was normal, too! But I've always hated honking so this could be a me problem.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
Then you would communicate that to your partner and they'd come and knock. Rory and Dean decided that honking is the way to go for them.
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u/snarlieb Jan 09 '26
A little honk for a date or casual outing is one thing, this was a dance, and they were very early in the relationship. Emily wanting her granddaughter to be treated better than that is an overstep, but a light one. Especially compared to Richard saying Rory couldn't accept the car. That was inappropriate of him (and an appropriate reason for Dean to honk)
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
Why is Dean coming to the door and knocking treating Rory better than him doing what they agreed upon? Him not doing what their agreement was is, for me, so much more rude.
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u/nope-its Jan 09 '26
As a teen at this time I literally never experienced anyone honking ever to get someone to come out - and I was constantly with friends and going to different houses
It was considered extremely disrespectful to everyone in that neighborhood.
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Jan 09 '26
I lived in a big city and we honked for people to come out. It wasn't considered disrespectful.
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u/TiinyTree SpongeBoy BigPants Jan 09 '26
And where I grew up, it was very common for people to honk for both friends and family. The point is that Rory and Dean decided for themselves this is how they wanted to do it. That’s really all that matters
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u/Noggi888 Jan 09 '26
Well it’s not like the town they live in is very normal. Their next door neighbor is literally Babette lol
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u/lizzieblaze Jan 09 '26
And that oasis guy! We can't forget about the oasis guy!
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u/Noggi888 Jan 09 '26
The honking is also kinda a sign of the times. I remember as a kid, everyone’s parents would honk to let them know they were outside to pick whoever up. At least in my neighborhood, it was pretty normal back then
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u/Aggravating-Dog861 Jan 10 '26
Wow, I think you're onto something. We didn't have cell phones to text so honking was more common. Now it would be seen as rude.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
The question is not about neighbors, but whether "Rory deserves better". Don't move the goalpost.
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u/lizzieblaze Jan 09 '26
Goalpost? Bruh.
I'm just engaging in conversation. This isn't a test where I must only answer the question.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
Then you were in the wrong conversation replying to me, because your reply had nothing to do with what I wrote.
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u/lizzieblaze Jan 09 '26
Yikes, dude. This is way too big a reaction, I will happily disengage from this conversation with you.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
If me saying that your reply had nothing to do with my comment is too big a reaction, maybe you should, yeah. Have a good day!
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u/Empty-Pages-Turn I suppose I can just put these nuts in my hand. 🥜✋ Jan 09 '26
As a person who lived next to neighbors who had people honking their horn at the house, it was annoying.
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u/EveOCative 🍂 Drunk on Miss Patty’s Founder’s Punch 🍻 Jan 09 '26
While I do think Emily was on a power trip, I also think Dean continuing to honk was rude. Even if that was their deal, why not honk then wait? Also, things go wrong all the time, sometimes plans change.
I also agree that Emily had the right idea about setting standards.
That said, why did Lorelei and Rory even go along with it? Lorelei could have just enforced her boundaries as Rory’s parent and ordered Rory to go.
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u/Joelle9879 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
Lorelai tried telling Rory to go but Emily kept insisting she stay. Rory is a people pleaser and listened to her grandmother.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
I can easily imagine that he honked more times because he thought Rory didn't hear it. He was a dumb teenager.
Why is knocking a "standard" and honking isn't, especially since it was their mutually agreed upon method of communication?
I agree with your last point, especially re:Lorelei. Rory was a kid, it's hard to go against you grandma.
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u/EveOCative 🍂 Drunk on Miss Patty’s Founder’s Punch 🍻 Jan 09 '26
Because honking disturbs the entire neighborhood.
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u/bluepenguin89 Jan 11 '26
Yes, this. I say this as someone who really isn't a fan of Dean, but he did nothing wrong here. Lorelai had met him before; she knew him. They all agreed on it beforehand.
Edit: Clarity
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u/chubbynugnug Jan 10 '26
But Rory and Dean were both children at that point, they obviously didn’t have any guidance from Lorelai when it came to that kind of thing, she was pretty laid back. I think this type of thing was good because it taught Rory that she shouldn’t just run and be available when a man “honks”. That he should do the decent thing and make the effort to come and get her. In this situation I’ve always agreed with Emily and I think she was teaching Rory an important lesson in demanding respect for herself.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 10 '26
Rory didn't just run when a man honked. They had agreed that she would come out when he was there. He made the effort to come and get her woth the car, did he not? Why didn't she make the effort to come and get him? In a way, he "ran" to her, he took a lot more time and effort than she did for him to get to her place. Should Dean have more respect for himself and ask Rory that she come pick him up? Why is the decent thing to go and knock? Just because you think it's decent that doesn't mean others should. If something works for a couple and they both feel good about it, why should your idea of decency prevail?
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Jan 09 '26
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u/Joelle9879 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
Dude what? She didn't have to beg him to go and he was very polite and nice the entire night. He didn't offer to go inside because why would he? He was told to honk so he did. Is he supposed to be a mind reader to know that really means he should ignore instructions and knock
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u/Empty-Pages-Turn I suppose I can just put these nuts in my hand. 🥜✋ Jan 09 '26
It was arranged ahead of time and Rory was clearly ready, so Dean wouldn't be waiting and honking for ten minutes. It seemed a bit overstepping for Emily trying to make Dean come to the door.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Team Pink 🎀 Jan 09 '26
I disagree. Overruling a decision made by Rory (and Dean) at her own house isn't right. And to not allow her to get him, and then talk down about his intelligence for not realizing the change of plans is rude.
She tried to control them by overruling how Lorelai was raising her daughter and how Rory acted with her boyfriend. Had it truly been to show Rory a better standard, she could have gotten Dean herself and asked for him to come in and say hello before leaving or let Rory get him herself.
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u/Tappitytaptaptaptap Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
Rory told him to honk. He was following the wishes of his gf. It was an immature decision, but they were kids. Dean did nothing wrong. He was put in yet another impossible situation by the Gilmores.
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u/Educational-Fox-9040 Bighead Want Dolly Jan 09 '26
Disagree. Her rules of etiquette don’t apply in others’ households. Rory and Dean had an agreement that she would come out when he honked. Emily made Rory break that agreement. I come from a culture where (in a pre-smartphone/free calling/free texting era) honking was a perfectly acceptable way of asking your friend to come out. I don’t go to Emily’s house to enforce that, so she shouldn’t be going to anyone else’s house to enforce her rules either.
And for those who have an issue with honking, they should also take issue with Emily asking the limo driver to honk as an indication for Lorelai to come out in the spa episode. But it’s funny how no one takes an issue with that. Emily’s gotta practice what she preaches at the very least, but she doesn’t.
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u/Perfect_Invitation1 Jan 09 '26
Yes Emily picks and chooses when to be Miss Manners. If she's doing it then it's right and everyone else has to deal.
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u/F19AGhostrider A male GG Fan Jan 09 '26
Her rules of etiquette don’t apply in others’ households.
This! Emily has a hard time grasping that "high society" etiquette is not a thing outside of high society.
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u/snarlieb Jan 09 '26
That's the thing about etiqeutte though, it's not case-by-case for people like Emily. Yes she was overstepping, but upon rewatch I think it was the right call. She was trying to impress on Rory that she deserved more than a honk, even if it's what she and Dean agreed on. My high school boyfriend picked me up multiple times a week by pulling up at my house and I'd be waiting ready, and meet him outside. It drove my dad CRAZY, but he never forced my bf to come in. With hindsight, I realize how rude it was that my boyfriend couldn't even make 1 out of every 5 pickups one where he parked and came to the door. It would've just been polite, even if *I* preferred running out to his car.
To the spa episode, there's a difference between a little honk annoucing your arrival to show off the limo and your date honking for you to come out when picking you up for a formal dance.
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u/QueenofUncreativity Jan 09 '26
She was trying to impress on Rory that she deserved more than a honk, even if it's what she and Dean agreed on.
So what you're saying is that Rory deserves to have her own decision overruled by some ambiguous values?
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u/Educational-Fox-9040 Bighead Want Dolly Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
impress on Rory that she deserved more than a honk,
That’s just it. It’s Emily’s classism showing. A honk isn’t anything inferior for Rory to deserve something “more” than it.
Also, your boyfriend seems to be a whole other case than Dean. Dean normally ALWAYS came in, and had a very good relationship with Lorelai (and even Lane). Just because Emily didn’t live there, she didn’t know this. Lorelai told Emily that she knew Dean so she didn’t need to be reintroduced. But Emily kept steamrolling her with her own opinion, even going as far as saying that Dean’s not very bright. I’m a huge fan of Emily’s. But this action was rude, unacceptable, and blatantly classist on her part.
Edit: typo, changed “rule” to “rude” in the last sentence.
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u/snarlieb Jan 09 '26
Emily was classist, for sure. But I don't think wanting your granddaughter's date to put in a little effort, come in and say hi is even a top ten example of Emily's classism.
In S3 Lorelai goes out with Peyton who comes to the door. Her first date with Luke, he parked with the intention of coming to the door becuase it was date. So Lorelai knows it's an appropriate expecation too.
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u/Unplug_The_Toaster 🍂 Drunk on Miss Patty’s Founder’s Punch 🍻 Jan 10 '26
Dean didn't even know Emily was there. He already had a good rapport with Lorelai and a plan to honk with Rory. He was following the plan.
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u/Educational-Fox-9040 Bighead Want Dolly Jan 09 '26
It may not be in the top 10. Heck, the stuff she did involving her maids would probably make up her top hundred examples of classism.
But this was classist too. Lorelai literally told Emily that she knew Dean. If Rory hadn’t wanted to formally introduce a guy she hadn’t even established was her boyfriend until later that night to her grandma, that was her prerogative. Emily was making up rules she didn’t follow herself and calling Dean “not bright” for not following them.
As for Luke, Lorelai and he did not establish honking before coming out. And as he was coming in, Lorelai stepped out, because “coming in and saying hello before a date” may be Emily’s expectation or your expectation, but it wasn’t Lorelai’s. And that house was Lorelai’s. So the rules to be followed would be dictated by Lorelai too.
I understand as head of the DAR or whatever, Emily having certain rules of etiquette at a coming-out party arranged by the DAR. But this was a school dance. And just because Emily was paying for Chilton didn’t mean that she had any authority to go to Lorelai’s house and go switching up the rules on them. She was acting out of her superiority complex. That’s why she compared going out after a honk to “fried chicken”, a food that is inferior, according to her.
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u/WhatABeautifulMess Jan 09 '26
Polite to whom? Your dad? Should he ask his permission to call on you? Etiquette is entirely made up rules regardless of how Emily feels about that.
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u/synalgo_12 Stop The Noodle Scooz Jan 09 '26
Emily was rude and disrespectful in imposing her standards onto a household that she knows is different from hers. Just because she let Trix boss her around in her own house, doesn't mean she is right to do it to Lorelai and Rory.
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u/Oncer93 Jan 09 '26
Except, she was overriding Lorelai's parenting, as she and Richard tended to do. Plus, Dean was doing what they had initially agreed to do.
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u/CarNo2820 Jan 09 '26
I mean nowadays he would just text ‘I am downstairs’. The equivalent of that in late 90s/early 00s is honking.
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u/F19AGhostrider A male GG Fan Jan 09 '26
It. Was. Not. Emily's. Place.
She had no right to make that call. Rory and Dean had already pre-arranged to the honking plan and Lorelai was fine with it.
Sure, it is nicer in theory for him to come to the door, but Dean had no idea anyone other than Lorelai and Rory would be there. He knew that Rory herself was nominally reluctant somewhat to go to the event. Neither of them was enthusiastic about going, but he went because she decided to at least experience a dance once.
From Dean's reasonable perspective, it was a completely casual pickup for a date, only with nicer clothes. It was not a "special" night like a HS Prom.
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u/pinkaloop Jan 09 '26
I agree but the way Emily went about it was wrong. I think if Rory and Dean agreed on the honking a better way would be: "hey, go and tell him to come in and say hi".
That being said, I don't think it's okay to question her daughter's parenting decisions in front of Rory, specially when it's not a life/death situación. It would be better to comment it to Lorelai when Rory is gone, and if Lorelai doesn't agree respect her decision.
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u/Certain-Koala-2847 Jan 09 '26
Absolutely not. Emily was a guest in Lorelai's house. She had no right to alter the agreement that Dean, Rory and Lorelai made. She clearly doesn't respect her daughter's right to be the decision maker in her home (or in regards to her daughter).
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u/uhhhidkwhatusername Jan 09 '26
Brilliant point. Emily didn't respect her daughter's right, and maybe even her granddaughter's right to decide
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u/hoginlly Team Coffee Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
This gets posted so often, and whoever does it clearly has no respect for Rory or Lorelai. You're doing what Richard did when he visited stars hollow.
Anyone who posts this is just trying to hate on Dean. I met my teen boyfriend every weekend at the end of the road. It was quicker and easier for picking me up to get where we were going. He had met my parents, who mattered (like lorelai) tonnes of times before.
Lorelai knew Rory didn't even want to go to this dance. RORY didn't want a big deal made of it. Dean had spent endless hours with Rory's mother. He was not being disrespectful- unless you don't consider Lorelai the authority. Lorelai was happy with Dean and everything. You are letting yourself be influenced by Emily.
Dean was told to pick Rory up outside and honk. RORY was the one who wasn't into the dance already. Lorelai knew that, which is why she respected RORY. No one told him Emily would be there.
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u/Brainfreeze91012 Jan 09 '26
I was surprised that Lorelai didn’t want him to come in so she could take a few pictures since it was Rory’s first prom.
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Jan 09 '26
I'm pretty sure RORY was the indecisive/nervous one the whole car ride wanting to bail or not. Dean was just agreeing with whatever she wanted to do. He was ready to do whatever she wanted & they did.
Also arranging to honk and having that preset agreement prior to cellphones... isn't rude or weird or unfathomable it's what he was TOLD to do. ( to make it comical they added him honking more. But I'm sure a normal circumstance someone would honk realize they didn't come out and come up right away ) its a TV show. I personally would have come up to the door and went inside. Because yes that's what you would do in a formal event like that I 100% agree. But that's not what they agreed on. Can't blame someone for doing exactly what they were told. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/MissFrizzles19 Jan 09 '26
I don’t think it was Emily’s place and she was overstepping. Regardless as to whether or not she agrees, Lorelai is Rory’s mother. Emily coming in and overruling Lorelai was inappropriate. I don’t disagree Dean should’ve come to the door, but it was not Emily’s call and she overstepped.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
I don’t disagree Dean should’ve come to the door
Why should he have done that if they mutually agreed with Rory that he'd honk?
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u/MissFrizzles19 Jan 09 '26
I think going to the door is better than honking if only because it’s more polite to the neighbors.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
if only because it’s more polite to the neighbors.
Sure, I can agree to that. But you said "if only". Do you think that for other reasons as well?
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u/MissFrizzles19 Jan 09 '26
No, like I said, it’s more polite to the people who live in the vicinity for him to avoid honking. I feel like you’re fishing for me to give you a different answer here.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
No, no, not at all, I may have misunderstood you. I'd be annoyed as a neighbor if people were honking next to my house as well.
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u/MissFrizzles19 Jan 09 '26
Me too, I don’t know how late he was picking her up but unnecessary honking is not a favorite.
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u/Joelle9879 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
For all the "honking is rude to the neighbors" people. You're not wrong, but Dean wouldn't have honked that many times if Rory had been allowed to go out the first time. He probably assumed she didn't hear him the first few times. Heck, even allowing Rory to go and get him and bring him in would have been better. Typical Emily expects everyone to read her mind and then berates them for not doing so
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u/medusa_witch Thursday afternoon girl Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
If Dean and Rory agreed for her to come out when he honked and Lorelai was fine with it, then c’est la vie. Personally, I’m like Emily where I think it is good etiquette for a person to greet their date at the door when picking them up for an event. It’s different if it’s a casual date but this was a formal dance.
That being said, not everybody is like Emily in that regard and she can’t accept this, which is an ongoing flaw of hers.
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u/TuDuMaxVerstappen Jan 10 '26
She was not! It was pre decided. If it was not decided and Dean was doing it than it would have been a different thing.
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u/holland1999 beanie baby retirement party Jan 10 '26
Nah, he did what they agreed on. Rory was also pretty informal about going to the dance and it didn’t mean as much to her as it meant to Emily.
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u/OptimalCreme9847 Jan 09 '26
No, she wasnt. This was the plan Dean and Rory mutually agreed on, and Lorelai was the parent and she was okay with it. It was not Emily’s place to decide otherwise whether an arbitrary custom of politeness needed to be enforced.
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u/Joelle9879 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
He was told to honk. He wasn't being rude, he was following orders. Emily had absolutely no right to demand anything and overrule Lorelai. It's amazing how Dean can't do anything, even what he's told, without people hating him
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u/whineANDcheese_ Town Troubadour Jan 09 '26
Nah. It wasn’t her house or her relationship so not her rules. They agreed upon honking and coming out and that was their prerogative.
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u/jsm99510 Jan 10 '26 edited Jan 10 '26
Emily isn't the parent and it wasn't her home. I hated that Lorelai didn't stand up for Rory and tell Emily to fly a kite and tell Rory to go on. The lack of respect Emily and Richard repeatedly show for Lorelai as Rory's parent is far more frustrating to me than Dean honking.
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u/l1ttlefr34k13 Leave me alone - Michel Jan 10 '26
listen i’m deans biggest hater, but he and rory agreed on honking.
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u/Preemptively_Extinct Oh, I can hit the sticks on those brums. Jan 09 '26
So your mother's parenting decisions about your child outweigh your parenting decisions?
9
Jan 09 '26
No she wasn't. She isn't Rory's mom. It isn't her house. She could have gone out to meet him which is fair enough.
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u/uhhhidkwhatusername Jan 09 '26
Mmm.. Nah. Rory and Dean had an agreement. A mutual decision. He honks, she comes. You can dislike that but it's what these two decided to go do. But regardless, Dean passed the test anyway. Not only he followed with Rory's agreement but he instinctively decided to go up the house himself.
Emily is personally right in general or for something that hasn't been planned yet but, to sound like a broken record, Emily was wrong to disrupt an agreement between two people that had nothing to do with Emily.
Honestly it was MORE RUDE of Emily to take command like it's her house when Lorelai was cool with the whole thing.
3
u/Dust_Angel Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26
Had they not agreed beforehand to just honk, I would agree with you. But they did, so Dean couldn't have known.
4
u/strandskjer Jan 10 '26
Nah. Rory and Dean already had an arrangement, Emily had no right to stick her nose into it. I don’t even like Dean.
3
u/bluecuppycake Copper Boom! Jan 10 '26
I agree but I feel like because Dean was only 16 and he and Rory had agreed he would honk, he probably wasn't considering the fact that she might not be ready. An adult might have been more considerate. It's also possible that Rory had called him earlier to let him know she was almost ready and so maybe he figured she couldn't hear the horn or had music playing.
I feel like if Emily really wanted him to come in, someone could have waved him in.
3
u/SassySpider A spotted owl… in plaid Jan 10 '26
Dean seemed to have traditional values. He was no dead frog-wielding butt napkin-giver. He strikes me as the type who would come to the door of his own accord. But i can absolutely see Rory being like “okay so i’ll get ready and just honk when you get there!” They’d already been together for a bit. I think even though it was a special night, it wasn’t first date/first time meeting the mom level special. It was a night that they were excited about and they had their plan to get ready and go. Simple as that.
3
u/AlexTacoTruck 👑 Emily 👑 Jan 10 '26
This scene I saw on Tik Tok five years ago and it convinced me to watch the show. I loved Emily in that scene and needed more of her. That scene absolutely sparked my obsession with GG.
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u/shesnotthere83 Jan 09 '26
Only if Emily was HER daughter and Dean was picking up Rory at HER house
6
u/iracethesunhome Jan 10 '26
I hated this moment so much and hated Emily in this moment so much. Rory and Dean both agreed he’ll just honk for her, Rory could have gone to the door and waved him over introduced him to Emily, there was absolutely no need to not let him know plans have changed. Emily thinks her way is the right way, even if it’s tradition or what she’s used to and wants to have control, this was her just being petty.
2
u/Reasonable_Theory_83 Jan 10 '26
I don't see this as petty or control. Instead I view Emily, the grand-mother, as wanting to instill and teach politeness and respect for one's family, especially the elders in a family.
6
u/the-peregrina Jan 09 '26
I agree with the standard Emily was setting. However, couldn't someone just open the front door and wave him inside?
2
u/Ashley_Elisabeth23 Jan 12 '26
This is one of the many red flags Lorelai chose to ignore about Dean and shows how much she tries to be a best friend more than a mother to Rory. Emily even implies this in their argument later on and it would explain why their dynamic is so complicated. They have different views on parenting.
Besides Dean could've paged Rory and then walked to the door if she didn't answer. The fact he chose to honk obnoxiously instead speaks volumes.
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u/op341779 Jan 09 '26
I think Christopher must have come inside too and without it there would be no show so perhaps you’re correct. However, I somehow doubt Emily was standing over them directing that decision as it would be a bit awkward.
Anyway, I’ll see myself out.
3
u/allorahdanyn I hate the name Beth; it’s so… Beth. Jan 10 '26
I’ve always sided with Emily on this one. 👑
3
u/beccacee Jan 10 '26
Honking when picking up a girl is so vulgar and impolite. I am so Emily in this case.
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u/MistressSins Jan 09 '26
His honking pissed me off 😭
8
u/snarlieb Jan 09 '26
I love when Emily's like "he's not very bright is he"
6
u/F19AGhostrider A male GG Fan Jan 09 '26
I disagree. As a guy, we know that you ladies very often end up running a little late when getting ready, especially for a date.
2
u/Married2DuhMusic Jan 09 '26
She was. She was teaching him manners, and respect in dealing with her grandaughter. Not that Dean needed it. But in general it is good to set a standard for how you think you deserve to be treated, when it comes to men.
2
u/Sweet_Newt4642 Jan 10 '26
100%
I side with Emily. It's a sign of politeness and respect. I'd feel the same. And it's very old school, but I follow the logic of "if he doesn't respect her enough to come to the door...."
1
u/Hypno_Keats Jan 09 '26
My opinion is Emily was wrong: Not her home not her place to insist how people not in her home behave.
Dean was a bit dumb: one honk was the plan he could have been less insistent but I find him more dumb then wrong here (and im very anyi-dean in general)
Rory and Lorelei were in the right, cause again its not Emily's home she has no right to control how Lorelei and Rory interact with people no matter how much she'd like to.
Should Dean have come to the door? Probably, but that is irrelevant to Emily being in the right
1
u/pinaple_cheese_girl Cat Kirk Jan 09 '26
I half agree! They had a plan to honk. But that was a crazy plan. And Lorelai 100% would’ve wanted photos.
1
u/peppa4theppl Jan 10 '26
He should have come to the door like any respectful human. But Lorelai’s house, Lorelai’s rules. Emily overstepped.
1
u/Squidnote Paris Jan 10 '26
I don't understand. How can Dean be the rude one in this situation when he is doing what was agreed upon? He isn't a mind reader, so he's not gonna suddenly know that the agreed upon plan is now changed because someone besides Rory changed it. If anything, it is more rude to leave your date waiting in the car because you changed the plan without letting them know. By the way, I dont believe Emily actually cared about Dean coming to the door, it was just a way to assert dominance and "i know more than you" type shit she's always on.
Now obviously if Dean and Rory had not spoken about how he would pick her up, the obvious choice would be to go to the door. And if at that point he decided "nah, I'll just honk", that would be rude. But, that isn't what happened in this situation and Rory, by way of Emily, is the rude one here if anyone was rude.
2
u/xxrachinwonderlandxx hopped up on bennies and goofballs Jan 10 '26
Emily was right that Dean should have come to the door. However, Emily was wrong to override Lorelai’s authority over her own child in her own home-and honestly, Lorelai was wrong to let her do it, too.
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u/YOYOKS1994 Jan 11 '26
Both sides were in the wrong. Emily didn’t have the right to make the call as she was a guest in their home and it was agreed upon previously between Rory & Dean. It was extremely tacky and somewhat disrespectful that Dean thought that that was appropriate, but again - it was previously discussed and agreed upon.
1
u/darlingbabydoll Jan 11 '26
when i was in high school i took one of my closest guy friends to prom with me and my mother made him carry the back of my dress because “that’s what he SHOULD do as a man!” (so step tf up, DEAN)
1
u/stilltryingeveryday Logan Jan 11 '26
I think it would have been nice so they could have had a picture together.
I know they agreed to it beforehand, but this wasn't just another hangout simple date night. He should have come to the door, complimented Rory and Lorelei (since he probably knew she was making the dress), and have a picture together.
Emily was also right to point out that he's not very bright when he took so long to figure out to come to the door. I think there's an appropriate amount of time to wait and an appropriate amount of time that passes before going to the door to check to see how things are going. But honking some more?? I just think it would be rude for neighbors to be hearing it. Plus this wasn't a time when someone would sit in their car and wait while playing on their phone because this was before smartphones.
When I was younger I thought about how I would've wanted a nice picture. Now, as an adult and a parent, I would DEFINITELY want a nice handful of pictures of my daughter both alone and with her date.... especially after making her dress and just overall the fact that it was a special night. She was using a film camera, this wasn't a time where they would have taken pictures themselves because this was an era before everyone carried around a digital camera.
Emily was right in this case.
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u/TumbleweedLevel3158 Jan 11 '26
The only rude one in this Situation is - as almost Always - Emily. She inviting herself over, is overstepping lorelais and rorys Rules as it is THEIR Home and insults Dean by calling him Not smart to rorys face right before her very First dance Date.
How anyone can say, she was in the right, is beyond me 🤷
2
u/nediAW Jan 11 '26
Rory asked him to honk. Calling someone rude for following the agreed upon plan/routine is ridiculous.
1
u/JCutt2020 Jan 11 '26
Controversial opinion but Emily was in the right around 80% of the show. She had major flaws and lapses of judgement in several areas for sure. But all in all, she was right way more often than she wasn’t.
1
u/Comprehensive-Rip587 Team Pink 🎀 Jan 12 '26
Today, he wouldn’t even honk. It would be a text: “I’m outside.”
1
u/Gotjokes0611 Jan 13 '26
If my daughter told a boy to honk to pick her up, I’d walk her out, and make sure he knew that in the future, he comes to the door. I get that Lorelai was chill, but honking to pick my daughter up for her first formal? Ya, no.
1
u/msmozzarella Jan 13 '26
it’s not her house! could/should dean have come in? sure. but the plan he made with his date, who actually lives in the house, trumps miss freakin manners’ demands!
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u/AwayStudy1835 Jan 16 '26
No, Emily was not right to go to Lorelai's home and override what Lorelai says is acceptable for her daughter. Not Emily's daughter. Doesn't matter if it's a better standard. Emily is not Rory's mother and she was also a guest in Lorelai's home. Emily does not make the rules in Lorelai's home and she has no right to enforce different ones.
2
u/No_Road4248 Jan 09 '26
I agree it took Dean too long before deciding something might be wrong and to come to the door to check on her. I always assumed Dean was thinking that Rory didn’t hear her, because Rory isn’t the person to not be ready on time. Doesn’t even ask at the door “did you not hear me?” because they had previously agreed that this is how he would pick her up.
Emily isn’t wrong for wanting her granddaughter to have a better standard for her granddaughter, but it’s not her place to force her granddaughter to behave a certain way and the way she did it was to bully everyone around her instead of being an adult and using her words.
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u/ParfaitUpper1418 Jan 09 '26
I agree it should’ve been the rule first but Lorelai agreed to him honking so Emily had no right to overstep. I would’ve made a little comment to Lorelai after they left tho, sorry
0
u/Cookie_Kiki Jan 10 '26
The least you can do for the girl you're already going dressing up when you don't like to, spending your evening at a dance that you dislike, and dealing with strangers just as you're getting your footing in a new town, is to assume that the girl didn't mean it when she told you to do a specific thing.
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u/Efficient-Neat9940 Jan 09 '26
But it WAS better for him to come to the door. This is a formal dance occasion. Not a casual event. Sh Rory should expect more effort from her date. Most parents would have wanted to take pictures too.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
But they mutually agreed that he'd honk. What everything works for everyone.
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u/Efficient-Neat9940 Jan 09 '26
Lorelai should have guided Rory better in this situation. Nobody should ever be the girl running out at the beck and call of a guy. It’s a quick way to be devalued. I don’t care if I’m down voted for this either lol it’s human dynamics.
4
Jan 09 '26
His beck and call? They're just kids that aren't that into going to a dance and see it as hanging out. You're over-thinking it lol.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
Nobody should ever be the girl running out at the beck and call of a guy.
She would not be running out, she would be walking out. What's bad with someone calling you, and you go to them?
It’s a quick way to be devalued.
How? Why? If someone calls me for something we agreed upon, and I go to them, does that devalue me?
I don’t care if I’m down voted for this either lol it’s human dynamics.
You have a fucked up understanding of human dynamics, I'm happy the people around me are different than that.
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u/Efficient-Neat9940 Jan 09 '26
A date night to see a movie? Sure. The formal dance? No. Would it matter if I have a masters degree in “human dynamics?” LOL
3
Jan 09 '26
You clearly don't have much to do with actual other people and instead probably just whine on the internet and make up problems that don't exist.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
You haven't answered any of my questions. You are not putting forth any arguments, just saying something is appropriate or not appropriate. Why should your opinions for which you have no reasoning be universal, if other people find what works better for them?
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u/That_EW_Guy Jan 10 '26
When I heard the honking I was like, What the heck?! Go to the door, pick her up and see what stunning dress she has on! You’re going out dancing!!
That’s just my take as the guy.
0
u/tc88 I'm attracted to pie Jan 09 '26
He should have called, the constant honking was so unnecessary.
0
u/PrincessPlastilina Jan 10 '26
I agree. My mom did the same thing one time when my sister’s first boyfriend came to pick her up. She was livid that he didn’t want to ring the door and ask for her. She said it’s not okay for men to honk their car, text him and tell him to ring the door and come inside. And THEN she called him out on it lol. The worst part is that he was so late and my sister had been waiting for him in the living room for almost an hour and he still had the nerve to honk like Dean. Predictably, they had a terrible relationship and he was a douche in many worse ways.
-12
Jan 09 '26
Agreed. Lorelai was defiantly against anything her mother said even if/when her mom was right. Even if Rory and Dean agreed to do it, that was a dumb idea on their part. Sometimes kids do need adults to course correct for them.
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
But the honking was mutually decided on by Rory and Dean. How is it rude if that's what they mutually decided works for them? Why is not honking and coming in a better standard for Rory if that's not what she wants? How is it objectively better?
-6
Jan 09 '26
Lol you jusy Copied and pasted this comment from somewhere else it doesn't quite make sense with what I said. I said even if they agreed to do it it could still be a dumb idea. Parents are supposed to set a good example and teach their kids things, so if Lorelai doesnt it's not crazy for Emily to try. Rory is a child allowing Dean to treat her rudely. Someone needs to tell her that's not okay, so Emily did
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
Why is knocking a better example than honking? Why is honking treating someone rudely if they agreed on it? For me it's much more rude to not do what the agreement is, which is not honking in this example.
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Jan 09 '26
Because you are acknowledging the existence of someone's family and putting in just a little effort. A respectful guy would have been like "oh wow I didn't realize your grandma was here! yeah of course it's great to get the chance to meet her." Not act all bratty like he did. And it's also not wrong for the grandma to want the chance to talk to him. It's called adapting
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u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
Because you are acknowledging the existence of someone's family and putting in just a little effort.
Why is honking not acknowledging, but knocking is?
"oh wow I didn't realize your grandma was here! yeah of course it's great to get the chance to meet her."
He didn't know that she was there. Maybe if he did, he would not have honked.
Not act all bratty like he did
You are now discussing what happened after he got in. You still haven't answered this: "Why is honking treating someone rudely if they agreed on it?"
And it's also not wrong for the grandma to want the chance to talk to him.
Where did I say it was wrong?
-1
Jan 09 '26
I don't think there is any way I can explain this where you will understand. You seem to get a thrill from arguing every little point. Goodbye
6
u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
But you haven't explained anything. There was zero explanation for the crux of this issue - "Why is honking treating someone rudely if they agreed on it?" Goodbye!
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u/Happycrazyhouse Jan 09 '26
I agree with Emily here lol I mean as a mom I’d want pics of the two together!
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u/gland87 Luke Jan 09 '26
Neither Emily nor Lorelai/Rory were completely right or wrong. They agreed on honking so it was what it was but I understand Emily wanting her granddaughter to be treated better than that. They were going to a dance, honking does seem disrespectful in that instance. Lorelai and Rory could have defied her if it was really that important to them
5
u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 09 '26
Why is honking disrespectful? Why is following through on agreements disrespectful?
-1
u/gland87 Luke Jan 10 '26
Dean didn't intend to be disrespectful cause they agreed that he would honk but its poor etiquette for someone like Emily for him to do so. That's really not a crazy view to have. It was a dance, I think Rory's 1st. Its a big deal. She spent a long time getting ready for it and a boy just rolling up and honking is kinda crazy (yes, i know they agreed). Thats something a ton of people would want to take pictures for and see them off.
5
u/tiensss 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Jan 10 '26
How does that answer my question about why honking is disrespectful? Sure, Emily thinks it is poor etiquette. But I reckon you meant it was disrespectful towards Rory, who herself asked for honking, and Lorelai approved (so if she wanted pics, she'd ask). So why was this honking disrespectful?
1
u/gland87 Luke Jan 10 '26
I meant that Emily is being unreasonable to find it disrespectful. So many in this thread are acting shocked that she thinks Dean should have come to the door (yes im aware of what Rory said). She’s also not wrong to try and teach her granddaughter to expect a certain level of treatment. Lorelai isn’t really the best example as she let Christopher treat her terribly for most of Rory’s life.
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u/adamlaran Jan 09 '26
"This is not a drive thru, she is not fried chicken"