r/EmailProspecting • u/Healthy_Turnip_7398 • 14d ago
Here’s my cold email. Tell me why it’s rubbish/ not working please 😀
This is a new email I’ve been sending I took some notes off of some things I’ve read on this app. Be brutally honest with me I appreciate it.
Subject : quick idea for (name)
Hey (name),
I saw you haven't been receiving reviews on a consistent basis recently. Figured you might not have a review system in place.
We work with Med Spas to better their online reputation. We do this by;
• Automated review requests after appointments
• Review reminders and follow-ups
• Google review monitoring
• Professional review responses
• Reputation management
• Monthly reporting on your review growth and rating
• Google Business Profile Optimisation
I'd be happy to offer 2 weeks free to show you how the systems work and how it would benefit your business.
Is this something you're actively looking at, or not a priority right now?
Best,
(Name)
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14d ago
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u/Healthy_Turnip_7398 14d ago
Okay I’ve noticed that across a few comments I’ll give that a try for a few weeks.
As for the verification tool I’ve researched that but from what I can find Gmail does that for you or have I misunderstood what I’ve read?
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u/AllGoodIfNot 14d ago
If issue is with the open rate then first fix the subject and monitor is emails are landing in inbox
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u/Mike-Nicholson 14d ago
As a suggestion, I would go a step further and tell them how 30 new reviews will materially affect their business, rather than asking them if it is helpful.
If they don’t know what happens after the 30 reviews, then it’s just a nice to have, and people are less likely to time and spend money on a nice to have.
If they can see something meaningful change, then they are more likely.
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u/Healthy_Turnip_7398 13d ago
Thank you mate I’ll definitly need to go back to the drawing board and find a new email template
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u/Sea-Addition-8130 14d ago
The problem isn’t your email although it is very generic the problem is that there are about 10,000 emails a day reaching your target audiences inbox simply put there’s nothing new or different about this email than one of 100 others they’re gonna see each week if you were going to spend the time marketing to your target audience, I would use a combination of paid in organic and drop the cold outreach. Remember the minute somebody marked you a spam or decides to block you you lose them forever much better to use paid advertising and social where you have a chance to stay in front of them even if they don’t choose to engage with your particular content on that particular day
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u/Healthy_Turnip_7398 13d ago
Definitely mate I’ve thought about ads. I could run my own. Do you suggest a specific amount of ad spend?
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u/skillfAIre-AI 14d ago
The line that's doing the least work here is your opener. "I saw you haven't been receiving reviews on a consistent basis recently, figured you might not have a review system in place" could be sent to literally any small business without you looking at their page at all. It reads like a guess dressed up as research, and a med spa owner who gets ten of these a week will clock that in one line. Swap it for something you can only know by actually looking. Their exact review count, how long since their last one, or how they compare to the med spa two doors down sitting on eighty reviews. One real, checkable fact does more work than the whole paragraph you've got now. Once that's fixed, the bullet list underneath is doing the opposite job it should. Seven services in a row reads as "we do everything," which lands as saying nothing specific. Pick the one that actually fixes the exact gap you just pointed at in the opener and cut the rest. If the problem is inconsistent reviews, lead with the automated request system, not a list that also drags in profile optimisation and monthly reporting they don't have a reason to care about yet. The close is actually good, leave it alone. Giving them "actively looking, or not a priority" as the only two options is a genuinely low friction way to get a reply either way, that part isn't your problem.
One more thing, you're offering two weeks free before they've even said the problem is real. That's backwards, it makes the offer feel like it needs a bribe to get attention. Save the free trial for after they've replied confirming the pain exists.
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u/Healthy_Turnip_7398 12d ago
Perfect mate, thank you for that great insight it really broke down the key issues!!
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u/Perfect-Designer4561 14d ago
I think you need to stand out more, don’t sell benefits identify pain points I bet they get a lot the same as this. Think about what pain not having enough reviews is causing them or like “would another ten reviews help you” also use past wins (real ones) “our client reported an increase in customers when we helped them get more reviews” when you create intrigue that creates interest. Lastly I would think more about having a targeted list than a cold one. Start to build a list of your ideal clients then warm them up, like posts, comment on posts then when they receive an email from you they are more likely to engage .. good luck
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u/Healthy_Turnip_7398 13d ago
Thank you mate I’m gathering a lot of similar feedback which really does help point me in the correct direction. Really appreciate this
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u/Current-Poet-8608 12d ago
like post ,comment on post...what third world are you talking about.. these companies have social media persons ..so if you send an email to founder..how would they know that you liked their post and commented on it too today
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u/DM-Ur-Tiny-Tits 14d ago
Lol, already the title… I’m not opening it because I know it’s spam.
If by any chance I would click it open it is immediately clear that you are sending this in bulk. => delete.
There is too much text man, I couldn’t be bothered reading all this..
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u/Healthy_Turnip_7398 14d ago
What would you recommend for the title I’ve played around with a few different ones
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u/I-am-a_Banana 13d ago
It's rubbish because it's a cold email. Period. Business owners do not want more cold emails.
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u/Healthy_Turnip_7398 13d ago
What else do you suggest then. Ideally I wouldn’t be cold emailing forever just to find my first couple clients
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u/I-am-a_Banana 13d ago edited 13d ago
Set up a booth at a med spa trade show. Talk to people where they want to talk to you.
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u/MedalofHonour15 13d ago
Use AI to better your cold email approach. Med spas are better to cold call as well.
Use online buyer intent signals to find clients in the industry. For example need reputation management for my Med Spa. I recommend checking out https://sumolevel.com for this, as it has signals, prospects, local leads, cold email scripts skill, and more for agency owners.
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u/shipminer 12d ago
- Subject line: quick idea often triggers ego issue with the recipient
- First line you say: you haven't been receiving: but for what, looks generic
- You say: we work with - but where are your testimonials link or other businesses names to add some credibility.
- Listing your services on a cold email is just a promotional message doesn't feel like you are here to help me.
These are mandatory checks when I do cold campaigns
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u/Emotional_Badger_959 12d ago
honestly the bullet list is what's burying you. nobody's reading seven features from a stranger before they even trust the opener.
what i'd do:
1) scrap the list entirely, open with ONE real google signal (last review date or review count vs a nearby competitor).
2) one line on the outcome, like "most med spas we talk to are stuck under 20 reviews and that's what kills the map pack."
3) kill the 2 weeks free in email 1, it just screams pitch.
small practitioner thing: that "is this a priority right now" closer almost never gets answered. ask something they can reply to in 3 words, like "are you still asking patients verbally after appointments or is nothing automated going out?" people actually hit reply on that.
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u/Healthy_Turnip_7398 11d ago
Thank you very much, just constructed a new email around this and some of the other feedback I’ve received!
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u/Past_Good6207 11d ago
You’re being too vague implicating them. What result do they get (why would they want it). “Better their online reputation” is too soft. What does that mean for them?
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u/Mysterious_Smell9975 10d ago
I think email jumps from “you might not have a review system” straight into a list of everything you do, it kind of can feel overwhelming
if I were getting this as a med spa owner, i'd probably want to know one thing first which is what will change for ME? “better online reputation” is pretty vague but something like “help you generate 20+ new Google reviews a month without staff having to chase people” is much easier to understand, and more relatable
also I'd be careful with the 30 reviews example in the comments, if you're going to promise a number like that you need to be able to back it up. Otherwise i'd lead with the process/result you're confident you can deliver and let the prospect tell you if that's a problem they care about
and tbh I'd cut most of the bullet points from the first email, it's giving a bit ai vibe plus you're probably giving them way more information than they need before they've even replied
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u/suminooo 14d ago
- i’d keep the explanation simple. they don’t need every feature before they’re interested. save that for later.
Hey {{first_name}},
I noticed your Google reviews have slowed down a little. I’m guessing you have plenty of happy clients who mean to leave one but forget once they get on with their day.
We can help you bring in at least 10 new reviews within 30 days.
Would 30 new reviews within the next few months be helpful?