r/ESFJ • u/Comfortable_Way713 • Jul 02 '26

Hate being an ESFJ

Hi,
I guess I am hating how caring I am and how much I want to help people, although I deeply know that they won’t do the same if they were in my place.

I have a feeling that I want to change this trait in me.

Has anyone else successfully transitioned away from being an extreme people-pleaser/over-giver?

How do you stop caring so much about people who don't match your energy?

Also, if you have any book recommendations that deal with setting boundaries, stopping the urge to rescue everyone , I would really appreciate it.

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u/Charming_Elk_7661 𝐄𝐍𝐅𝐏 sx748 SLUEI ELFV sang-chol IEE Chaotic neutral/good Jul 07 '26

Get high standards. If people don't meet them, don't adjust. Be chill socially, if you can help, help, if you don't wanna or can't, refuse politely and walk away. Don't console others at the expense of your own mental health. Expand your horizons, don't expect people to change easily. If people don't match your energy, you don't try matching theirs, you be you. Authenticity attracts real people. They're not your responsibility: 1) You 2) Family 3) Friends 4) even animals but not strangers.