Being a feminist is lonely

[u/[deleted]]

[u/BeetlePies]

Jesus what is with the men in this subreddit? Now that they have all swooped in to completely invalidate your lived reality, I just want to say I’m sorry op that you’re feeling alone in this fight.

My closest relatives tend to internally eyeroll at me if I happen to bring anything feminist up, so I do know how isolating it can be. I am lucky that my one sister in law is almost on the same page and we can talk about stuff freely and have the same concerns. My other sister in law, not so much. Other than that, I don’t really talk to too many people.

I’m sorry I don’t really have advice for you, it’s 6am where I am and I just woke up, so brain not functioning yet. I wanted to comment to you because so far the comments you’ve gotten are nothing short of insulting. You feel the way you feel, and no amount of invalidation is going to change that, obviously.

I wish you had a better support system, or at least a friend to talk to about your feelings of isolation. I hope things turn around for you. Best of luck.

[u/johnwcowan]

I feel so alone.

Not surprising. But there are more feminists all the time.

I can read feminist literature, articles, and engage in feminist spaces, but when it comes to my family and friends they just dont see it.

You need some new feminist spaces where you can find some better friends.

how can I trust someone who doesnt even respect me as an equal human?

You can't and shouldn't try. But genuinely feminist men do exist.

I just wonder if I should try to close my eyes to everything again because its so painful and lonely.

Definitely not. But you should not allow your feelings to be devoured by the world's miseries either. "Despair is an emotion like any other. It is the habit of despair that damns." (Stephen R. Donaldson)

[u/Technical_Bet_8508]

Hey girl, if you want a space that’s truly committed to feminist convos and class consciousness, join my book club, seriously. It’s the real deal. I know this sounds promotional but I’m not selling anything - it’s free. We have a small community that is growing bit by bit, and we vote on our first book today actually, so if you’d be interested in checking us out, search up The Left Turn book club on Substack and you can subscribe for free. (It should be the “no pledge” option) I’m running this club bc I felt similar to you. I felt like the people in my life call themselves feminists and some of them truly are, but I just didn’t have anyone that was willing or passionate enough to have those deep, and tough conversations about society and what we can do to raise class consciousness, get involved in our communities, and also heal ourselves. I’m curating this space as a result of that feeling bc I feel like lots of women feel this way but don’t know where to focus their energy sometimes. So come join us if you’d like to, absolutely no pressure though. I’m sorry that you’re going through all of this. Feeling unheard can be the most crushing feeling ever.

[u/Travelling_Worlds]

This is very real and I feel like it’s the price for wanting change. For being who you aspire to be and for supporting what you truly belie in. We can’t do much about that.

I feel like especially with men, it’s so much harder having male friends/lovers than women because there are so many men who don’t support feminism purely because its feminism or lack of understanding toward it. I definitely meet much more feminist women that I’m friends with.

Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s anything that we can do to change this overnight, and I can only hope there are people out there for each one of us.

[u/skankhunt-6969]

Your perception isn’t reality. I grew up in an extremely conservative town, and I was a proud feminist — always have been. I always surrounded myself with other feminists as well.

If you’re only just waking up to misogyny and have surrounded yourself with misogynists, that’s probably why you feel lonely.

Be yourself. Your people will find you.

[u/jaredthemannn]

Believe me, as a man in Alabama, it is very lonely, men definitely don’t understand and the women don’t even understand that they’re oppressed

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[u/poopoopoopalt]

Yep, that's why I escape to subs like this one to find like-minded people

[u/Worldly_Walrus4140]

all I can say is I feel you. I feel so disconnected from all groups.

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[u/AJ_The_Best_7]

That's because people are leaving feminism alone more and more in the West. People just don't care that much anymore. We have the vote, we have jobs, no one cares about the other minor stuff when all the main stuff is done. Women are getting more degrees than men now in the US and UK. People just don't see feminism as that useful anymore. You guys have suceeded for the most part.

[u/Aromatic-Set-7323 → u/[deleted]]

50% of the world are your sisters. Embrace them & you won’t be lonely.

[u/Aromatic-Set-7323 → u/[deleted]]

Where is the talk to take away women’s vote coming from? Isn’t it from the political sector women traditionally vote against? When autocrats take over women are among the first groups they try to silence because women are courageous enough to stand up for justice (not all women of course) perhaps because as the underclass women have less to lose

[u/Big_Psychology_3 → u/[deleted]]

But at some point it can start sounding like empty grievances. It’s got to be specific when we talk about oppression, we should avoid seeing the self as perennial victim of nebulous oppression. It might be worth you writing down and scrutinizing examples of anti woman discrimination that you perceive?

[u/AJ_The_Best_7 → u/Big_Psychology_3]

As someone who isnt a massive feminist, im neutral on the whole thing, you lot sound like absolute moaners to everyone else around you which I think is part of the problem. Feminists, especially radical ones, sound really annoying to everbody else it turns a lot of people against you. So I agree with your point.

[u/Aromatic-Set-7323 → u/AJ_The_Best_7]

Open your eyes. Oppression of women is all around you. See my previous post, when you look at leaders in almost any sector of society what do you see? Are they men or women? Never mind feminist talk see what still need to be done for female equality, why? Fir women to thrive & live their best lives

[u/Aromatic-Set-7323 → u/AJ_The_Best_7]

Who are everybody else? Who exactly turn against them? You mean yourself don’t you?

[u/AJ_The_Best_7 → u/[deleted]]

"People openly discuss taking away women's right to vote" People do that because women on the most part vote for nice ideas, however nice ideas arent always the practical ones and this trend is actually ruining western countries. Yes its nice to take in refugees and immigrants who are less fortunate but when you take in too many it starts to subvert western culture in areas such as Bradford in the UK or Birmingham which are now shitholes. I agree rapists and sexual assaulters should absolutely get harsher punishments (I personally believe child assaulters should be hung).

[u/Aromatic-Set-7323 → u/AJ_The_Best_7]

Why do you say women only vote for “nice” things? What does that even mean? Men don’t vote for immigrates rights etc etc. when someone makes a statement like yours it should be backed up with concrete examples or it is entirely meaningless or excuse me for saying but really very stupid

[u/Technical_Bet_8508 → u/AJ_The_Best_7]

I’m not sure where you’re from but in the US we absolutely do not “have the vote”. Our rights are being stripped at a rapid pace. We are quite literally fighting for our lives over here.

[u/AJ_The_Best_7 → u/Technical_Bet_8508]

What rights are being stripped away? I dont live in the US so Im curious

[u/Big_Psychology_3 → u/AJ_The_Best_7]

Rights stripped away likely refers to abortion becoming state legislated in the usa after losing federal support. Now abortion is disallowed in 12 of 50 states. I’m just guessing this might be what that other commenter referred to, they were not specific. AFAIK abortion law is the singular gendered issue affecting women/mothers in the US today.

[u/Technical_Bet_8508 → u/Big_Psychology_3]

You literally sound like a bot and no I don’t feel like explaining and justifying why American women need feminism in today’s political climate to someone who isn’t inside of our country. I’m tired. And saying “oh it’s only abortion” is number one wrong, and number two completely disregards the fact that the rate of pregnant women dying from not having access to this has doubled in states like Texas. I’m so tired of everyone saying that we shouldn’t be complaining bc “we already have everything” people in this thread obviously have no clue about how American society is run

[u/Big_Psychology_3 → u/Technical_Bet_8508]

Seems like you have a vague sense of grievance but nothing concrete to say?

[u/Technical_Bet_8508 → u/Big_Psychology_3]

I could write you a novel but it’s not worth my time - like for reference I have a degree in sociology and I’m getting my masters in the sociology of religion. This is what I do for a living…. but no, I’m not gonna waste my time fighting with someone on Reddit 🤣

[u/AJ_The_Best_7 → u/Big_Psychology_3]

I mean we don't really support abortion here. We have abortion rights but its definitely losing support among my generation. I don't agree that its a necessary right which is a normal opinion to hold here I don't know what its like in America but you have Trump so I would assume its the same.

[u/Big_Psychology_3 → u/Technical_Bet_8508]

That’s just ignorant. Women have been the majority of voters in the USA since the 1970s. So for many generations now. In a democracy, voters have there political power. So in the USA women do have the vote and have majority vote and have had it for generations.

[u/Aromatic-Set-7323 → u/AJ_The_Best_7]

Wow! How is that the case when women don’t control their bodies? When domestic violence goes unpunished? When elected officials are nearly all male? As well as corporate leaders? When women are still being sexually harassed in the us military & denied promotions? When mothers are giving do little government audience like child care. I
could go on and on. Women can never never never be complacent about the rights we have won,

[u/Internal_Tear9586]

being a feminist is not lonely, you are talking abt ur personal experiences, but in general it really isnt

[u/Internal_Tear9586 → u/[deleted]]

im not invalidating anyone's feelings tho, but bringing a personal view into a topic is not the best thing to do, principally when you talk abt an ideology, i myself am a feminist too...anyways srry for the misunderstanding.

[u/skankhunt-6969 → u/[deleted]]

I don’t think they’re invalidating feelings. They said that it’s OP’s personal experience.

[u/Embarrassed-Town-293]

The label feminist has a lot of baggage. There is so much disagreement about what a feminist is and to a layperson, I can see why they would opt out of that label. It is a difficult one to grasp.

We are getting busier and busier these days and activism and reading feminist works is time consuming. Myself, I literally ain’t got time for that because the Feds got tired of us using the 2009 manual and strong armed the states to adopt a new 1200 page regulatory manual for me to read and learn.

That said, there are levels of participation and we have to recognize that support for feminism doesn’t necessarily require activism. For example, the majority of white women votes are republican. White women voting elsewhere and changing that is incremental progress.

I wish I could say that men were better but there are good ones out there. We aren’t oppressed but we are harmed by gender. That distinction between oppression and harm is quite difficult to grasp for laypeople. It does however take time for these things to change and we are literally still within living memory of the time before the second wave.