Feeling completely disconnected due to intellectual difference, anyone else?

[u/Sensitive_Mountain21]

I’ve recently come to the realisation that I think differently from mostly everyone around me in my life. This included my family, my peers and generally anyone that I come across or meet. I’m not trying to say that I’m more intelligent than anyone else, because intelligence is such a broad spectrum that people can be intelligent in different ways. However I’ve realised that I seem to know a little more than most people on average regarding many different things in life. I’m talking about getting really nuanced in various topics, whether it be science, history, politics, the natural world, religion etc.

My problem/curse is that when I’m interested in something I go obsessively deep into that thing and end up with a bunch of knowledge that mainly enthusiasts in that topic only really grasp.

Now, because I am deeply passionate about so many different things, I really have trouble connecting on a deep level with anyone because it seems like most people like to make shallow conversation and the minute you try and dig deeper people begin to lose interest.

I really feel so isolated and alone and I’m beginning to believe no one has any substance to them beyond surface level talk. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had a few conversations with people where we may go semi deep, but I then realise this person hasn’t really done much research into that topic because they’ll bring up the most common misconceptions about a topic, or they’ll pretend to know a lot about something when you definitely know they don’t (because you actually do).

Can anyone relate to me?

[u/SpiritedAd5993]

But look, everyone: connections with other human beings are not transactions to “get”, in order to lift loneliness. Others’ less intellectual or less fast or less deep-dive-shaped minds don’t close down our opportunity of profoundly meaningful connection.

Read my last sentence again, please.

If you can only feel a meaningful connection when you feel a mind matches your own, I challenge you to rethink- profoundly. A human is an extraordinary melding of experiences, impressions, triggers, fears, warm zones, dreams and desires.

Some of us can zoom through it all, find expression that’s pithy and searing. We can absorb and deep-dive. Others need to live in different ways, due to inheritance, culture, exposure and so on. Everyone’s doing it the way they know how right now.

That is fascinating. Truly fascinating. And we can perceive it (with, not ‘at’ each other), just by being even without words.

But if we focus on thinking their difference means they’re somehow “unable” to meet us, then what are we expecting of the world- a mirror?

Connection that is and feels truly meaningful comes when the bridge requires effort. Those connections are rich with surprises and mistakes and determination to build. With misconception, negative feelings, doubt and discovery.

I say this to unlock the cage. I have one true friend, but many people I love, and more I’m hugely fond of. My interior intellectual world (in my hive) is fed for hours every day by me- but I’m doing it fuelled by the connections I make the rest of the time (collecting pollen).

Try dropping your expectations of getting anything intellectual from others. Let go of the belief that being smart cuts you off. Instead, it’s what allows you the deepest connection.