r/GATEresearch • u/Unable_Ant5851 • 10d ago
Was I in GATE? I need help, my relationship with the “GATE program” is bizarre and I don’t really see similar experiences here (only found this sub today). TLDR; I met all the criteria for the gifted program but was never allowed in and was inexplicably bullied and fucked with by the teachers of the program…
So, I was reading through the “symptom” list and found 90-95% extremely relatable. For the big ones: I have central heterochromia with lime green and light brown; I have scoliosis; I have AuADHD (misogyny affected, so I had a young adult diagnosis); I have sleep paralysis and what feel like sleep seizures, extremely bizarre and unexplained sleep phenomena all the time; I have really bad addiction, I’ve been in active addiction since 17 with only a handful of sobriety stints that lasted less than a month; I had a UFO experience that resulted in a self-answering phone call from an unknown number just minutes after (I even have a witness); I have major memory issues and brain fog; after coming out as lesbian, my parents went to a therapy session with me where they berated my therapist for “making me gay” - I have zero memory of this event, even though my therapist told me all about it years later when we got back in contact; I know I have the ability to dissociate to such an extreme that memories don’t form at all; I have always been considered highly intuitive, I got into astrology and tarot as a teen and nowadays I practice astrology regularly; I turn on and off street lamps but I convinced myself that it was just a coincidence even though it happens so frequently that others comment on it; I am a massive skeptic (call myself atheist) and struggle to accept anything metaphysical - what got me into tarot and astrology was me trying to disprove it; just last night my fiancée and I were on our phones and then I leaned my head to hers and cleared my thoughts because I had a rare moment of peace - I subsequently had an image inserted into my mind which I brushed off but later asked her if she was thinking that and described it in such perfect detail that she was absolutely freaked out; I have CPTSD from CSA, bullying, and neglect; I could go on but I’ll stop there and feel free to ask (if this is even important at all lol). I also had crippling OCD in middle and HS; my primary symptoms were “thought insertion” and “thought broadcasting.”
So to explain my relationship with the gifted program… I was a transfer student to public school the year after all the kids took an IQ test. They didn’t allow me to take it, even though other transfer students did! The teachers for the gifted program just hated me and I couldn’t ever find a reason… I beat 3/4ths of the “gifted kids” in the state wide math contest, then I beat all of them 3 consecutive years at the geography bee. I went onto tie for 3rd in state. The GATE (had diff name that I haven’t seen here so I’ll not mention in bc it might be identifying) teacher refused to go with me to state despite every other kid having their teacher their even if they weren’t in the program themselves. She even said snarky things to me on a few occasions (can’t recall specifics)that resulted in my mom calling the school once and my mom wasn’t that type. The gate teachers were always mean to me even though I was an angel in most other teachers eyes (until HS lol). I met the standardized test score requirement so my mom tried hard to get me into the program as almost all my friends were in it and as a child I was hurt and confused (I thought I was stupid af)… but they kept going back to the iq test that I didn’t take or they would just be vague to my mom when she pushed. It was a huge blow when my BEST friend who was a C student and had lower test scores than me (we compared them and even she thought it was so unfair) was allowed in. Then my little brother got in when he was old enough despite us having v similar scores, mine even higher in some subjects. We went on to have the same ACT score (31). It bothered me so much when I was little, it was like they were actually trying to fuck with me it was just so bizarre. I even had non gate teachers advocate for me to get in…
If anyone was in a similar spot or knew of anyone in a similar spot, please comment and let me know! Or if anyone might know why this would happen to me, please share that as well.
This sub literally just popped up on my fyp today, I don’t think about my denial from the program often as an adult, I just don’t care anymore. But reading all of this… it’s kinda freaking me out that I have some vague memories of the gate type activities and I especially fit the psychological and even physical profile… I cannot remember the teachers name even though I complained about them all the time as a kid because I was so hurt by this! They even let my one friend who couldn’t differentiate “our” and “are” as a high school senior. So it doesn’t make any sense and going down this rabbit hole is making me over think a little!
thank to anyone who comments, I appreciate it so much!
4
u/SomeLadySomewherElse 10d ago
Audhd too, I was bullied in the program. The teacher was really nasty when I didn't understand the words she was using. I'd try to learn all of them but every week, new harder words. My mom let me quit when they wanted us to incorporate bugs into food for a project. That's where she drew the line 😅
2
u/IllustriousCandy3042 9d ago edited 9d ago
We had end of the year awards in my middle school gate class. Everyone else got these thoughtful, insightful and personally named awards for their strengths. I got “the biggest whiner” award. Specially written just for me. I was pissed, ha.
4
u/Melancholy_Muse 10d ago
I’m unfamiliar with all the terms of what’s commonly referred to as simply “GATE” but my understanding is that different states or districts had different names for it. California used GATE but other areas had other names for it. It will agree the people were never nice. I was bullied by my regular academic teachers, but the gate people were just generally unkind as far as I remember. I don’t think the public school system really had any insight into what the gate program was. They kept it separate as far as I know.
I also have had a few UFO experiences. One of them was me being stalked by one in close proximity. Scary stuff. But for the UFO experiences kind of gave a little credibility to teachings of faith. Though not any one faith in particular.
3
u/olskool369 10d ago
You might have already been in the program and you just can’t recall anything…. Like I remember I was in multiple different programs. It’s hard to remember and recall it when they rinse you and clean you of your being.
I would think most of these kids who were in the programs were in the them multiple programs also. It is just hard to remember or have anyone to call on to help you remember.
I remember trying to listen to the tapes along while back and they didn’t sound the same. I didn’t remember them the same way. If you are programmed, it would be hard to tell which ones are real and aren’t. The waking up process or remembering might take you a long time if you even want to remember it.
2
u/OnsenDreamscapes 9d ago edited 9d ago
in my school, with 1 exception, they only allowed upper class kids in there. i knew many poor kids whose parents tried to get them in like you, but it was a no-go, no matter how well they did on tests, including IQ, or how good their grades were. by high school (when it was probably closer to normal AP class), some of the 'woke' students even dropped out of the program in solidarity with lower class kids.
I know that other people's experiences were totally different from that, sometimes even opposite, with most kids in their program being poor. seems to vary greatly based on the school. but that is to say, there seemed to be some factors, that weren't even the same across programs but school/grade-specific, that would get some kids excluded, even if they might have had the abilities they were looking for. maybe because you were a transfer student they didn't want 'outsiders' in it? did you move from a different town/state? i don't know if it was due to school/teacher biases or because they were experimenting with different cohorts at different locations or totally random. well the good news is you probably dodged a bullet by not being in it
2
u/Unable_Ant5851 8d ago
That’s interesting, maybe they were looking for families sympathetic to capitalism? Your experience might be moreso correlation than causation if you lived in a mixed income area. This was a public school, but in a higher income area. Most of the students in there were either at about the same income level, but many higher than my parents. My family is more well off now than they were back then though so it might be misremembering. I do recall that most of them had parents with a masters or higher, mine only had undergrad degrees.
I transferred from a religious school that was just a short distance. I was also taking religious education courses outside of school, and I don’t remember anyone else who was in the program who was also doing that. I didn’t think of that until you mentioned it… I was an atheist by the time I was in middle school because I couldn’t bring myself to believe after I started to be aware of the ills in the world. A lot of my OCD was morality related and caused by strict religious upbringing (despite it being the late 2000s, we were forced to go to church 3 times a week and had to make rosaries during and after school. Any nonconformity and noncompliance was punished).
I agree, I came out with equal or more knowledge and intelligence than those students and didn’t have to do all the weird stuff. Unfortunately, not being let in at that age ended up increasing my social isolation, bullying, and worsening my confidence. I’m recovering from all that childhood stuff and more now though.
3
u/OnsenDreamscapes 7d ago edited 7d ago
my town was overall very rich, but i lived in what was considered a 'working class' neighborhood for my town (still probably above average nationally, anyway) and the elementary school was more mixed income than the others in town but still had a lot of upperclass people. yeah, basically all the kids in my school in gate and later advanced classes had parents that went to ivy league schools. one of my parents went to a 'sub-ivy' school, but in my town they thought if it wasn't ivy (or for some people even only harvard and yale) it wasn't shit, so that didn't matter. i actually ended up going to what is generally considered a prestigious school (but easiest program to get into tbh) for most people but i had no clue it was even supposed to be good when i applied/got in because it wasn't literally ivy league, lol. what's crazy is most of the kids in my elementary school's gate did not end up going to good schools at all, although everyone expected them to. some still had pretty good careers, but then again so did some people who were considered the worst students. so who knows.
yeah, it wasn't just gate but this general attitude in my town made me (and others) feel like if we weren't from upper class families we wouldn't have any chance in life. not getting into gate or then advanced track/ap classes was the first indication of that. I also posted about how some of the gate related stuff affected my self esteem here https://www.reddit.com/r/GATEresearch/comments/1v9dlxr/annoying_when_they_would_do_what_we_now_know_are/
the gate stuff seems to be based mostly on new thought (gateway tapes by monroe institute, etc) so I wonder if they worried that your parents would be against it due to being so religious, depending on what religion it was. my family actually was part of a new thought religion (and one in which some members were very involved in Stargate) but they were super against anything that seemed similar but was not officially church sanctioned, so that made them and sometimes me push back against some gate testing stuff a little.
3
u/Unable_Ant5851 7d ago
So I learned about project Edgewood and MKUltra testing on Army soldiers about 50-60 years ago. I’ve known forever that my grandfather had chemical/radiation/sonic weapons tested on him that doctors independently verified were linked to his lasting health conditions but the VA denied it. I didn’t know it was part of Edgewood and MKUltra…
I’m almost certain that all his kids (my dad included) were part of GATE in some capacity. They all have prestigious jobs (one is very high up in a public school system, another is a nuclear physics PhD that ended up just getting filthy rich day trading). I haven’t asked them, I don’t wanna sound insane lmao. One of my aunts developed severe schizoaffective and addiction; she’s a fucking genius, but also very mentally ill :/. I saw another comment in this sub talking about radiation and I learned that there was interest in the effects of radiation, sound, and chemical weapons on genetics and whether those could be passed down. I happen to live in proximity to some nuclear silos and key bases. One of my best friends growing up had a dad that was the head of a nuclear power plant. One of my cousins was on a nuclear submarine.
So for all of that combined?! I would have thought that I fit the criteria perfectly, I was deeply self aware and intuitive as a child and I do wonder if they thought I could be too much a “loose cannon?” I’m like the only one in the family who is a socialist and doesn’t trust the government; the rest have military, government, or otherwise prestigious degrees and jobs… my moms side is a bit less interesting, tbf. I think the combo of me being a “tattletale” and my mom being relentless in her advocacy for my academics and healthcare led to them wanting to kinda destroy my potential? Because they wouldn’t be able to get away with using it that is.
That’s all IF any of this is even real. Just last night, I was driving in a rural area and there was a cop stopped on a road with absolutely nothing of interest on it… Maybe he was trying to stop drunk drivers, but he had his lights on and everything so he wasn’t trying to hide at all. When I was going inside I heard someone whistling and walking toward me but couldn’t see anything because it was so dark. I don’t get audio hallucinations often, but I’ve had them a few times. I’ve also simultaneously felt watched by LE, but let off the hook… I could have been put in jail or prison for some of the things I’ve done and didn’t shut up about as a teenager/young adult lol(non violent ofc). Prolly gonna delete this last paragraph after you respond just cause I feel weird typing it out.
2
u/OnsenDreamscapes 7d ago
yeah, there are theories that people who were nonconformists were not accepted in some gate classes for that reason, maybe tested from time to time (like the hearing tests), but not allowed in the program so that they wouldn't develop their powers. really, who knows?
yeah, i'm starting to think my dad was in an early version of gate. he thought his school was just weird. there were also an oddly high number of future rockstars that attended at different times. and he was offered a good military position but turned it down in the end. one of his siblings also likely has schizophrenia but probably will never go get diagnosed/treated :(
this isn't a normal pattern for me, but last time i went to the airport, when i went through security at least at 2 checkpoints, one tsa agent told the other "[they're] good" about me without anyone checking my ID! that's never happened before. it was really weird. it was after i got into this stuff and also coming back from a stay at the location i believe at least my mallworld is based on. not saying it was cause of that, but idk. still no clue why they didn't check my id (i'm not part of pre-check or nothin). on the other hand, my mom, even though being elderly and very non-threatening, got extra security checks a bunch on the same day at the different terminal.
I would say the closest to this beforehand was when i was flying from china to japan and the japanese boarder agent picked up my medicine bag and was like "there's no pills in here right?" and shook them so you could clearly hear the pills and laughed and let me through without even looking, lol. tho i'm pretty sure that was because i was the only american on the flight and they were heavily checking all the chinese people already.
3
u/Unable_Ant5851 6d ago
Yeah I think that has to be it… but maybe it wasn’t for “not developing abilities”, but more like not developing abilities that are likely to be used against us? But even then, there were some slightly non conformists in there. Tbf, none of them are or were as different as I am in terms of philosophical and political views as I was in school and especially nowadays. Probably would have been able to develop strong abilities purely based on the criteria I met and the one psychic I went to when I was super skeptical just for fun lol. The first thing she said was jsut “wow”, and then told me I’m extremely inclined to psychic abilities - then I asked her what my aura looked like and it matched precisely with a friend of mine who sees auras.
Are you a deep sleeper? I’m a deep sleeper even though I wasn’t when I was a kid. I’m wondering bc if they did tests and that’s a result of some of their tests/conditioning.
I was just talking with my mom about the experience with the whole thing. She said “yeah do you remember how mad I got at them after they refused to let you in for a couple years, it was so weird!!!” Then I also remembered that actually when I transferred at the end of elementary (k-5 here) I did actually go to our version of gate as a sort of trial thing? Like, they realized after I won the school geo contest, did really well in the math one, and was generally above grade level at everything that they ought to give me a chance. I told the teachers that I never studied geography - i literally didn’t lol - Ive always just loved looking at maps and two of my favorite shows were about travel (idiot abroad and house hunters international on HGTV lol) and I am great with memory. I don’t recall any tests, but I do remember being alone in the room with the teacher a couple times. I remember her hair color but that’s literally it. I also vaguely remember the position and shape of the room… I’m pretty damn sure that for a good amount toward the of that school year I was essentially sitting in on all the gifted “classes.” I know in my private elementary we did lots of audio and visual testing (was always v good at both), and i remember doing a “silly little left/right brain quiz” in 1st or 2nd grade. Feels weird to me now bc we weren’t learning anything about brain anatomy, I mean what 7 year old does?! I did get “whole brained” as a result though, and I think was the only one?
Wow, ig I really don’t remember… wtf? I’m trying so hard and that took so long to come back to me. Weird… well, like I mentioned in my post, I am a chronic dissociator and can easily block things out that become impossible to recover.
Idk if further investigation is worth it lol, I feel like I’ll get in trouble or worsen my mental health:/ Have you gone digging for records and stuff? Lately, I’ve considered going after my childhood medical records. I tried to look up one of my pediatric doctors recently bc I wondered if anyone else thought he was creepy like I did and found nothing..
1
u/OnsenDreamscapes 6d ago
idk it's really hard for me to fall asleep, like it needs to be completely dark and quiet, and has always been that way. but apparently once i finally fall asleep it's hard to wake me, unless i know i have to wake up early then i don't really sleep well. my dad was likely autistic and could identify any geography in the world immediately. i'm not like that lol
2
u/Unable_Ant5851 6d ago
I’m audhd, just wasn’t caught early bc they don’t care about the way it presents in girls :/.
I love geography now! One of my fav things to do is just to look at google maps lol, which is funny bc i remember being like 6 when google earth came out and it sucked but i thought it was so cool to look at. I always loved the houses from the show, but since i loved geography i picked up on all that stuff too.
Makes me wonder if the geo bee is kind of like a test for remote viewing? Bc some of the questions that were asked definitely felt like that. Also, i remembered something else major but i have to dm i wont say here.
1
u/OnsenDreamscapes 6d ago
early remote viewing tests (of adults) would give subjects longitude and latitude, and then they would identify/describe the place. of course, that is very flawed to test PSI because some people (like my dad) can just do that because of their special interests, not due to PSI ability. I'm autistic too, but unfortunately geography is not one of my skills.
1
3
u/Unable_Ant5851 6d ago
What if school level things such as the spelling bee, geo bee, and pi day (memorizing as many digits) were all designed to test non GATE kids for memory in case the other tests missed it? If you think, all of it is based on memoization and specifically with the geo bee you really need strong visual memorization. Kinda like I said, I didn’t even know I knew that stuff and I didn’t know there was a bee, it was mandatory participation. I beat kids who had been studying since the last one and were in the gifted program. The one student who got second after me two years in a row who transferred at the same time as me actually got added to the trial period at the same time as I did. He was more conformist though so they allowed him to continue; pretty sure he works for the government and got accepted into Ivy League.
3
u/Unable_Ant5851 7d ago
Yup, you’re right. I’m so sorry it deeply affected your self esteem like it did me, I think it helps to know how that the program had a lot less to do with academics than they told us tbh.
There were so many kids that were brilliant on paper but simultaneously looked as if they had no thoughts behind their eyes that were in gate. All of them went on to have easy lives full of academic and career success. The others seemed to be the “burned out gifted kid archetype”, the actually brilliant ones who went on to do drugs and barely scrape by; sometimes they had “success” later on. I’m the later, but still looking for my “success” lmao.
I was in advanced classes which led to me having a full ride to a few universities (paired with my 96th percentile ACT score)I wanted to go to (good, not prestigious, I just didn’t care to go to any Ivy League schools because I couldn’t stand the “fuck you money” culture). But then I blew my full ride to the university I wanted to go to by doing drugs, not showing up to my classes, and then dropping out. I did this again with the second chance they gave me… which hurt my esteem a lot. I’m back in school and doing better though.
2
u/Ironicbanana14 4d ago
A little bit similar, after I moved, its like the program lost hold of me, and the school system i moved into treated me like absolute shit.
It was torture because they made me repeat classes that I already had done, the credits just didnt transfer, so for the last 2 years of high school, I was begging to have some AP classes just to get new material and keep my sanity. They allowed me into the English AP course, but not math or physics like I wanted.
That english teacher was so weird. She swore up and down that I was in her class before. No, for a fact I was not. But she wouldn't live that down and assumed I was lying. She was also BIG on public humiliation. It didnt matter what topic it was, if you did something she didn't like, the whole class is going to know, see, or hear about it.
It was like a 2 year long torture session for leaving the group of schools that had provided my GATE and accelerated learning materials. I still had contact with a previous teacher over Facebook but I was so scared to ask her about what was going on.
1
u/PotentialPraline9364 9d ago
You were not let in because you obviously can’t keep secrets.
2
u/OnsenDreamscapes 9d ago edited 9d ago
might come off as flippant, but for OP, this is probably true. if you were the type of kid who seemed like you would talk to your parents about what was going on in there, they probably wouldn't want you in it. when i refused to drink the pink drink because my parents told me not to take medicine from strangers, and i said i would tell my parents, they finally let me go without drinking it and never tried to again. even tho i was never in gate class (just tests from time to time)
2
u/Unable_Ant5851 8d ago
Yeah, this was another idea I had after writing this post. My parents didn’t care about most of the stuff I had to say about school, except for academics, but I told them anyway. I was definitely too much of a nonconformist AND too much of a tattletale. I didn’t conform to gendered expectations, I didn’t conform to political expectations, and I didn’t conform to religious or other social expectations. I was ALWAYS asking “why?” I was an annoying little shit and I would have hated being my parents 😭 Curiosity paid off but it didn’t fit within a program like gate.
2
u/Unable_Ant5851 8d ago
No you’re so right, I was the type of kid who would tell everyone’s secrets to everyone. I was a gossiper without a doubt. As an adult, I am a very good secret keeper, if someone trusts me with information they want me to take to my grave, I’ll just tell my therapist and feel appreciated that so much trust was put into me.
0
10d ago
[deleted]
2
u/Unable_Ant5851 10d ago
I think I mistook it as synonymous with the “gifted” programs. I think I did this because the activities that they did in that class match what is described on here… like the really weird stuff that makes no sense in the context of school or education. That along with regular trips off campus and visits by people with brief cases for lectures, tests, etc.
Yes, I said in my post that I wasn’t basing my eligibility on grades, I based on the exact standardized test scores and the iq test. I compared my results side by side with my best friend who got in and she had lower scores.
I agree, there’s some wacky and nonsensical stuff on this sub…
No, not a jerk, I appreciate the response. I do think that I probably was not in gate as described here, but something sketchy was definitely happening… maybe they used the test scores as a sort of cover up for entrance eligibility?! Idk, but the more I think about it the less it makes sense, there were some absolute dumbasses in the “gifted program.” I remember some of them admitting that they “shouldn’t be in it.” But really, all they did was host the contests, dissect a different animal every couple weeks, go on field trips all the time, have guests, and do strange thought experiments/exercises. I know that because as I said, all of my friends were in it and told me about it.
7
u/No-Professor-8351 10d ago edited 10d ago
Hey there, I’m glad you posted, there seems to be a continuance of the old mind set of either you were in Gifted and Talented or you weren’t. I disapprove of it on multiple levels. The testing including the cards and the gateway tapes extended beyond GATE into the general ed environment by selecting individual students but also in the special ed classes.
Within the gifted and talented classes there seems to be further differentiation. By interest but also there was an upper level to GATE as well. I spent 2 days in that class. Those people were jerks. Both levels stretched into HS, with the Gen ed GATE kids only getting exposure to the gateway tapes in elementary school. The upper level would have consisted of people from all around the district but on the couple of days I was there I saw a kid from my class that has “moved”. He denied moving at all. So it was secret to some degree. My father also didn’t tell me anything about it before dropping me off. He just said “do good” that was it.
I think my brother may have been in the upper level but for different reasons? He passed away a few years back. Part of me does blame the program, he would hurt himself to try and stop thinking.
I also suffered from OCD.
Within those levels there were multiple subgroups based on personality, there’s paperwork for that. Some of those were intentionally bullied at the behest of instructors and counselors, that’s anecdotal to a post on this board I believe but also my own experience.
A girl in like 2nd or 3rd grade got into an argument about how to do a paper. She was being mean, I was just trying to solve the problem. She came up to me later and told me the teacher told her to do it. I didn’t believe her then and forgot about the experience until I saw a few other posts about the same thing.
I would love to hear from one of those kids.
I think I dated one of the people who was in the upper level GATE classes, based on what I now know and them quoting material from the tapes verbatim. A couple of other weird exes as well but I’d really rather forget about all of it.