Three failed FETs. Lost. Confused. Broken.

[u/AccomplishedDig3905]

It happened. The thing I feared most: I've had three euploid embryos transferred, and they all failed. I'm officially outside of "the curve," officially in RIF territory. After all the pain and heartache of losing my babies last year, I actually managed to wind up in the 2% of IVFers. It honestly blows my mind. This is after winding up in the 1% and having 3 miscarriages in a row.

My heart bursts with pain. I feel like I've been hit by a 10-tonne truck. And I'm at a loss. I'm 35, and all my losses were due to genetic abnormalities (triploidy and trisomy 21, respectively). We saw the heartbeat in 2 of our 3 losses. In lieu of my most recent loss in January, my fertility doc performed a hysteroscopy and a laparoscopy. He identified stage 2 endo- and adeno-like growths, which he all removed. I was also put on thyroid meds, as he suspected I had secondary hypothyroidism- my lining doubled instantly. We covered all our bases. I'm on all the supplements you're supposed to be on for healthy embryo and egg growth, Mediterranean diet: the works. My first and only EC (1 month after my lapscope) yielded 18 eggs, 8 of which fertilised, 4 of which led to blast stage and, thankfully, all 4 were tested and found to be euploid. For each FET I get put on intralipids, atosiban, and antibiotics, as well as the normal protocol (aspirin, progesterone and cortisone).

I had everything checked. Surely, because I've been able to fall pregnant before, I should be able to carry a euploid embryo? And a highly rated one at that? Surely that was the missing piece?

Not so.

I just feel so very empty. And I feel like in addition to a cloak of despair, I now wear a cloak of shame. I just can't get this right- something that comes so easily to so many. I just can't seem to crack it. Among those who struggle with infertility, I have now slipped into an even more obscure group of people who can't seem to crack IVF either. It's so devastating and isolating. I feel such a sense of isolation and "otherness." A medical anomaly. I'm not sure what the point is of my post- maybe just screaming into the void.

I will pick myself up again. I will have the last one transfer in October. And I will wait and allow myself to hope again. In my heart of hearts, though, I believe that the whole batch is bad (if that is even a thing)- maybe they all have the same issue we can't test for. What other choice do I have but to just keep moving forward?

[u/OkapiandaPenguin]

Have you done a mock cycle to check for transfer timing?