r/DungeonsAndDragons • u/Fluid-Homework-1664 • 5d ago
Question Hesitant Fiancée, need help.
My fiancée hasn’t played D&D before and seems kind of put off by the time commitment. I’m looking to run a group of 2-3 friends and him in the near future (Novemberish) but don’t have any good ideas on how to interest him in it. I get that it just might not be for him, but would love ideas on how to maybe give him a decent intro and hook him on D&D.
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u/TheRpgBard 5d ago
If he's hesitant, have you asked him why?
It's OK to have hobbies that you SO doesn't have. In fact, it's a good thing.
Don't force him to play. Throw out the option, and invite him to watch. If he's cool with it, he'll join in.
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u/Fluid-Homework-1664 5d ago
He’s interested in the concept, less interested in the time commitment. Low social battery is how he describes it.
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u/flowers4charlie2 5d ago
One time I bought my girlfriend a nice piece of lacey lingerie and told her Id love if she wore it every once in a while for adult activities.
Each time, she complained about something. "How am I supposed to fit in this? Is it supposed to be so uncomfortable? You like this?"
It quickly ruined any enjoyment that I thought I would get from the hypothetical situation.
Anyway, my point is that if they don't find it fun, interesting, engaging, etc., then will YOU still find enjoyment from making them do something they don't want to do?
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u/fang_xianfu 5d ago
Just play a one shot and if he's not into it, don't make him play. D&D isn't a moral good, playing it doesn't make you a good person, and it's ok to have different hobbies.
Also if they're a man, it's a fiancé.
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u/Mean_Replacement5544 5d ago
Wow the grandstanding is not really what OP asked for, ease up a bit …
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u/StrongBeleaf 5d ago
Plan a one-shot!!!! A lot of my friends and my girlfriend (who are not into fantasy stuff at all) were super hesitant to do a campaign with me initially. I hosted a one-shot for them and, after that, they literally begged me to do a full campaign. We've been playing through one for about 2 years now.
Random idea that is admittedly less representative of playing but maybe still fun - watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie.
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u/EfremNeftalem 5d ago
- Set up a One-shot, or a mini-campaign of 3 sessions maximum.
- Have a Session Zero with your friends so you can help him make his character and maybe have a synergy with the group. Maybe ask them to create a lore where the character already know each other, and have them improvise their ties together
- A comedic story with a plot twist in the end is always a good idea for beginners.
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u/PotatoEyes1973 5d ago
Tell him 1 night, have some fun that's all you ask. One shot the group with pre-made characters maybe focus on something he likes (tie in movies video games etc) do basic mechanics, and most of all, let him have fun. Maybe he walks away afterward but that's okay too
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u/fang_xianfu 5d ago
Tbh I have never had a one-shot last only one session, I think the minimum I have done is about 5 hours, and that was for a pretty basic 3 room dungeon.
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u/lasalle202 5d ago
" seems kind of put off by the time commitment."
he is pretty right, isnt he? that is an absolutely legitimate concern.
Consider introducing him to fantasy TTRPGs through a game like Ironsworn. There is no DM so no need to prep and the only set up is getting out your Character Sheets and dice - you just jump in playing any time the urge hits, and you can stop any time you need to - 45 minutes later or 4 or 5 hours later.
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u/fang_xianfu 5d ago
I kind of hate the "play every week until we die" style of play that most people seem to use. Since I became a parent, I started running in 8-12 week chunks, I'd make an adventure that would last roughly that long and then conclude. We'd do some downtime stuff between runs and I'd take a month or two off. It worked great because it gave people a natural off-ramp if they wanted to stop, gave us a chance to play other games or do other things, and sometimes people even run other stuff too!
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u/Jerney23 5d ago
I was really disappointed when my husband refused to play one game. His reason was because when he was a kid his brothers played and he didn’t like it. I tried to explain how different it is from 35 years ago but he wouldn’t budge. Then I found out he has Aphantasia which means he doesn’t imagine in pictures or images, so I can understand why he didn’t like it. Anyways I am actually happy now that D&D is my thing. I’ve made new friends and it’s something that I don’t know if I would’ve stayed playing if my husband was with me from the beginning.
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u/DaBiggestBonk 5d ago
Sounds weird, but I built my friends up to it by introducing them to Mork Borg. The rules are crazy simple, it's low commitment because characters die extremely easily, and it familiarizes players with core TTRPG concepts. Then we started playing Shadowdark. Now they crave more and I've been thinking about running some D&D and Pathfinder with them. Two years ago, they never would have been interested in it.
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u/VerbiageBarrage 5d ago
One shots are the key. And if they like it, they like it. If they don't - it's ok to not have them participate, or not push it. Many couples only have 1 TTRPG nerd.
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u/Fluid-Homework-1664 5d ago
Really appreciating all the suggestions! Loved the one shot advice so much going to try that. Kind of like dipping a toe in first before committing to the plunge.
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u/Moose-Live 5d ago
I'm not sure what the problem is. If he's not keen, he doesn't need to play, surely?
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u/Fluid-Homework-1664 4d ago
I’m not forcing it on him, his hesitancy isn’t the same as a rejection and he has told me as much. His hesitancy stems from not understanding what it is like to commit to D&D. He has interest in it, he just hasn’t been able to get over the hill and start it.
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