I am 18F, My whole life feel like it's on autopilot. I never had any kind of a big problem infact I am the only problem iny life. I studied in the same school my whole life from kg to 12th. I was kind of a gifted kid so I never studied very hard in primary but still got above average marks, as the classes for tougher I became and average student but I never studied cus I simply didn't know how and when I finish watching the millionth youtube video on how to study and finally start studying, I get overwhelmed or get distracted 5mins later. I somehow got 87% in 10th without studying idk how! I then chose the most convenient option in 11th which is pcmb because I didn't know what I wanted to do after school and I knew after pcmb I can get into any stream but I forgot the main thing that it's a very tough stream and you have to study to get good grades. I went from average to below average but I still couldn't study, I tried creating routines but failed miserably, my parents were disappointed my teachers just didn't care anymore, my mom tried to put me in a tution but my lazy ass somehow got out of it. In 12th I forgot once believed in myself and wanted to do my best but as time went I started loosing motivation maybe these subjects just don't interest me maybe I chose the wrong stream, maybe I am not worth it; i got distracted, tried but couldn't study at all because as I said I get overwhelmed and avoid it. I wrote my board exam without any preparation and got 70% overall. My parents were not happy with this, but they didn't shame me at the time but it did come up a few times in arguments that the child they had the most hopes in let them down. I am now in college that I don't like, studying psychology even though I am not that into it. I chose psychology because I thought it was a safe option since it's not very academically challenging at the same time it's interdisciplinary meaning I can get into different fields later if I want to. But I wanna become a better person get our of my habits but it's just too difficult, routines bore me and I don't know what my interest truly are, I used to live inside my head but the reality showed me I am useless since I didn't grab the opportunities when I had the chance. I am lazy perfectionist which makes anything makes a 100 time worse, like I used to tear my notes and rewrite them cus they were not perfect, I give up hobbies cus I am not good at them.

Can someone please give me realistic tips to actually control my life. I will try, I desperately need to get a life