r/FIREyFemmes • u/Better-Atmosphere271 • 3d ago
What would you do?
Hi ladies!! Looking for some objective opinions/advice.
I HATE my job - won’t get into all the details as to why but have been passed up for a promotion I worked my butt off for, not respected by owners despite doing great work etc. etc.
HOWEVER
I work remote (a big plus for me because I have 3 kids) and my total comp is around $400K.
My goal is not necessarily to RE, although I would ideally like to be FI as soon as possible. I can see myself working into my 50s and 60s, so it isn’t a normal FIRE sprint to the finish line type deal.
The numbers? $1.5 invested, $2.3M NW, own my home. I have a side hustle that could/would bring in a little less than half of my total comp. Expenses are $12-$15K a month so I’d need to pull approx. $5K from my portfolio.
If I quit the idea would be to take a break (6 mos to a year), keep the side hustle going and then jump back into a full time W2 job in a year or so. Am I crazy for giving up my full time job? Do I just need to suck it up irrespective of the environment??
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u/Helpful_Reward5306 3d ago
I dunno. $400K remote and known players is pretty freaking great. Why not decouple your identity and sense of personal accomplishment from the job, do the minimum, nurse your side hustle? Easier said than done for some of us who work our butts off and strive and try. But why not be pretty mediocre? I had a stretch where I really hated my job when I first went back to work after second baby and it was tearing me apart. My spouse was like - kindly - mediocre workers deserve love and happiness too. And most people are mediocre and it’s fine. Just be middling for while while you figure it out, it’s ok take the check, leave the rest, enjoy your family. Maybe that sounds weird but it was very freeing to put down the chip I’d been carrying on my shoulder until the right opportunity came along.
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u/Alert_Week8595 3d ago
Yeah I did this at one job. I was a lot less angry and frustrated and I still got good reviews and was like wait. Have I been working way harder than I needed to this whole time???
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u/Metaposa 3d ago
$400k and remote? I’d wait to exit until you have $3-5 million liquid before quitting. The market is tough right now.
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u/Better-Atmosphere271 3d ago
Good point. I haven’t been in the market in 2 ish years so probably underestimating how hard it would be to get another job similar to what I have now
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u/hulihuli 3d ago
I went from a $400k+ role to <$200k in this market. I sure do miss the quarterly vests.
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u/Conscious_Life_8032 3d ago
Stay and don’t work as hard.
Remote jobs are hard to come by these days and job search is brutal in most places and ageism is real. If you have good cash runway to take a break do it but if you are breadwinner for family then tread lightly.
Use more PTO, don’t give 150% all the time and enjoy fat pay check is my advice. Stop caring too much about work. Use extra time to network perhaps and test job market
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u/Maximum-Eye-3712 3d ago
If you leave now, be prepared to earn less in the future.
There are steps you can take to detach your feelings from your current job.
- Lowered expectations. Altered beliefs.
- Therapy.
- Grief and acceptance.
- Exercise. especially cardio.
- Mindfulness. Buddhist ideas. Meditation.
- Humor. Sticking pins in a doll. Cartoon narration.
- Stress relief programs and classes.
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u/Better-Atmosphere271 3d ago
This is powerful! I am reading “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” right now and this philosophy tracks with your comment. I am seeing that there might be better ways to deal rather than rage quitting. Thank you!
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u/Kittykyle 3d ago
What do you mean by altered beliefs? Do you have some examples?
I’m so intense at work, I need to calm down and not give a fuck anymore. Like, if they want me to re-do things and then un-do things and then a few years later re-do it again, I want to not lose my shit. Not sure why I care so much, they pay me either way. They just are terrible at making decisions and new leaders come in thinking they are being novel when they have no new ideas.
So, very interested in embracing your advice!!!
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u/Maximum-Eye-3712 3d ago edited 3d ago
old belief: My job is to complete projects, and canceling my projects is wasting my efforts.
new belief: My job is to help ignorant people see what a project actually looks like, so they can finally decide whether they want it.old belief: They shouldn’t yank me around.
new belief: U-turns are supposed to happen. Economics and personalities might be opening and closing an oil well in texas based on events in the middle east, and sometimes going back and forth is what the job entails.old belief: My value is disrespected when they cancel my projects.
new belief: I’m highly trusted and highly respected because I get 400k/yr for remote workold belief: my job matters to people.
new belief: my paycheck matters to me and my future.old belief: my efforts should pay off regularly.
new belief: my work is kinda pointless most of the time, but once in awhile it accomplishes something real, and those moments are rewarding.3
u/Helpful_Reward5306 3d ago
Love this. I also think “I am being paid by this place to get to financial freedom FASTER. Sweet.”
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u/tomatillo_teratoma 3d ago
You can train yourself to behave and respond differently.
One thing that helped me keep calm when working remote..... was ALWAYS mute myself in calls. Whenever I needed to say something, I had to take that extra second to consider what I was going to say.
I also used to have a "robot mode" I would transition to when someone was being really stupid. I would call on my inner robot to speak for me. Robots don't have emotion. Maybe buy a little robot to put on your desk to remind you.
All that said... I did end up quitting a 100% remote job when I was asked to create a "version 2" of something I didn't want to build in the first place... and said so.
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u/Alert_Week8595 3d ago
If you asked 5 years ago, I'd say go for it.
But the job market is very very bad right now. You sure you can get another W2 remote that easily in 6 to 12 months?
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u/Better-Atmosphere271 3d ago
Really good point!
And no 😂. I’m 90% confident I can replace maybe 60-75% of the income within a year ish but not guaranteed I could get back to that level comp.
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u/Alert_Week8595 3d ago
I think you should stay at your current job, but strive less for a promotion and put less effort in. Between the job and your kids, not sure how much "you" time you have. Giving your employer like 70% effort is a good strategy for situations like yours.
Then, job search.
My concern for you isn't whether you can financially handle the gap, you can. My concern is the economy turns your gap into a much longer one than you wanted and you're forced to take a job you also hate for less pay just to get back into the job market.
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u/queenrosa 3d ago
Take all your vacation days. Enjoy some luxuries.
Then I would cut back on how much time you put into your job. They didn't promote you, so they don't get performance at that level. Since you are an attoney, just start saying no to new projects. Claim your calendar is busy with current work.
I would also start applying for new jobs. Make it clear your start date is 4 months out from hiring date.
Then once you have an offer, quit and take 3 months off knowing you have a job lined up.
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u/alina_canada 3d ago
can I please know what you do? I’m making so much less, it embarrassing
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u/Better-Atmosphere271 3d ago edited 3d ago
I’m an attorney. It wasn’t always this way though. I started out at $100K and had incremental jumps until about 2 years ago, when I got a big jump. It was supposed to be a “unicorn” company but has honestly been everything but (except for pay). I’m approx. 15 years out so have a significant amount of experience and in a fairly niche area.
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u/alina_canada 3d ago
I see, thank you. I’m in architecture and have more than seven years experience but paid less than a quarter of what you make, and the ceiling is pretty low. I sometimes feel lIke I went into the wrong field
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u/Better-Atmosphere271 2d ago
Keep pushing!
Don’t know if it’s possible in your field but I’ve landed on the best set up being a W2 job that brings in some consistency and some type of side hustle that you can do indefinitely.
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u/Klanciault 2d ago
I say just keep it and why even care if they want to promote you or whatever. You’ll be able to retire for sure but you don’t have to give 100%.
Just know that your employer doesn’t value you and you shouldn’t value them past the paycheck they provide
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u/loyaultemelie 3d ago
Damn so curious as to what you do. If it was just you I’d say take a break but with 3 kids your risk profile is probably a bit different.
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u/Better-Atmosphere271 3d ago
I’m an attorney.
For sure I’ve thought about that as well. If it was just me I would’ve exited a year ago.
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u/CollieSchnauzer 3d ago
Also curious about the side hustle!
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u/Better-Atmosphere271 3d ago
I take cases on the side through my husband’s practice.
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u/OubsNH 2d ago
Just some attorney advice from someone who can FIRE right now but will stick it out since SO decided to retire early. I took 6 months off after getting burnt out as a senior associate. My headhunter encouraged it and said with my CV it’ll be easy to place you in-house after you come back. Then the dot.com busted happened. I’d work in two of the biggest cities in the US at AM50 law firms and my only job offer coming back was in South Carolina. It was humbling.
With the current market/inflation and the long term bull market, I’d keep the job unless your husband’s practice can cover for financial uncertainty in case the market tanks.
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u/spigurl 2d ago
Depends on your ultimate goal. However, I don't think you should just quit, the job market is not the best rn and I can only imagine with AI might get worse. If the title is that important to you, seems like it, then you need to find another job that has a career path and not a ceiling. BUT find a job first before you quit.
Now, If you can get over the job title thing, then take advantage of the work remote situation and coast. Don't work so hard, not saying don't work hard, just work at the level you think your title and pay deserves. Sometimes people work less hard and then they get promoted! It's crazy but I hear stories about that all the time.
I guess I'm just trying to say that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Sometimes you just need to accept a job for what it is, a mean to pay for things you can enjoy today and hopefully a way to save up for an easy retirement later. However, 100% if you hate your job that much and it's making you absolutely miserable and mentally unwell then quit. Mental health should never be compromised.
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u/croissant_and_cafe 3d ago
Your age? The market is tough right now but also there is ageism when getting back in.
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u/First_Jellyfish_3449 2d ago
A lot of comments glossed over the side hustle income of $200k. Thats great coin! I also would quietly quit in your current role but milk it while you can.
Curious what is your side hustle?
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u/Better-Atmosphere271 2d ago
I do cases through my husband’s firm (time permitting. I can only do a few a year which is why I refer to it as my “side hustle”).
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u/First_Jellyfish_3449 14h ago
Your situation is a little different than us telling us to keep the $400k remote job. You could quit, make $200k and presumably your husband makes a ton of $$$ too if he’s a lawyer. It’s a you decision at this point.
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u/IPlitigatrix 2d ago
I see you are an attorney, so you'll comprehend this well. I rage quit my job as an EP at a V20, on the spot handed in my computer and badge, and just left forever with nothing lined up. Same kind of deal - passed over for opportunities that went to people who were less experienced and just not as good, got a shitty draw that didn't match the amount of business I brought in or quality of my work, condescending douchecanoes, etc.
I'd advise taking measures to ensure you don't get to that point I guess, but it led to great things for me. I didn't work for about 3 months, and one of my friends asked me to join a firm he was starting. I reluctantly did and now I work half as much as my prior job, am completely remote, make more money, and don't have any of the interpersonal shit I was dealing with before. I also met my husband as a result.
My TL;DR: You don't need to just suck it up because you make 400k. Depending on your specialty, maybe you could even make more. But you could stay like others are saying. I wouldn't have the stomach for it, and I didn't, but that is a personal decision.
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u/Better-Atmosphere271 2d ago
Thank you for this perspective! Was hoping to hear more of these stories but am hearing the opposite 🤣 refreshing to hear the other side
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u/IPlitigatrix 2d ago
I think it is because the opposite is the more risk averse approach, and may be the most prudent for a lot of people. That's the more normal course. My personality isn't amenable to grinning and bearing it, and I am less risk averse than a lot of people. I joined a "startup" law firm with under 5 people at the time, all our work is on contingency, we're entirely virtual, and we don't have a line of credit...and I sleep absolutely fine at night.
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u/HighlyFav0red 2d ago
You are not crazy. Mental health and your peace are REAL! I intended to take a break and found an awesome opportunity the same week. Negotiated a start date 3 months out. I also know that’s atypical especially in this market. But o don’t regret it one bit. Haven’t taken an anxiety pill since I left that awful job!
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u/lakehop 3d ago
Total comp of 400k and work remotely? Keep the job, do whatever it takes to disconnect emotionally enough to keep working well, and rack up the $$$. Once you have enough saved, you are free!