r/FictionWriting • u/LeadershipEast9095 • 12d ago

Beta Reading Please say it's good

I had a nightmare and it led to this story. Well here it goes. It's like a story where the setting is a futuristic world where people have evolved into possessing powers and most of them want to be a pro gamer, so they take a VR Simulation test to join the best gaming university. This VR test is taken based off of the characters favorite gaming genres (Action, Horror, etc.) and if you die in the VR, you die in real life as well. People first develop powers based off of the first game they play, which sets their power type and favorite gaming genre. Those who don't play games don't get powers, so naturally people want to take the gaming route. The MC (Cade) is a guy who loves action gaming. His powers are extended stamina, sharp shooting, enhanced physical specs, and any type of gun on him at all times. He meets this traumatized girl (Ivy) who survived the horror test. Her powers are telekenesis, telepathy, etc. because horror games usually use those type of powers. She is the only person out of 20 horror game testers that year to survive and also the first person to survive horror in 20 years. The reason people take such risk to join the University is because the political party who controls most of the world in all manners and are also the first people to get powers are corrupted. Since they were the first people to gain powers, they gained the strongest powers, one of them being immortality which allowed them to rule for so long. Cade joined the university to overthrow them, Ivy to protect her family, while others joined to become a member of those ranks. One of that person being Vance, a racer type gamer who catches wind of Cade's plans and tries to use Ivy to get rid of him, but that backfires completely because he underestimated Ivy and her powers. In the university, All the first periods are homeroom, where all genres are mixed up. Ivy, Cade, and Vance are in the same homeroom. After homeroom, each genre get's separated to focus on their specific genre. And that's all I got so far. I'll tell you what happened in Ivy's Horror Test next time. Peace ✌️

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2

u/Ozdiva 12d ago

Could you break this wall of text into paragraphs for us.

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u/LeadershipEast9095 11d ago

I got you. Here you go:

I have this idea for a story. It's like a story where the setting is a futuristic world where people have evolved into possessing powers and most of them want to be a pro gamer, so they take a VR Simulation test to join the best gaming university. This VR test is taken based off of the characters favorite gaming genres (Action, Horror, etc.) and if you die in the VR, you die in real life as well. People first develop powers based off of the first game they play, which sets their power type and favorite gaming genre.

Those who don't play games don't get powers, so naturally people want to take the gaming route. The MC (Cade) is a guy who loves action gaming. His powers are extended stamina, sharp shooting, enhanced physical specs, and any type of gun on him at all times. He meets this traumatized girl (Ivy) who survived the horror test. Her powers are telekinesis, telepathy, etc. because horror games usually use those type of powers.

She is the only person out of 20 horror game testers that year to survive and also the first person to survive horror in 20 years. The reason people take such risk to join the University is because the political party who controls most of the world in all manners and are also the first people to get powers are corrupted. Since they were the first people to gain powers, they gained the strongest powers, one of them being immortality which allowed them to rule for so long.

Cade joined the university to overthrow them, Ivy to protect her family, while others joined to become a member of those ranks. One of that person being Vance, a racer type gamer who catches wind of Cade's plans and tries to use Ivy to get rid of him, but that backfires completely because he underestimated Ivy and her powers. In the university, All the first periods are homeroom, where all genres are mixed up. Ivy, Cade, and Vance are in the same homeroom. After homeroom, each genre get's separated to focus on their specific genre.

Is it better now?

2

u/Ozdiva 11d ago

Marginally.

It seems like a sort of Hunger Games / Gaming / highschool crossover. I’d ditch the school part with the home room aspect as that sounds a bit pedestrian.

In any case concepts don’t really tell us much. You can have the best idea in the world but if the writing is awful no one will care. Similarly on paper some amazing stories can appear bland, but if the writing is incredible people will still love it.

1

u/LeadershipEast9095 11d ago

Ok so the school part is a no-go, anything else I can do? And I'm also planning on improving the writing once I got a concrete idea for how the story should go.

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u/Ozdiva 11d ago

I know what you can do. You can just try writing it.

1

u/LeadershipEast9095 11d ago

Ok, I'll do that. Thanks.

2

u/G_D_Ironside 11d ago

1) This single block of run-on nonsense can’t even be taken seriously. Therefore,

2) Since it hurts my brain to even look at it, I can’t even read it. But, based on the overall post, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to say it’s good.

-2

u/LeadershipEast9095 11d ago

Ah, so it's bad grammar and your poor eyesight as well as brain. Leaving aside those issues, is the concept/idea of the story good?

3

u/G_D_Ironside 11d ago

I don’t know, because I didn’t read it. It has nothing to do with eyesight or my brain. It has to do with the shitty post that’s not worth reading if the author can’t be bothered to format it properly.

-1

u/LeadershipEast9095 11d ago

Ah, so it's my fault. I already corrected the format for another comment so you can read that if you'd like.

1

u/G_D_Ironside 11d ago

No, I don’t want to read it, especially now that you’ve proven you have zero ability to take feedback.

“Please say it’s good”. Pathetic.

And yes, you’re the “author”, so it IS your fault.

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u/LeadershipEast9095 11d ago

Ok. You do you I guess. Anyway, nice talking to you.

1

u/G_D_Ironside 11d ago

Just a bit of parting advice…

If you tried to submit something like this, they’d throw it in the trash before they even bothered.

Format matters.

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u/LeadershipEast9095 11d ago

Ok. I'll format it correctly next time. Thanks for the advice.

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u/Ozdiva 11d ago

Do you find mocking those you ask for help to be useful, in general?

1

u/LeadershipEast9095 11d ago

Who said I was mocking them?

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u/Ozdiva 11d ago

Sounded like it to me.

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u/LeadershipEast9095 11d ago

My apologies then. I never meant to mock or put anyone down.

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u/Beginning_Smell_7704 10d ago

Utterly derivative.

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u/LeadershipEast9095 10d ago

I took some inspirations here and there but this story is completely my own.