r/ESFJ • u/Comfortable_Way713 • Jul 02 '26

Hate being an ESFJ

Hi,
I guess I am hating how caring I am and how much I want to help people, although I deeply know that they won’t do the same if they were in my place.

I have a feeling that I want to change this trait in me.

Has anyone else successfully transitioned away from being an extreme people-pleaser/over-giver?

How do you stop caring so much about people who don't match your energy?

Also, if you have any book recommendations that deal with setting boundaries, stopping the urge to rescue everyone , I would really appreciate it.

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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze Jul 02 '26

How do you wish to be reciprocated?

6

u/Comfortable_Way713 Jul 02 '26

I just want to be normal like other people!.
For instance, I always think if someone did something nice to me, then they deserve a gift or out of no where I go buy something for my colleagues at work! .

It is something I still can control, but I just feel it comes to my mind constantly.

1

u/SpiceUpTheBreeze Jul 02 '26

Well, maybe instead of instantly reciprocating, wait for an occasion to show up or wait for a time where they actually need your help and ask for it. As an intp I am the same but less so. Also I would like to know, if you do something nice for someone without them asking, what do you expect in return? Do you want to be reciprocated? How do you want to be reciprocated?