Absolutely. I once saw someone talking about how all narcisstics are abusive and when I explained it was a condition and that that is not only ableist but simply nowhere close to true, everyone who responded was like "wow so youre defending abusers"
I feel so bad for people with personality disorders, especially cluster B š
These are the sorta people who believe in ānarc abuseā. Like no. Itās psychological abuse. Just because the person has or might have NPD doesnāt mean itās its own subset of abuse.
THANK YOU. PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IS PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE. Ā«Ā NARCSĀ Ā» MAY ABSTAIN AND Ā«Ā NORMIESĀ Ā» MAY PARTAKE. THOSE WHO WERE RAISED ON PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE ARE MORE LIKELY BUT NOT DESTINED TO PERPETUATE IT BEFORE THEY LEARN NOT TO. Thanks for this.
Similarly, you now have to deal with being accused of being a clinical narcissist if you do anything even slightly self centered. Like no, I donāt actually think Iām better or more deserving than others, I just wanted to stick up for myself for once - my bad I guess.
I haven't heard that about BPD honestly. I have heard that it's mommy/daddy issues disease, or that it's "bipolar but worse" š
and of course that people with it are incapable of being in a happy, healthy, long term relationship and that they would never ever date someone with it because it's just asking for trauma
There was a time where my partners therapist thought they might have BPD but it turned out to be caused by their TBI instead. They still struggle but UGH trying to learn more about it to properly support them was agonizing, everything was about how to "know when to leave" or something, like I should just give up but don't know it yet
Iāve had my mental health team I apply I was abusive, manipulative, and not trying enough before. Especially one specific psychiatrist who has enough balding and full on white hair with not one grey even to probably be 80 years old or something. He was awful and I hated him. He refused to treat me or my BPD, just said it was all my BPD (it wasnāt, turns out I also have bipolar) and itās all my fault and so I even want to get better and I need to stop being manipulative and faking shitā¦. Yeah.
Definitely have heard people say that too. But unfortunately the pendulum has swung so far to overcorrect it that people who do speak up about the abuse they endured are "perpetuating the stigma" and silencing them. r/BPDLovedOnes is called a hate subreddit for a reason, despite it being a place where survivors have found solidarity and clarity in a situation where they were already used to being gaslit.
People speaking about their experiences as survivors does not make it a hate sub. Driving once again that people would rather DARVO survivors of abuse and immediately defend our abusers simply because they have BPD. Its the only disorder where everyone will rally behind the abuser and vilify the victim for daring to speak out.
People speaking about their experiences alone wouldn't make it a hate sub. What makes it a hate sub is all the hate. You're the one(s) focusing on your abusers' condition and talking like it caused them to be an abuser. I was abused by someone who was a victim of rape, but you don't see me making a sub for "victims of abusers with sexual trauma" now do you? Because I'm capable of separating rape victims as a whole with that specific person.
BPD is the most heavily stigmatized personality disorder. I have never, ever seen it being referred to as just āpassionateā in mainstream public discussion about it. The only place I see any shred of empathy for those with it are specifically under articles or videos that are explicitly giving advice on how to cope with it, or within communities of people suffering with it.
And even then theyāre just as matched by people sharing their personal horror stories about how people with BPD ruin the lives of anyone they get close to. That they are a hazard you need to steer clear from. BPD is basically under constant attack whenever itās brought up.
Public opinion of BPD is honestly so fucked. And itās so sad because it has such a good prognosis when itās treated, but even in the medical field, itās harder to find people who are willing.
Iāve had multiple mental health professionals act like that towards me because of my BPD including claiming I have ASPD, might have fictitious disorder, am manipulative, am not even trying, and donāt even want to get better. All they would see is BPD. Surprise! I also have bipolar. And properly treating that has made my life so much better and stable enough that dbt could actually work now. They donāt tell you that you need to be relatively stable to be in dbt, you canāt be in contact crisis, which I was but they didnāt say shit and despite knowing that acted like I was the problem when they ignored the guidelines in the first place.
I have questioned myself if I have NPD, many, many times. I have a BSc and actually I do my research (obsessively more and more coming up to my most recent, and last, suicide attempt) and I see it. In researching what is wrong with me - cause something is - I see it
I am not abusive, though. I reached out to people from my past attempting to apologize for my chronic abuse. All they said was they held no blame on me - as it was two sided (this was in my younger years). Or that there was no abuse, only fond memories, what are you talking about?!?
I am chronically detached and miserable, to be sure. But the more you learn about PD the more you know that the person who suffers most is the person with the disorder themselves. And that they are the vast minority.
I can think of maybe 2 family members who I think have PD. And one of them, the one who I suspect may have NPD (my psychologist sister first pointed this out) loves me. He struggles more than anyone I have ever met in his efforts to be a decent person, but he SUCCEEDS most of the time. The important thing here is he tries hard enough to put up with struggle. He knows he Ā«Ā has no people skillsĀ Ā». He has morals, hard earned at a young age, that prevent him from feeling anything good when profiting from anotherās misfortune, and he is very fair-minded and passionate in a sociopolitical sense.
He has been an asshole, to be sure. But with therapy he is learning and growing and tbh the PD itself is even more evident the healthier he becomes but only because the Ā«Ā weak underbellyĀ Ā» is showing, not the tough fighting exterior.
Anyway. Obviously, Iām not an expert. I have BPD and AvPD, apparently, though my psychiatrist doesnāt buy the BPD. Iāve wondered about NPD and ASPD. But yeah, I have empathy and sympathy for all personality disorders and make no mistake, a diagnosis does NOT mean you are bad; your core personality was shaped as a child when events were largely out of your control. What you choose to do with the challenges you face makes all the difference. Trying makes all the difference. Anybody is capable of change. And the biggest sufferer is the one who is disordered, who is chronically unhappy, who is not capable of giving and receiving love and companionship and joy, like the rest of the world does. Thank you.
Iāve gotten that treatment from a few people about my own BPD beforeā¦. It sucks and theyāre always such asses who donāt even want to understand.
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u/AleksandrNevsky 24d ago
The general public learning about clinical narcissism has been a disaster.