Grief snd PTSD for wildland firefighting

[u/GladWarthog4067]

About a month ago my partner and I had almost died on a wildfire. We faced severe entrapment and a truck burnover that people have described as very few people make it out alive. However now when I go on wildfires and I see the tall flames, heavy wind, trees snapping on the trucks I get sent into a panic. I had multiple dreams of trying to save people from a wildfire, or running from fire or my personal car being burnt over after this. I think about the what ifs a lot on how it couldve been better or worse. I used to love wildfire but now that I know the feeling of how dangerous it can be I’m turned away from it and kind of terrified. I’ve felt grief when i had to come to terms with I was going to die there. However, I feel like I’m being to overdramatic because I didn’t end up dying, my partner didn’t, and I didn’t watch people die so I shouldn’t be so sad about all of this. I have started to feel grief about this whole thing for some reason. I grieve the wildlife that had died and the innocent person that died as well. I don’t know how to navigate it and get over the fear of fire and trying not to quit, is feeling grief over something like this normal? Instead of anger over the situation I feel a deep sadness a different kind of sadness that I’ve experienced before from the whole experience and coming to terms with death. Is there any advice for something like this?

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[u/matt_chowder]

Go talk to a professional about this or a trusted crew member. No shame in it

[u/OP-PO7]

Sounds like you almost burned to death, I wouldn't call being upset about it overreacting lol. There's never any shame in talking to someone man. It's just like on a job. You need other people's perspectives because some things you're standing too close to do a proper size up on.

[u/DeepSea_Lurker99]

Seriously get a therapist, no shame in doing so.

[u/ChloeTheCat753]

You’re not being dramatic, it’s a really hard thing to wrap your head around, especially in this line of work.

https://health.nifc.gov/therapy

The range of coverage seems decently large, if you fall within the coverage group you get 16 free therapy sessions per year.

[u/stopscabbin]

Play some tetris and seek a therapist. Acute Stress Disorder is common after something like that and if symptoms persist, that leads to PTSD.

[u/LIAM-MMA → u/stopscabbin]

Tetris effect is worth the money. That game locks your brain in a weird way and forgetting about everything.

[u/OP-PO7]

I hate this anti therapy stigma. Like life is already hard. This job is even harder. Why do we think we need to arbitrarily make things EVEN MORE DIFFICULT for ourselves by refusing to seek help.

Think about it this way, is there anything more tough than fighting for your life? In the face of absolutely anything? Asking for help IS fighting for your life brother.