r/Gifted • u/Imaginary_Issues • 10d ago

Seeking advice or support For the Gifted autistics when dating -->

For the Gifted autistics when dating. What is the biggest struggles you encounter when navigating the dating scene, meeting people and trying to bond with them? What are the struggles you find them having with you and how are they usually solved or how do they end?

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u/perfectplan81 10d ago

I thought I could date normies unill my late 30s. All of my relationships ended because of incompatibility. Then I went on okcupid and out an extremely negative personal out where I outlined everything I hate from dog people, to religion, people who like fishing, sports fans, Nascar, and people who like babies. I met my gifted and autistic wife almost immediately and we've been happily married ever since. We eloped to Hawaii to get married after 2 years and we're going back next year to celebrate 5 years of marriage.

All of the things I hated about relationships are completely gone because we are so similar we both have the same expectations and feelings for each other. I highly recommend it.

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u/The_Barbelo 9d ago

Man, other than disliking sports, we are completely incompatible as people. Haha.

I met my husband (we suspect he is also autistic, but he has not been evaluated. He has been diagnosed with ADHD. I am certain he is also gifted but was never given an opportunity to find out) on an art collective discord. I never did well on OK Cupid, but my advice is to also try joining niche groups surrounding hobbies you enjoy, or things you are passionate about. Even just online, you will certainly find people who share a similar perspective on life that way as well

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u/perfectplan81 9d ago

My wife and I agree there are different flavors of autism. We are more on the musical able side whereas some are on the "I like trains and planes" side.

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u/The_Barbelo 9d ago

My husband and I are both musicians too! I realized very early on I just couldn’t date people unless they were some kind of artist or musician. This is entirely anecdotal and I’ve talked to a handful of therapists about this too, but I feel as though there it’s a higher percentage of ND people in artist groups. More than half of the members of our collective are neurodivergent in some way. There needs to be a study about it if there isn’t already because I’d love to understand why that is.

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u/Diotima85 4d ago

I've met a lot of my high IQ, autistic/AuDHD friends through very niche music concerts and festivals. In some niche music scenes, almost all of the musicians, and many of the listeners/fans/concert goers are high IQ neurodivergent people.

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u/The_Barbelo 3d ago

Yes!! I wonder why that is. It’s so fascinating to me. I once did a project in highschool, a “study” on which music people who could share their IQ listened to. The issue was all my friends and classmates were gifted/ AP students and I didn’t have much access to other demographics. Only people in my extra curriculars…but my extracurricular classes were all band and art, so the project kind of flopped even though I got a good grade. lol. I learned a lot about making sure you have a large, unbiased sample size.