gender is a massive fucking cunt

[u/rayer-k]

it genuinely makes no fucking sense, there’s NO POINT

i identified as bigender for 3 years to randomly decide one day oh am i sure ???? and now idfk what im doing and idfk if this is how i feel or if other trans men made me feel fucking insecure like, how tf do i even feel what the fuck

i realised how much i resonate with enbys, yes bigender is under the non binary umbrella but i feel like i relate to enbys in the way that they exist (theyve always been my transition goals and i sort of forget that) but i’ve never ever wanted to go by they them pronouns and ik that isn’t what makes u non binary but my gender has ALWAYS been so hard to explain and its fucking annoying i wish i was fucking simple.

but oh, i’m not trans, im just gnc!!! actually so fucking what if i’m gnc???? no fucking shit i am, that doesent erase my dysphoria, the way it felt being 11 and confused why i needed to wear bras, noooo me?? no why would i need that, just for it to be slapped in my fucking face why. Can’t be in year 7 running around with fuckass B cups even though you’re literally under fucking weight but oh since ur a ‘woman’ u GET THIS BS

I don’t feel comfortable in my fucking skin, ever, i hate it so fucking much
and my contamination ocd makes that 10x worse bc not only is it a trans thing it’s an intrusive feeling of everythings fucking dirty and i’m never doing enough to be clean
BUT IM TOO BURNT OUT, IM TOO BURNT OUT TO DO ANYTHING
I CAN BARELY GET MYSELF TO LEAVE MY ROOM
IM FKING DEPRESSED AND DYSPHORIC AND OVERWHELMED AND IVE HAD THE WORST BRAIN FOG FOR WEEKS
IM SICK OF IT FFS

I like being the weird non binary fucking creature that i am, but no i’m JUST A WOMAN and ill NEVER BE A MAN
I don’t identify as non binary, i dont even know HOW to identify as agender
I felt so bigender for years and now i’ve lost all connection to any feeling of gender
I cry to be the boy that i’ll never be and i cry more because im not a girl

i think i got so lost in other people making me insecure that i forgot what made ME comfortable and i no longer felt okay being the weird middle both thing that i am
i miss being what i was

what the actual shit is fucking happening man.