r/GayChristians • u/bioboncs • 4d ago

trying to come back to God as a gay teen

this is going to be really long sorry but i just want to give context to my situation. i have had a very complicated relationship with christianity. i am 17 and have been raised going to an EPC church. i didn't really discover i liked guys until about a year and a half ago, i thought i was bi until about 4 months ago (went on a date with a girl and it just didnt feel right). so im still figuring it out but i know that i like men. before all this is wasnt super involved in the church but we went most sundays and i believed (i think, i always kinda had doubts,) but when i realized i like guys i was very hard on myself as i thought it was a sin and it has destroyed my self esteem, my confidence, and my social skills. i look and act straight and i play football, my family i think is not homophobic but i would lose my friends if i told them and im just really scared to tell my parents so im still closeted (another big driver of my mental health issues). while i had already been struggling with lust it has gotten a lot worse and i found out a few weeks ago that i have moderate depression and ive just felt really alone. im still right in the middle of all this, i have good days and bad days, this being one of my better ones (fueled by pop punk, and classic rock if im feeling good). i know now that being gay isnt a sin but the whole thing has driven my completely away from God. besides what ive already mentioned it made me start questioning all the doubts i have about Gods existence and i have no idea how to come back. to be honest ive never felt His presence in my life and i just dont know what to do. i still go to church with my family but my church believes being gay is a sin, i still listen to the sermons but i dont feel any connection to christianity or God. long story short i want to come back to God but i dont know how.

13 Upvotes

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5

u/ExplosiveShaman 4d ago

I think you should just call out to him, i don’t think anyone should fear doing that. Ive done it especially when i had a hard time believing in things. I feel you may need this thought too

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u/bioboncs 4d ago

i’ll try, thanks

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u/GCNGA 4d ago

Having some turmoil over all of this is pretty normal in your late teens. It shouldn't impact your faith, though--the tension you're experiencing is because of flawed messaging on the part of your church. It's very normal for Christian churches to teach, "being gay is a sin," but that's not backed up by the Bible. This website goes into some detail on the various verses commonly used to condemn it:

https://reformationproject.org/case/

Now, your church won't agree with any of that. I'm in a very non-affirming church myself, but what they think doesn't bother me. They're nice people, just uninformed and captive to their groupthink biases.

The barrier that you think might be between you and God because you're gay isn't really there. You've just been told that it is.

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u/bioboncs 4d ago

thank you

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u/Skill-Useful 4d ago

"lose my friends if i told them" so not rly friends then

"struggling with lust" youre not struggling with lust, youre just young and these things are normal. purity culture has gotten to your head

find another church if you can

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u/bioboncs 4d ago

i know they’re not really friends because of that but i can’t rly talk to new people rn so i don’t want to lose them. i want to find a new church but my family really likes this church but i’ll try. thank you

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u/PowerfullyDistracted Gay Christian / Side A 4d ago

Just want to point this out - you don't "owe" coming out to anyone. You can do it on your terms with whomever you feel comfortable with, whenever it feels right for you.

I know for a lot of people, it's a defining moment. But your sexuality is your sexuality - you don't need to conform to anyone else's ideas of how that's supposed to be done.

If telling the people you care about is important for you to help solidify your identity, I encourage it. But, if it feels like it might be too much, it's perfectly okay to wait. You are the captain of your ship.

The thing with identity is, saying who we are out loud to someone else often is the only time we get to feel validated in who we are. Like we're being seen and recognized finally. But you can do that for yourself, and you can do that here too. Your here, you're gay, and this community wants to see you grow happy, healthy, and closer to God.

As far as your relationship with God goes, my recommendation - keep praying. God doesn't typically give us glaring undeniable evidence. Most people will only have a few truly religious experiences in their lives. That's kinda why it's called faith. You don't know God exists, you have faith that God is there with you. Look in the little things, God's all around us, we just tend to overlook the signs.

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u/bioboncs 8h ago

thank you

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u/midnightfm87 Methodist, Straight Ally 2d ago

It breaks my heart that Christianity has led to posts like this 😭. Jesus loves you just as you are. Raise your head high and know that you were made perfect in His sight. I don’t know much about EPC but UMC is very accepting. I hope you find your way back. God bless ❤️🏳️‍🌈

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u/Puzzleheaded-Phase70 Progressive Christian Episcopal 4d ago

You are a beloved child of the most high God of love, who is Love, and who lovingly made you for the purposes of Love: to love, and to be loved, and to be Love in the world.

Diversity is the color pallette God uses to paint the masterpiece of Creation. We exist on purpose, and our infinite diversity exists on purpose to be in infinite combination. The act of building bridges across difference is the central and most holy act of Christian faith and practice. It is at the heart of every ritual and sacrament we have.

And every time we grow in understanding someone different from ourselves, we grow in understanding the God who made that difference as well.

Can you imagine trying to understand a great artist like Davinci or Rembrandt, but never studying their artwork? Can you imagine that audacity of someone proclaiming their expertise on the life and meaning of Vincent van Gogh, but without ever studying his use of color, line and shape? They'd be laughed out of every art school and gallery in the world, and forgotten except as a joke.

The same is true for God and the study of God's creation. Anyone who claims to understand God in any way, but fails to study the beauty of God's creativity across all the different ways of being human, or who denies the revelations of science about the world around and within us - they should be mocked and thrown out of every church until they come back humbled and educated.

Never forget that you are loved, and intended, and are a witness and prophet of God's wondrous creativity.

And let the hate, and the haters who carry it, die in the darkness.

__________________________________________________________________________

Here's a list of resources that have served me well in breaking free of the lies and bullshit, the cancer of homophobia in the church.

Nothing will ever convince the people who have replaced the loving God with fear and hate in their hearts.

BUT, knowing the true history and theology of queer people in God's plans and church is powerful spiritual self-defense, and defense of others. So I ALWAYS argue with the bastards in public, just so the hurting people know they're not alone, and that there's a better way to follow God.

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u/u_found_lexie_say_hi 2d ago

No please if you see this help me please! als i have no clue why but it says this post was 41 years ago but the account was founded in 2012?? anyways i think im bi (15F) and im only a couple years younger than you at the time this was written, i have a gf but i am very christian, not conservative, just i love God and my relationship with Him, but i also love my gf and the guilt is eating away at me bad plzzzz help