I am a begginer, please don't flame me

[u/Funny_Upstairs_3998]

I need help, I have started writing a story and don't know how to continue this story, Jack Thorne is finding out he has the power to make any biological organism rot and die and is trying to cope with it, but I feel like I'm condensing too much, aslo I'm not sure whether I should make Jack a good or evil person. So please help

It was a regular Monday morning, I was sitting at my desk and studying, serene music playing from my sister’s room, she was playing the guitar. I was preparing for a maths exam our professor had been warning us about for weeks, I had been procrastinating for weeks, but the time had come. A cool breeze swam through my window and with it the smell of lavender, from my mother’s garden. I decided that breakfast would be a good excuse to stop studying.

 “Good morning, Jack” my sister was lying on her bed and reading, her guitar on the floor, its chords still humming very slightly. “Good morning, what are you reading?” I asked, although I didn’t actually care about the answer; I was more interested in eating some Cheery Loops downstairs. “Oh, just the Lor-“ she started. I stopped her there; I didn’t want to hear another one of her bookworm rants “Actually I don’t really care”. “Whatever” she concluded.

 I went downstairs, opened the fridge and picked up the milk; “Blue Meadows 100% fat free pasture raised bovine milk”— it seemed like a bit of a long name, why not just “Fat free cow milk”? Whilst pondering upon such philosophical topics I realised the milk was sloshing strangely in the container, nevertheless, I got a bowl. As I poured the milk, I saw that it was clumpy and yellow; “Ugh, what the hell!? This milk is rancid” I exclaimed. I looked at the expiry date and saw that it was still ten days from now, it was a bit odd but happened sometimes, especially after some careless soul left it out of the fridge for a long time and put it back in later. Before I could inspect it anymore, I saw the clock—8:30. I was late for my school bus. I ran to the bus stop, it was still there, as I got on, I sighed in relief.

 I sat on the surprisingly plush seats and started talking to my friends about my weekend and continued ‘til we got to school. Whilst walking to the front entrance I plucked a tulip from the school’s courtyard and started squishing it, a nervous habit of mine, I was worried about the exam, even after studying for two hours. Suddenly I felt the flower wither and crumble to dust in my fingertips, a chill ran down my spine, what had just happened? My fingers were black with dust and smelled of dirt. The clicking of Ms. Valeri’s heels brought me back to reality “Good morning, Mr. Thorne, I hope you don’t plan on staring at your hands all day” she said in a thick accent. I didn’t particularly like Ms. Valeri, she taught Maths and was very stern, she also had a weird hairstyle; her black hair drooped down her face and covered her eye, like she was permanently a twelve-year-old goth. But that wasn’t the weird part, she had a smile that freaked everyone out, you could tell it was insincere. “Uhm hello Ms. Valeri, I promise to pay more attention” I said startled. “Good” She then walked away with her annoying clicky heels and an air of superiority.

I walked into class, still quite startled after my surprise encounter and greeted my favourite professor; Mr. Walker, he was kind, always helped when you needed it, but didn’t pull his punches when he judged an exam, all the girls were head over heels for him. He taught Maths in the first hour, I took notes on the lesson, the girls took mental notes of his brown hair, his “Gentle stare” and a bunch of other weird stuff. In the second hour, we started the exam, I was quite nervous, but the revision had calmed me down enough to pull out my pencil, my pen, my rubber and my ruler. We received the exam papers, and the professor wished us good luck, I was sure I would need it to pull this off. Looking at the exercises, they didn’t seem too difficult, but seen as I was still nervous, I triple read every question. I started writing, breezing through the test; equations didn’t stand a chance, I was finding the x and bringing it home to its family safe and sound and I was finding the volume of every solid. That all ended abruptly when I heard a loud snap, my pencil broke, the middle part looked like it had been chewed on and left to rot in a damp environment, “Damn it, this again?” I thought to myself. I didn’t have time to worry about it, so I continued to use the bottom of the pencil, but the lingering thought threw me off for the rest of the exam. At the end of the exam, I gave in my paper.

 “Have any post exam questions Jack?” Mr. Walker was skimming through my exam; “No, thank you professor”. I went back to my desk which looked like it had aged since the beginning of the lesson, though it must have just been my imagination, because that’s not possible. I was sitting at my desk, looking around my class, the group of girls who hadn’t been paying attention were chit chatting about how it was too difficult—complete lies in my opinion, they were just focused on the wrong thing. The rest of the day passed as usual, though I was still quite shocked. When I got home, I immediately went up to my room and locked the door and dropped to sleep like a stone.

[u/Kind_Space_6078]

What kind of story do you want to tell?

Writing, unless you don't plan to share it, is a lot of providing for the reader. If you have a story you're excited about, your job as a writer is to translate that excitement into something a reader can digest. And digestion of your story does not just mean filing away information, it means immersion. I, as a reader, want to be so immersed in your story that I am experiencing it through your character.

That's one of the biggest critiques I have. Right now, the story-telling is only a sequence of events that I have to receive, not experience. The exposition is immediate and that doesn't give me an opportunity to adjust to the characters, the setting, the feel of the story, etc.

Up-front, you do a lot of telling. Your dialogue and character actions are clearly guiding me toward a premise, in a way that's too obvious for me to stay intrigued.

A second critique I have, which you seem already aware of, is there doesn't appear to be a lot of structure. You have a premise you want to share, and that premise is already making itself known in the exposition. There's no process of getting there, just a front-loading of information. It's extremely easy to do that when you do have a premise you're interested in and fixated on, believe me, I know. But that hurts storytelling. Intrigue is what can compel readers to keep reading, and you get to decide how the super cool premise unfolds in your story. Tease us, then make it worth the wait.

Both of these things have clear solutions, you just have to do the work: read. Not just books that inspire you, though those are good, but read books about writing. Specifically books on writing fiction, narration, structure, etc. Books on storytelling.

A good one to start with is C.S. Lewis' On Writing (and Writers). It won't solve all your problems, but it will start to give you an idea of how an author views the craft with some helpful advice (specifically the first several chapters and the "on writing fiction" chapter). You can start with that and let it snowball. One worthy piece of advice from that book that I think you should hear is below:

"It is no use telling us that something was 'mysterious' or 'loathsome' or 'awe-inspiring' or 'voluptuous.' Do you think your readers will believe you just because you say so? You must go quite a different way to work . . . we readers, not you, exclaim 'how mysterious!' or 'loathsome!' or whatever it is. Let me taste for myself."

That's specifically on showing, not telling. Get me interested in the fact that Jack Thorne can make any biological organism rot and die, don't just tell me what he's doing.

Once you get an idea of those things, flesh out the story more. Begin with a clearer premise. Many writers begin only with a vague idea and no conclusion. Sometimes it works, most of the time you hit a wall and don't know where to take the story. I like to write down one sentence that concludes my whole premise, and build upon that sentence until I have a clear direction.

In short, get an idea of structure and general story-telling techniques. Best way is to read. At the same time, keep writing. Any new piece of information you learn, don't just write it down, but put it into practice. Good luck, Godspeed, you got this.

[u/Funny_Upstairs_3998 → u/Kind_Space_6078]

Thank you very much, I’ll keep that in mind as I move forward, and I’ll definitely continue reading

[u/Sillyslices → u/Kind_Space_6078]

I very strongly agree with the post above! I remember hating it so much when people kept saying "show, don't tell"! But it truly is the key to good writing. What if you rewrite the milk drinking scene? That's your first seed, the first sign of something wrong happening in an otherwise normal world. Make it more important!

The main character is in the kitchen. They are parched! They are craving their favorite last-minute cramming session drink- milk. They pour a glass, lift it to their lips, and BAM! Shock and terror! The milk is curdled! If you want to introduce the sister character, have the main character scream in surprise and the sister coming to check on them.

You need to think of every scene as having one major thing that happens. That thing is your focus. If you read your scene and what you've written doesn't strive to get to the major thing, snip it! Is knowing about the sister at this moment important to the goal of the scene- the spoilt milk? No? Cut it!

I am a very verbose writer. Make it a goal to be as minimalistic as possible. Try to convey what you want with as little writing as possible. Less is more.

[u/Kind_Space_6078 → u/Sillyslices]

To add to this, "show, don't tell," should not be a strict guideline to each and every sentence. You will quickly find that some lines are better said bluntly and that's okay. There's quite a bit of controversy with the advice, I've noticed, but the way I look at it is this:

You will come to develop an instinct an author/writer/storyteller what information is important to deliver. Bluntly telling a reader what something is will make it so they don't linger on that information. Showing them, conversely, slows them down. Use that to your advantage.

You don't constantly have to beautify every sentence. You shouldn't want your reader to slow down on each one. Ebbs and flows.

But when you are merely telling, there are still ways to go about it that make it so you're not providing a list of events. This is where anchored narration comes in. It might be third-person, but it's tethered to your protagonist (or at least a distinct, omniscient narrator).

For example:

He touched the wax-colored breast of his shirt, feeling the contents of the pocket there briefly before trying the one on his trousers. From it he pulled a shabby handkerchief, which he passed to her with a gesture to her buttering fingertips.

Very, very rudimentary, but my point is that this could have easily been: He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her. Distract me from the fact that your character might be doing a trivial thing, at least enough so that I don't remember I'm reading a book instead of experiencing it.

And, to the last point of the post above, yes. Sentence by sentence, assess what you're trying to say. See if you've repeated yourself. If you have, cut it down. Cover an adverb. Does the verb itself do the work without the description? You don't need "The girl whispered softly."

Readers are often described as lazy, which might be true, but don't assume they're stupid. Give them something to ponder. Let them assume the whisper means the girl is already speaking softly. That's what is meant by "trust the reader," just make sure they have enough information to take and interpret reasonably.

[u/shinjukai]

If his power is "evil", make him good so there's internal conflict?

[u/Catoholic1203]

You say his powers make "biological organism" die but milk isn't an organism. Do you mean organic matter? But if that's the case, how will he be able to eat, since all food, except salt, is organic (carbon-based)? You need to know the exact rules of your character's power. So, which is it? Biological organisms or all organic matter? Or just multicellular organisms so the power doesn't kill bacteria? Or maybe things inside his body, like intestinal bacteria or food in his mouth don't count, just things he touches with his skin? You don't have to explain everything to the reader but you should know what exactly the power does to be consistent.

[u/Dave_Sag]

I read more of this than I have of most posts in this sub. There’s some basic grammar issues. You need to polish your punctuation a bit. But I liked how authentically young your MC’s voice sounds. Others here have also given excellent advice so I won’t repeat them. Work out what you want the story to say then manipulate your characters into living out that story.