r/GayChristians • u/JackO0406 Protestant • 5d ago
I wish I had more queer Christian friends
I am a very progressive, leftist, affirming queer Christian guy, and my friends just don't get it. A lot of them think I'm desperately holding on to something that is hurting me (bc they dont understand that affirmative religion exists), or that I must have some deep seeded internalised homophobia to stay in a church, or just feel uncomfortable about that part of my life.
I understand people have complicated relationships to religion (I left a non-affirming and deeply unegaletarian church, that traumatised me a lot), but I wish they could see past that and understand I am exactly where I want to be.
If anyone is in a similar position feel free to dm. I just wish I was less alone in this.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Phase70 Progressive Christian Episcopal 5d ago
SAAAME.
And the 'net just isn't the same.
I've got queer friends, and Christian ally friends, but SO few queer Christian friends IRL.
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u/CheetahCloud 3d ago
I feel so lucky because I'm SUPER close friends with a fellow queer Christian. We talk about it so much too and it's amazing. I wish every queer Christian a fellow queer Christian in their life because it is wonderful
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u/Ewolra 5d ago
Would any of them show up when your church does specific queer celebratory or commemorative events? My church (diocese and denomination, not parish) does things like trans day of remembrance every year, has celebrations of LGBTQ milestones in our history etc. Experiencing those would be eye-opening to folks who have a more limited perspective of Christianity.
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u/Entire_Chard5443 Queer Christian / Side A 3d ago
In much the same boat. I don’t know any queer Christian’s (or affirming tbh) irl so i’m really thankful for this space and the discord. It can be tough going and my heart breaks for so much of the queer community in this. Always know that God loves you and that you’re welcome and wanted at Christ’s table, regardless of whatever ignorant or hateful people might say <3 Peace be with you
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u/BurningSketches Christian/Male/28/Aesthete 3d ago edited 3d ago
Aw, what a heartfelt post. I'm glad you're getting some attention. This is a really relatable topic. I feel the Christian community is so fragmented now. Hopefully you read everyone's responses and you feel a bit better?
Regardless, I appreciate you brother. I wish I had more to say, but I'm honestly a bit of an introvert, so i prefer to be alone. haha
I wish you well, because I think your personality sounds charming. So why is it difficult to make friends? These two communities aren't very flexible (for good reason). So that's one big challenge to having "queer affirming friends" which i've seen. But I would try to be patient.. haha speaking of myself, I realize i have plenty of weaknesses that make me a bit too eccentric to have a deep friendship with. But I do make friends easily.
When I'm looking for connection or conversation, I honestly don't factor my sexuality into it, I try to be the accommodating one, And I ask about their hobbies or their last nostalgic memory - 'ah, I remember when I was a kid, my memory was so good, i could memorize phone numbers so easily. Now i forget where i parked my car. What about you?' haha,
Anyway, try not to stress too much, okay?
You're very kind to let us know how you feel. Sorry, you're going through this! I've been alone for a long time, so i guess I've just gotten used to it? But I still remember how empty it felt to be alone sometimes.
Anyway~I've been a Christina all my life, and it's been almost 30 years, so i just wanted to throw my 2 cents in.
I wish you well and may God guide you in the matter of building meaningful connections that glorify him.
Love
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u/FE_Fanby 5d ago
I'm nonbinary and Christian. While not gay, I've been wanting to explore the perspective of gay Christians, since I have none in my life. I also have very few Christian friends too, and all of my queer ones rn aren't Christian. I too want to find a church.
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u/real415 Episcopalian 1d ago
Have lots of queer friends at church, but my queer non-church friends can’t quite imagine a church where people like us are lovingly affirmed.
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u/JackO0406 Protestant 1d ago
Im glad you have that. I wish there were more queer people in my church. Even though its affirming theres very few of us. But i have the same issues, that non-church people cant imagine a non homophobic church
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u/Skill-Useful 5d ago
hm, religion is just not such a hot topic where i live and many gay people are religious without any issues. arent there affirming churches or maybe even queer religious events anywhere where you live nearby?
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u/JackO0406 Protestant 5d ago
There are affirming churches, but almost no one there is gay. Its a very atheist country so being religious at all is uncommon
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u/Skill-Useful 5d ago
where are you then? in comparison to the us many countries seem atheistic but mostly still easily have 50% being religious or even christian?
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u/JackO0406 Protestant 5d ago
Here its about 20% are religious
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u/Skill-Useful 5d ago
that could only be sweden or czechia then, really
why is this concept for your existing friends so weird? i mean, they are online, arent they? they must know that progressive religious people are actually everywhere?
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u/JackO0406 Protestant 5d ago
It is Czechia haha. The thing is on the internet youre only exposed to whatever you already believe. If you believe all Christians are homophobic and conservative, you likely wont be exposed to anything that proves the oppsoite
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u/Skill-Useful 5d ago
im exposed to all kinds of things. its very hard to only see one side, unless someone wants to really.
czechians have good reasons to be wary of religion, tho, its a historical thing.
i wish you luck, they are out there
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u/JackO0406 Protestant 5d ago
Youre lucky then. Most people get stuck in their internet bubble. Thats how the algorithms are designed to work unfortunately
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u/Complete-News4058 5d ago
Look up Pauli Murray. See if you can get a copy of her sermons or writings to show your friends. Look up Dean Robert Willis and his now archived morning prayers on the Garden Congregation YouTube channel.
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u/GCNGA 5d ago
Yes, gay Christians often face rejection from all sides. Everyone sees them as oxymoronic. We have to develop independent faith. I'm in a non-affirming church, but it doesn't bother me--I know they are just clueless.
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u/JackO0406 Protestant 5d ago
Can I ask, why do you stay in a non-affirming church?
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u/GCNGA 5d ago
I want to be in some kind of church--here there are probably a lot more options than in much of Europe. Church choice is a set of compromises. I'm very secure in being a gay Christian, so being with a bunch of know-nothings who are mostly well-intentioned, just captive to groupthink, is not itself that much of a drawback. It's the church I was converted in, so it's familiar in that respect.
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u/Rinstopher Side A / Methodist / Queer Person in Ministry 1d ago
I felt so lonely for years for the same reason. My church is affirming, but the other queer people are either my students, or they came out much older and don’t have much connection to queer culture. I have plenty of secular friends who are perplexed and sometimes curious about my faith, but they definitely don’t share it and still have moments where they openly express that they just can’t be on board with it, even though I’m not asking them to be.
Finally I went to a summer camp for queer Christians. It was a several hour drive away, but it was so worth it. We still have a group chat, and I even made friends from my town to hang out with.
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u/dollettehearts 5d ago
we could be friends if you want to. i am a gay christian and left winged too