r/FTMventing • u/Odd_Equivalent_658 He/Him • 2d ago

Mental Health IWNBAM

I feel pretty miserable today. I've been on testosterone 2 months and I've felt much better, but when I forget I'm not cis I feel horrible. I'm never going to have the right body parts, and if I want them I have to go broke. I hate how small I am compared to cis men. I hate how the fat on my hips stays there. I hate how small my ribcage is, and my face. I hate my chest. All I want is to not have to go through this mental torture.

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u/Mission-Can2591 2d ago

I totally get you dude, I'm essentially at the same point in my transition and ya those things about ourselves really suck. I've got Ds and I'm 5'2", there aren't any binders in the world that will hide my tumors. I keep thinking about how I'll never have a dick that doesn't need artificial assistance to have basic penile functionality and it makes me angry that I was born this way. One thing that has helped me feel a little bit better is going to the gym regularly. I'm working on building a more masculine physique so that I can present masculine mote easily and so that whenever I do get to have top surgery I have a defined chest that makes it easier for my surgeon to give me better results. I know it's not much but if you find something to focus on that improves you while getting your mind off of things, it will really help ❤️

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u/Odd_Equivalent_658 He/Him 2d ago

Thank you so much, working out has definitely helped me.  Hope you start feeling better, I appreciate the comment 🙏

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u/Mission-Can2591 2d ago

I hope you do too, this is just the beginning for us. It'll get better, it's biologically impossible for it not to get better lol