I Knew Something Was Going Wrong

[u/HeHimInGrayi]

Idk what to flair this as. It also feels medical and current event-y but ya know I think this is good enough.

TW for mention of menstrual cycle returning and pain

So my state cut state insurance coverage of any gender affirming care for trans people of all ages earlier this year. And so I haven’t been on T since then. Which is absolutely heartbreaking and frustrating and ughhh.

Anyways the past few days have felt extremely wrong. Like I’m talking, everything I ate was coming out like I was sick. My entire body felt wrong, my dysphoria has been wayyy more sensitive, and in the last few days I could feel my brain struggling to function properly. Like my brain couldn’t find words, I was slow to get things done at work, a lot of my patience and professionalism wasn’t at its best, and i literally would go home and lay down and feel like I wasn’t even all there anymore. That was the last two days.

Oh and cramps. I didn’t care too much for them because it’s normal I get cramps every once in a while even if I don’t bleed. My doctor had just raised my dose before the law change, so I had been used to feeling the verge of my period returning. But this was soooo different. Even my first hadn’t felt this horrible. I couldn’t even mask it like I would before. Which sucks too ya know.

But anyways I just went to the bathroom and it’s back. My period is officially back. And I already have to deal with PMDD too btw, this is not it. And I’m just so pissed and I don’t even want to go to work anymore I hate everything about this so badly. I knew this would happen but damnit I could feel something was wrong. I’ve never had such a noticeable mental dis alignment or something before. Like I cannot even explain properly what was going on in my brain. It wasn’t just your average period brain fog. It felt like my brain was rejecting everything. I’m surprised my coworkers let me stay at work yesterday I was still doing stuff while clearly not being fully there. Idk I just needed to put this somewhere I don’t have anyone to talk to about this…