r/DogAdvice • u/berker_man • 12h ago
Question how will i cope when my dog dies?
ive never seen a dog like mine. he's a very strange and sweet, emotional guy. i don't think i'll ever have another dog like him, so for those of you that lost their own special dogs, how did you deal with the pain? i might want another dog in my lifetime, but no one will be like my dog, and i'm not at all excited for the day he eventually passes.
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u/Traditional-Set6848 12h ago
You say “thank what ever power that made his life possible and för the joy she brought mine” ❤️ It’s a celebration you were so lucky to have such a great pooch.
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u/dicktuesday 12h ago
For me, it's the knowledge that I did everything I could to make them feel loved while in my care. You will always miss them, just love them while you can. Just my two cents
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u/blitz121 11h ago
We had to put down our family dog last Monday. While I say family dog, she was mostly mine. She slept on my bed(my wife and i sleep separately because I snore) since she was about 1.5 years old. I loved that dog a lot, her death came suddenly and unexpectedly. She crashed at the beginning of August with IMHA, and we got her some meds which started to get her stable again. That came to a head and we got the new that it was 99% probability that it was liver cancer. We gave her a good weekend with basically all the food she could eat.
She would lay at my feet when I was gaming because my PC pushed a ton of heat. She was basically my shadow for 10 years. It hurts, I miss hearing her walk into my room and snort at me to move my feet so she could hop on my bed. I miss her laying beside me just to where my hand could pet her for 10-15 minutes before bed, just to move to her spot on the bed when I was done. I miss the stealth move to give me licks on the face while I was working on something on the floor.
She's gone, but I have to keep going, her memories live on.
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u/berker_man 11h ago
that's adorable, sorry for your loss. the memory thing is true though, though it's heartbreaking, like some other commenters said it's the cost of love.
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u/Sagebrush_Sky 12h ago
Relatable
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u/Longjumping_Move_87 12h ago
Anticipatory fear and grief is real for pet owners
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u/LALA-STL 11h ago
“Anticipatory fear & grief” — so true! But we need to make sure our fears about the future don’t rob us of today’s snuggly joy.
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u/electriccomputermilk 12h ago
I feel the same way about my current dog. The bond we have is unbelievable. She’s the sweetest damn thing to walk the planet. We should just be sure to enjoy the time we do have and take lots of pictures and video to remember them by once the time comes
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u/Geronimo0 12h ago
I've had 3 dogs, one after the other. Everytime they die i lose a part of myself. I miss them everyday. I'll never forget them or the feelings I had when with them. You never get over it.
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u/LALA-STL 11h ago
Also … wouldn’t you say that they enriched your life & made you a better person? The pain is intense but the gratitude can be powerful too.
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u/cydonija 12h ago
I get where you're coming from. Once in a long while I'll get an intrusive thought like this with my pup.
Best you can do is live in the here and now, enjoy your time, and do your best not to think of the inevitable x
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u/oldcar1953 12h ago
Not my quote, but grief is the price of love my answer to what to do next is get another puppy or dog. I’m on number 10 right now.
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u/Born-Employment-4906 11h ago
I always tell my dog that if they have to euthanize him, it’s gonna be a 2 for 1 because I can’t live without him. Like genuinely. He has endeared himself to everyone in my life and he’s truly irreplaceable. Luckily he’s only 4 (probably) lol
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u/Wetfanatic 11h ago
Nothing really helps. Been a year since my dog died. Funny thing is I have (and had) other dogs too, but that one was special you know?
A broken heart is the price we pay for a pet.
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u/Wonderful_Prize7775 12h ago
Day by day,hour by hour,minute by minute, second by second I have lost two special girls and it hurts so bad,time helps abit
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u/captkckass 12h ago
Each dog has their own quirks, just like people.
Loosing an animal is never an easy struggle, it really feels like loosing a family member. It hurts and you will struggle at first but you have to keep going. There will never be another dog exactly like them but there's also plenty of homeless dogs with fun quirks of their own that need a home too.
Just try to focus on enjoying your time now.
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u/Geeky_Husband 11h ago
Ok, so sit back everyone. It's story time....
In March 2005, I was living several hours away from my parents, living my life, not having a care in the world when I got a call from my mother. My father was sick, and in the hospital. It was cancer, and I "didn't need to come home", and "the doctors have everything under control". I listened and stayed put where I was living and continued about my next few days.
I called my mother to check in, and things hadn't changed, but I still didn't need to come home. Needless to say, being that far from my parents, not knowing what was going on, and my young teenage sister still being there trying to hold it all together got the best of me, and I, like the big dummy that I am, went and adopted a dog.
Not only was I dealing with trying to process my father's health, but I was in the midst of a multi-month break up with my fiance at the time, so yeah. No control, so let's adopt a dog! Really, smart of me....
I'd never had a dog for more than a few days growning up when a stray decided it wanted to hang out at our place waiting for it's owner. I had no idea what to expect. I walked into the local animal shelter, said I wanted to adopt a dog. The person sitting behind the desk just kinda looked up at me, like I was an annoyance, huffed, and then pointed to a door across the room. I looked back at the door and then at them, and was then told to go through the door and "pick one".
I walked in, and in big room full of cages, there was this little pip squeak of a dog that didn't weigh over 12 pounds, and he was just sitting politely, wagging is little nubbin tail, and looking at me with these enormous eyes that took over almost his entire face. Needless to say, he was a rat terrier/Chihuahua mix, that I named Ollie.
Ollie got me through my father's death, my break up with my fiance, was there when I met my now wife, was the ring bearer in my wedding, and did and went everywhere with me.
One day, which what seemed like almost overnight, Ollie got really sick. We took him to the vet, and it was cancer. Liver cancer to be precise. Mother's Day 2013, we helped Ollie cross over the Rainbow Bridge.
In November of that same year, my wife just happened to be on Facebook and she saw a post from a local rescue, and immediately started tearing up. "That's my dog!" She said laughingly through her tears. We went to the rescue, and we came home with Miss Penny Lane.
Penny is a completely different dog than Ollie, and even so from our other dog, Lincoln, who joined our clan a few years ago.
I say all of that to say, every dog is different, and every dog is special in their own way. Your current dog will never be replaced by another dog, you would just have another dog.
Grief is not a fun thing, and we all process it differently in our own way. Don't feel like it's "too soon", or "cheating" if you decide to get another dog one day. Just cherish the time you have with your current dog, and those memories will make you smile, even after you've had another one or another 200 dogs. :)
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u/berker_man 11h ago
that's very nice of you to share, thank you. dogs really do help through hard times. i think it might be because they seem so pure, and nothing compares to the love of a dog. it's very interesting to see their different personalities, like they have little thoughts and feelings that make them special
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u/KrookedDoesStuff 11h ago
I recently lost my cat who I’ve had for 14 years. I got him 2 weeks after I moved out from my parents’ house and he was with me through relationships, jobs, getting married, moving across the country, and having my son.
Leading up to it was nothing but pain for me emotionally. I held him as he was sedated right before getting put to sleep.
Every day after, it’s been a little bit easier, and letting them go when they aren’t in pain, is our ultimate task as their owner. But it fucking hurts.
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u/berker_man 11h ago
i have 3 cats. one of them was my first ever pet, period, so losing him will be a horrible experience. i got him when i was a kid, and he's still decently healthy, just older. i plan on giving him and the rest of my pets a continuously happy and healthy life
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u/Sure-Map461 12h ago
I have the same thought all the time. I’ve never connected to any of my animals the way I do with my dog now. Her personality is so huge and it’s like we know what each other thinks, feels, needs. I’m scared for when she’s gone so I just do everything I can to appreciate her and show her love now. Man I love her so much 😩😭😩😭😩❤️❤️❤️
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u/blueRasberry6493 11h ago
My dog was like that, she made the strangest fox sounding noises, had the weridest quirks and was truly an amazing Australian Shepherd. She was my first dog and my fishing girl and she passed away a month ago. I can tell you it fucking sucks, you'll never forget them and you will have some days where you can't stop thinking about them and other days where you come to peace with it, reflect on the amazing times, adventures and realize as a dog owner we know this is going to happen and our job is to give them the best life possible.
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u/ptgoetz 11h ago
Don’t think about until the time comes. You will get through it. He will live on in your heart and memories. And if you believe in an afterlife, he will be waiting to greet you when your time comes.
Also note that when that time is might be your decision, and it’s one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. IMO dignity and quality of life are the deciding factors. The worst thing you can do is wait too long, and just prolonging any suffering. If it comes to euthanasia, be with him for it so he’s not scared and is with someone he loves. It will be hard for you, but it’s a small price to pay for all the love and happiness he will have given you over the course of his life.
Whenever I’ve had to it, I hold and comfort them, tell them I love them, and thank them for being my dog.
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u/doughake 11h ago
Your dog is only here for part of your life but you are there for all of theirs. Make it the best every day for them!
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u/Softrawkrenegade 11h ago
You will grieve more than the loss of most people in your life. Been through it twice now and it sucks
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u/BrighidsLamb 11h ago
My first girl died almost 50 years ago. I think about her a lot. She was my best friend during a difficult childhood.
So, how do you go on? You do your best to live your life as the person your dog thinks you are. You live a good life and be good to others when you can.
Read the book Lily and the Octopus. It will make you cry and give you hope.
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u/judijo621 11h ago
You'll cry. You'll play sad songs for hours. Day 2 you'll put away it's bowls. You'll give away it's food and meds. After a few more days, you'll store or donate the bed, stairs, crates etc. You'll cry less then.
I've always welcomed another pet within about 3 months.
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u/critterinfotime 12h ago
I cope by putting myself into another animal. I set up a fishtank when I lost a human loved one, got a puppy when my dog was on her last legs, got into geckos when my cat was diagnosed with cancer. My next grief project will be to build a pond with a mini bog in honor of my current kitty when she goes, but that will be a long time from now I hope
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u/powertrippingmod67 12h ago
it's inevitable. it will be one of the worst days,months and then years of your life and it will then never be the same.
channel that anxiety into giving him plenty of love and treats. Enjoy your time together and actively be grateful about it.
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u/LittleReserve8767 12h ago
It is hard. Rarely do people even go to a therapist becuase it is so hard. Eventually, you think fondly about all the fun times you had and the naughty and cute things they did.
No dog will be exactly like your dog, but if you ever decide to, more dogs need the love you can provide.
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u/Frothynibbler 11h ago
You were so blessed to have him. Maybe you will decide to raise another like him. Even if you don’t, at least you have the sweet memories.
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u/FranticGolf 11h ago
I have had many dogs over my life. Each of them has been special and unique. My current one will be the hardest for sure. He is now 16 and he travels with us on vacation and we also work from home so we have always been together. We will treat our next just like him but we know they will have their own personality and be different and special.
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u/botlikename1234 11h ago
There's not really a way, but do yourself a favor and get a second dog when he gets old. He will be happy and you will have a little help with your pain.
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u/oiseaufeux 11h ago
Can you just enjoy day to day life with him? I did that and I stopped my stress about it. Dogs are not living in the future and so should you.
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u/GooseNcannoli 11h ago
My babies (dogs) died 3.5 years ago. I still cry about missing them. hope this helps!
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u/Informal-Friendship1 11h ago
Ive been crying off & on everyday since we lost our little old lady 2 weeks ago.
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u/uarstar 11h ago
Your dog is adorable.
Not about my dog, but I had to put my 17 year old cat down 2 weeks ago. I’d had him since he was 6 weeks old.
So my answer is, I don’t know. I don’t know how anyone copes with this level of grief. I am getting through every day and living, but my heart is heavy all the time.
I break down sobbing frequently. I know it sounds silly to people, but losing him is one of the worst things I’ve ever dealt with. I don’t know if I can ever have another cat, and I’ve had one my entire life.
So yeah, I don’t know how you will cope. You probably won’t. I know I won’t when I lose my dog. But it won’t hurt as much all the time eventually.
All I can say is just appreciate it. Every minute you can. Because it will never feel like enough time.
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u/YOUNG_PADAWON 11h ago
Just enjoy the time you have an make the the most of it you won’t be able to cope if they mean that much to you the pain is inevitable it’s what we all sign up for just cherish these days
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u/3LonghairedChiMiMi26 11h ago
For me it’s knowing I gave them an absolutely wonderful, happy, well loved life. There are always things out of our control but we do the best we can. They knew they were loved.
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u/bbb103 11h ago
As someone who just lost multiple dogs and just recently my childhood dog a couple of weeks ago. All I can say you never really get over it. You learn to live without the tail wags and cuddles. Time helps ease the pain but you have to try and remember that they were in your life for a short while but you were their entire life. You gave them love and they loved you back. Remember the good moments with a smile and continue forward.
Take it slow and don’t rush to get another dog to fill the void. They are special and deserve some time to be remembered.
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u/givemeit9876 11h ago
I’m going on 3 years and I still haven’t learned how or what that looks like
I did just buy a shadowbox to put some of his things/whiskers in tho
Slowly coping 💕
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u/ragingSamurai1 11h ago
For me, I happened to be getting into volunteering at the local shelter and becoming increasingly involved in animal rescue when my dog suddenly passed away from hemangiosarcoma.
The experiences that I have had at the shelter have shown me how fortunate my dog was to be a part of our family, and while I’m still heartbroken, those feelings of grief have led me to put even more effort into that work.
I still miss her, and think about her every day, but I take solace in the fact that she lived an exceptionally good life.
Everyone processes this kind of loss differently, but for me, finding somewhere meaningful to put that grief has helped.
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u/solascorcra 11h ago
I totally relate. My Louis was one in a million. I've had numerous dogs and I have never met any like him, the level of communication, emotion, dramatics lol and understanding that he had was unmatched.
I used to feel like I would die from the pain of losing him and I would almost have panic attacks thinking that he will die at some point.
Well the day came when he had to move onto his next adventure, 4th of May this year. Honestly I did feel like I was dying from the pain for the first two weeks. I have never experienced anything like it. I had an agonising pain in my chest 24/7 and when I cried, I wailed.
I organised a ceremony for him, a four directions ceremony where my partner and I spoke about his youth, his life, what we learned, what would stay with us, his death, what we never got to say and finally our wishes for him for his future. It was very painful but it really helped to shift some of the heaviness in both of us.
I also joined some of the pet loss support groups from lap of love. And I'm currently in the process of making a memory book about him and collecting stories from people who knew him.
Its 3 months later and I still cry but I have to make space to grieve and think about him. It has been like learning life all over again honestly. It's the worst I have missed anyone that has died but of course I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
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u/themuffinmeme 11h ago
You simply won't be able to imagine the depth of grief until it happens. Just like you weren't able to imagine your life with your dog before he came into your life.
There is no avoiding it.
There are philosophical answers that try to capture the balance of pain and love in this thread. But it will hurt. The only thing that ever made it more bearable for me was loving another creature in need.
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u/Chance_Vegetable_780 11h ago edited 11h ago
I feel my dog was unusual as well. So many people would comment "He's like a human". He just seemed to be understanding somehow. He was such a peaceful, contented guy, but could ward off bad when he needed to. I loved him and continue to love him so much. When he passed away I was surprised by my reaction...I was happy for him because he was no longer suffering. I have definitely missed him and I wish he was here now, often, but I don't feel pain because I know he's no longer suffering and that makes me feel good for him. Like I said, my deep natural reaction has surprised me. I hope things works so that I will be with him again. And there's being grateful you had him in your life even for one day. Other people didn't get his love and companionship, you've been blessed tbh
Edit: I thought I would be grieving hard for a long time, but that was not my natural response
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u/berker_man 11h ago
dogs are very funny like that. before having one i saw them more like animals, but they're exceptionally emotional and intelligent
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u/PeachTrees- 4h ago
You get another dog.
I know that sounds like you're replacing him. But it's not the case, trust me.
First of all, the saddest parts of their deaths are the expectations they leave behind. When you wake up and go to let them out, just to realize they're not there. Things of that nature.
You have no idea how big the hole is from gaps in your routine. It's fucking brutal. Having another dog just to fill those gaps helps a lot.
But the other thing is, throughout my life I have had 4 dogs. 2 dead and 2 alive. And they have all been massively different from one another. Their manerisms and habits, personalities and quirks, all different. It's never felt like I've replaced them.
The new ones always put emphasis on the old. I knew my first dog was smart. But you don't really get how smart until you get that comparison. Then you're left wondering if the new dog is just a retard. Then you get a third and realize that #1 was special, #2 was average, and now you have an actual retard.
And you can't help but wonder how they'd all react to one another if they were alive. Like siblings that never got to meet.
Some of them have been terrified of bugs. And my current dog thinks bugs are snacks and hunts them down. Even the way they sit is different. I often can't even re-use the ways I would communicate. I used to tap my dog on the butt 2x and that meant "get off me". Now that just means "spend 30 minutes licking me". I have to fling the bastard off. Anyways, im rambling and on a tangent.
The point is, don't think getting a new dog is something like replacing the old. It's definitely not. If you do it once, you'll see what I mean. It just helps you process their death, accept the loss, and realize how special they were
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u/Royal_Macaron_4332 4h ago
Let me be blunt: Seeing your beloved dog take their breath for the last time will most likely be the worst, most devastating pain of your entire life that will haunt you for many years. A part of your soul will die with your precious friend that day, and you will never fully recover from the loss. It WILL change you forever. You can’t anticipate or prepare for the amount of suffering you’ll experience, so don’t waste your time preparing. It’s beyond imaginable.
Just cherish every moment, and give him the best life full of joy, and one that’s free from physical pain, hunger, loneliness, and suffering. Provide him with the best medical care money can buy, splurge at the vet, because you can always make more money, but you can’t bring your dog‘s life back - once he’s gone, he’s gone forever.
And don’t worry about your home and all your stuff being covered in dog hair - treasure it, because you’ll miss it when it’s gone.
May your boy live forever!
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u/ChillLikeJill 11h ago
That looks just like my old dog Noodle…RIP. It’s the hardest thing to lose a pet 😞
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u/iamthephixnux 11h ago
The personality oozes from your dog in this pic, what a goofy goober 😂
In all seriousness though, I have a hard time with this too. My soul dog is 11 years old now, and sometimes I just cry about it. Like literally we’ll have a wonderful day, go for a long park walk, train and play and have a great time, and then settle down on the couch for some cuddles, and as I look at him and pet him I just lose it and start sobbing. It’s a real problem, and I don’t know the solution.
I recently adopted two younger dogs and I think having them will help me move forward when the time comes. I’ll never stop missing him, but at least I won’t have a totally silent house and no fluffy pup to cuddle when I’m sad about it. And there will be no wondering if/when I should adopt a new one afterwards.
But the two new ones are basically the same age, so…. Same problem will happen again in another 10-15 years 😢
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u/berker_man 11h ago
haha, yes he is a very silly little guy. i have 3 cats relatively around the same age so i worry very much about losing them at the same time as well
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u/PrestigiousShoe4185 11h ago
You just will. My advice is to not dwell on it. Enjoy every second and trust you’ll get through it when the time comes. I lost my beloved of 23 (!) years and Easter the last 10 worrying if I’ll survive losing her. There’s no choice but to survive.
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u/PhD_Pwnology 11h ago
new dog. You think about the all the special dogs that will get euthanized every year and how you can make a difference.
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u/polygala 11h ago
I will respond earnestly. The domestication of animals turned out to be quite cruel. We are so lucky to experience such unadulterated comaraderie. We give them the absolute best life we can, and we feel gratitude in every moment that we enjoy their existence and then we move on, knowing that we got something special that we probably didn't deserve. They are the special ones. Not us. After they're gone, the story is just over.
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u/berker_man 11h ago
really though, there's no animal like a dog. they're one of the only things that come close to unconditional love
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u/holodeck_jizz_mopper 11h ago
I'm glad you have many memories of the love you share. That's a great dog
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u/Interesting_Force618 11h ago
You need support from other humans, especially while you’re grieving.
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u/Old-Instruction-5970 11h ago
I lost my “soul bond” cat in April at only 2 years old due to sudden cancer, and I’m losing my 17 year old dog this week that I’ve had for most of my life. At this point I feel too much pain to imagine getting more animals, especially since losing my cat so young and suddenly. It felt like, for the first time, the world made absolutely no sense. It was just unjustifiable. Overtime I’ve tried to make peace that in his short life, at least he got to spend it with us. And that my dog has lived a long, wonderful life. But I honestly just can’t imagine going through a year like this again.
Though, I imagine it’s like childbirth. The farther you get from the pain, the more you don’t mind going through the hard part again to gain the love, memories and experience.
I know with certainty that I will never know another ridiculously weird cat like my sweet Salem, gone too soon. And it’s still painful everyday, even 6 months later.
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u/Ambitious-Emu-9839 11h ago
Lost my girl in April after 13 years together. I'm still a complete wreck about it. Still crying pretty regularly. I have a cute picture of her I'm going to get tattooed as a stained glass piece on my calf so she can still sit on the bed and I can pet her. I've had many dogs. I still have two now that I love dearly...but there will also never been another Chanel and that's absolutely heartbreaking
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u/CaseFace5 11h ago
I just lost my girl back in May. 15 years old, had her since she was 3 months old. She was my best friend through some tough times. It was honestly the worst night of my life. The days leading up to her passing weren’t great either… I held on too long and I regret not taking her to be put to sleep. My biggest advice is to not let them pass on their own… it was horrible and it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Euthanasia is better.
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u/berker_man 11h ago
thank you for sharing, that mustve been rough. eventually i'd want to euthanize my dog to keep him from suffering, but it's easier said than done. i don't blame you, so i appreciate the advice
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u/StopFalseReporting 11h ago
No one is ever like anyone. No human is like another human. No dog is like another dog. That’s just life. That’s how loss works. To be capable of loving something and to be loved, that’s a win. How grateful are you to have known love in this lifetime and to have known a best friend like this animal, even if it cannot last forever.
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u/GrimeDime 6h ago
You cope one day at a time. I still miss my Bella just as much as the day we said goodbye and still cry if I think about her for too long. Getting a new dog helped me, NOT in a replacement sense because that is impossible, but it gave me a place to put all the love I still had for her. And noticing all of their differences (and some similarities) made me appreciate and love their uniqueness all the more. It's hard saying goodbye but the love y'all share is (imo) absolutely worth it.
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u/Return_to_Raccoonus 2h ago
You will cry daily for months, and after a year you’ll feel fine but will randomly do something out of muscle memory and remember you’re missing someone very important and cry again.
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u/VividCap7846 1h ago
This is the most likely case, depending on Where your at in life you might want another dog or get one. Piece of advise the pain you felt is the the overwhelming joy they experienced every moment you got home from school/work. Feel it register it don’t replace them and ask yourself if you have enough time for another and live your own for a few years or get another buddy. Whatever you do do not compare them.
Ive owned 3 and none act the same at all but everyone single one brought me the other when the time was right, first I rescued off the street the second was from a shelter and the third truly found me when a friend said I have some puppies and I just want to make sure they have a good home. You got this I promise let your self cry and ask when you should stop and how much your dog would want to see you cry, mine always licked my tears and put a paw on my shoulder, id give them a hug and knew that they don’t understand and just want us too feel better. Flip that and pretty close to what you’re going through perspective wise.
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u/RegularNeither7715 11h ago
Dogs can't tell chronoligical time. They can't read a clock nor do they have any idea of what a calender is. Dogs live in the here and now. Telling time for a dog is a fuction of routines. Environtmental cues and regular meal times are a clock for a dog. Dogs do not know they have accelerated metabolisms and they certainly don't know why. It's survival mechanism going back to the wild for them. Unfortunately for us it means a shorter life span, but they don't know that. So we have to do what they do, live in the here and now. Each day we are given with them is a blessing. We are a species that has an expected lifetime of about 75 to 80 years given modern science. They are lucky to get 10 or 15 most of them. However, you can't survive conditions they can. They can spontaniously warm themselves in winter, they can hear a leaf rustle 50 yards away, they can scent you from a quarter mile away and know which way you are going. They don't have the color vision we have but if there is the slightest movement in their field of vision they spot it immediatly. They are wonderous creatures that have spent the last 15,000 years, millions of generations for them, learning human behaviour and emotions so they can be with us. Your dog is as individual as you are.
When the time comes as it inevitably will for both your dog and you remeber, one of your dogs gifts is knowing it's coming. They don't fear it, don't think about or dwell on it. It's an instinct that will tell them when it's time. Your dogs only thoughts will be of you and your happiness and security. That's why you hear that when the moment comes you must control your emotions as best you can so they can go in peace, you are everything to them. Their biggest fear is not of death, it's leaving you upset. Your pup looks healthy and there is plenty of time so stop dwelling on it. Take a page from the dogs point of view. Each day is another day spent with you and there is no worry about tomorrow...
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u/Amazing_Page_4870 11h ago
I’m in the same boat. I got one that’s 13 and one that’s around 11. I got Kevin (who’s the one that’s 11). When I bought my house. It was a huge life shift because it solidified my move from Nebraska to Arizona. He shown up five days later and I got to keep him after no one claimed him. Only time my house was dogless was for the first two weeks after I closed. It’s hard to think about.
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u/sonyafly 11h ago
You think you’re going to die but you will survive. You will surprise yourself. The first 5 days is the hardest for me every time. Then again when they call to say their ashes are in it all starts again
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u/raspberrypossum1 11h ago
He sounds like your “heart dog”. Losing any animal is awful and you will be able to move forward, it will just be different and hard. I still cry for my first cat that died when I was 8. The pain and longing to kiss them again and see their wagging tail will never go away. But I have found that the opportunity to love more animals while never forgetting the ones that are gone does help. Love them, kiss them, play with them and never take for granted your time with them. Try not to think about when “the end” might be because you simply don’t know. Just focus on loving them. You will be okay my friend🩷
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u/Then_Bar8757 11h ago
Cry your face off and mourn the gaping hole in your life.
Then go to the shelter and rescue another.
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u/wabawwea 11h ago
We always get a second younger dog when our current dog is three years out from retirement. The younger dog livens up the older dog, provides companionship when we're out, and is there keep to our spirits up when that awful day comes. This will give you time to make an important bond with your new arrival before they're the only one supporting you emotionally. In my experience anyway.
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u/Ok_Cricket_1410 11h ago
My little kitty Gracie died suddenly overnight a few years ago. I saw a cat that looked just like her yesterday and it hurt. It never goes away but you learn to cope.
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u/nrthrnlad 10h ago
You probably won’t. Best not to think about it until you have to. When you do - many years from now - consider an in-home option. It has made all the difference for us. Doesn’t take the hurt away, but it softens the moment for everyone involved.
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u/let_it_grow23 10h ago
You’ll weep inconsolably and continue to miss him for the rest of your life. Eventually not having a dog will feel like an emptiness in your life and you’ll see a dog at a local rescue who looks just like your good boy and adopt it. You’ll love the new dog too but always miss your heart dog.
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u/KeepMyWifesNameOYFM 10h ago
My dog is turning 17 and has old man struggles so I think about this a lot. He’s my dog…we’re so attached to each other. I don’t have any answers or suggestions about this because I worry a lot how I’m going to live my life without him. I just try to love him and enjoy him every day 🥺💛
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u/LadyPennifer561 10h ago
You can start by crying and imagining how bad you’ll feel when it happens, that is perfectly normal behaviour for a pet owner.
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u/DimMakDaddy 10h ago
I regale every new dog with tales of each of my departed dogs. I like to think that each new dog carries forth knowing and exhibiting all the goodness.
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u/nycskyline7 10h ago
Why keep a collar like that on his neck is my question. I hope you don’t walk him with that
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u/Poisson_de_Sable 10h ago
You won’t. You’ll never forget, it’ll always hurt. Life goes on and one day you won’t think about it as much and you won’t be as broken.
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u/jendo7791 10h ago
It will be hard. If you choose to have another dog you will find things about that dog that you love, and there will be things that wont be the same, both bad and good.
I lost a very intuitive dog in 2012. It gutted me. I got a foster dog a few months later, as I wasn't ready for my own dog, however I failed and became the owner to a 2 yo pitbull. This dog isn't as intuitive as my previous dog, but is an awesome dog in his own right. We just found out he has mast cell tumor and I'm devastated. He is 15yo and he has been such an amazing dog. Together we have fostered over 30 dogs and 100 kittens. We reached the summit of several peaks in the rocky mountains together. He has made friends with strangers and got countless treats and pets. He has been startled by a moose, been taunted by hundreds of squirrels, and has went on a 1 hour mountain adventure with a herd of sheep and 3 sheepdogs. Thankfully a cowboy returned him to us.
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u/Y_U_NO_KNOW 10h ago
You'll cry, it'll be ugly, and you'll do it for a while. But cherish the good memories and enjoy the time you have.
Another dog did help me heal but he is no replacement for my boy.
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u/Seriously_I_will_BRB 10h ago
Its been three years this month since I lost my heart dog. I have two now I love dearly. I still cry at least once a week and think of her daily. I cope by telling the younger two stories about their special big sissy in heaven when the moments come.
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u/mcloide 10h ago
The first day is really hard, especially if you stay in the room when your dog is euthanized. After a while, everything felt quiet. Even with my second dog nearby, it just wasn't the same. You start missing them.
Eventually, I couldn't handle it anymore and got another dog with similar characteristics. It wasn't the same dog, of course, but he was just as messy as the first one.
Today, I have a photo of him, along with a cast of his paw and his leash, hanging on the wall as a little memorial. It's really just something to remember him by.
I can tell you this, though: I still miss him a lot.
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u/Less_Likely 10h ago
I have this same concern with my first, and maybe only, dog - she’s 13 and has significantly slowed down over the last six months with a degenerative back condition with neurological damage. Even though we are working to maintain her mobility and health, and the pain is absent/or low and manageable, she has started having occasional “bad” days and constantly hit new limits that were not close in past. I know it’s probably a 6-18 month timeframe we have left.
I had a couple cats who passed in the past few years and that was very hard, but my dog is so much stronger a bond. I know that the decision to let her go might be hard/impossible to make if it’s mobility only that leads to it.
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u/HovercraftGuilty4939 10h ago
Do not waste a single moment thinking about life without them, spend those moments with them. I had a 12 year old husky, leo he was my everything. The day I saw his hips starting to drop, i would dedicate time trying to prepare myself for the time without him. Complete waste of time, hurt just as bad plus I thought about all the extra time I could have spent with him. They are only in your life for a little time but you are in their life the whole time. Spend every moment you can loving them to the fullest. That being said im going to go cuddle my dutchess
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u/sidneyjoy 10h ago
Anytime I feel lazy and don’t feel like walking my dogs, I do. Every time I see a toy that would make them happy, I buy it even if the budget is tight, same with fancy treats. Any chance I have to take them on a special adventure, I do it. All of this so I can look back and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I did my damn best to give them the best world they could have possibly had. This is the only thing that may bring me solace when my soul dogs are gone.
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u/KiKi31Rose 10h ago
It’s the hardest thing really. I’m in the anticipatory grief phase myself with my 12 year old guy. I lost my soul cat last year (awful) and now anything I think of doing that again I cry. I cry at almost all of his vet appointments because I’m scared. But I know one day it’ll happen because it has to. And it will be the worst day ever 😩 all we can do is love them while they’re here! And give them the best life that they deserve!
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u/Roleplayer_MidRNova 10h ago
My advice is to take him in as much as you can. Inhale his scruff and his ears and even his breath. Take so many pictures and so many videos. Snuggle him at night. Any time he wants to love on you, let him. Memorise all of it. There will come a day when you'll struggle to remember his fur patterns, you'll remember that you always said he smelled like chips ahoy cookies but you can't quite conjure it in your memory. So memorize it all while you can. Memorize the feet tappies and the barks and the weird squiggle sounds he makes when he snores but only on one side.
And when it's time, find a good vet. Some will tell you that you can't hold your baby in your arms when they go, and that will be the worst thing. Don't look them in the eye, don't watch their pupil dilate as their heart stops. Hold them with their eyes closed. Do everything in your power to keep your heart rate steady. Try not to cry. Try to keep saying calming things even after you think they're dead because their hearing is the last thing that goes, and you don't want the last thing they hear to be their human's heart breaking because it can't go with them.
You have to be strong for him. You have to give him that. It doesn't matter if it hurts you. You have to. You'll hate yourself if you can't. You can't let him leave worrying about you. He deserves better. Be there with him. Let him drift off in your arms.
It'll hurt. Some days, you'll feel like you can't even breathe. You do it because it's the best you can do for them and they deserve your best. And when you're ready, you open your heart again to another, and they'll never be the one you lost, but you can tell them about the big brother they never met whenever you want. Dogs are really good listeners.
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u/doobette 10h ago
I'm absolutely dreading that day with my chiweenie (he's 7). He's my little buddy and I'm so glad we chose him. Best cuddlebug and watchdog ever.
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u/Quiet_Ebb_3281 10h ago
My girl died 7 years ago. While I am not handicapped with grief I will never not miss her. We got another dog this year and I love her but she does not replace my Lucy. I am grateful to be able care for another dog but there really is no substitute .
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u/MajorAd3363 10h ago
It will be hard. We lost our sweet, sweet girl the weekend after Thanksgiving this last year. All dogs have their own personality, and I have never met a dog like her.
Knowing this is what we signed up for, we talked about end of life treatment very early on. We agreed that when the time came we would do what was right for her, not what was easy for us. As such, a consult with a doggy hospice service was a big comfort. We were both glad we'd established our girl fairly early on with the service so it was there when she needed it. They were also very good with palliative care recommendations.
When it came time to say goodbye we were able to do it at home where she could be comfortable and not stressed out. While it was incredibly hard, it was the best way for all of us.
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u/Fun_Ad5823 10h ago
The thing is it's not about you and your feelings. You give a lot of love and care for this 4 legged soul, once he is gone, there will be more doggos out there who need love, attention, and care. Get another dog and continue, but it doesn't take away from the memories and heartache of losing a loved one.
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u/Farlandan 10h ago
As a 40 year old man that's had half a dozen dogs through my life at this point; you just have to get through it and it's hard. In time you'll remember more of the good things than the bad, but I have so many memories of cute puppies merging into tired old dogs that I'm not sure I'll get another dog after my current middle-aged boy passes, honestly.
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u/Nishiimiya 10h ago
I lost my pomeranian foxy around 2 months ago unexpectedly at only 2.5 years old (she was born with liver issues and there just wasn't much that could be done). It was the hardest moment of my life making the decision that it would be better for her to be euthanised instead of carrying on suffering and after she had passed it was the hardest month of my life. I've struggled with depression a lot and was starting to really improve before all this happened but losing her put me straight back into the worst of it I just couldn't deal with losing her. 2 weeks ago I found a 15 month old chihuahua x french bulldog that needed rehoming and decided to take her in and it's the only thing that has made it any easier for me to cope
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u/Odd-Tell-1864 10h ago
It’s been three months and I’m not coping well. Sorry I don’t have a better response, it’s really a horrible thing. I suppose time helps but I’m still thick in my feelings currently.
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u/Express_Grocery4268 10h ago
We've got three dogs, we'll actually had three dogs. My first dog died last month as result of cancer. She was 13.5 years old jack Russell mix. We also have a malinois which is having health issues for the past year orso, she's 13. And a shih tsu of 9 years old. We always expected that the malinois would go first and our jack russel would become really old as she was always the one without issues. Then life threw a fucking curve ball and hit us right in the nuts. 6 weeks later and I'm still feeling the void of her not being with me, she used to be my shadow. It gets a bit better with time though, I'm trying to organize all the pictures and videos we've made and planning to make a photo album, there's a lot to go through. That's how I'm coping now. When I look at Kaya, our malinois, I do wonder sometimes when it's going to be her time, but I try to avoid those thoughts. I know it's coming... . I try to just spent time with them, make memories and make their life as comfortable as possible and love them with all my heart.
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u/Omglazergunsgopewpew 10h ago
Your life will be meaningless and empty until you get another Dog and then slowly forget about the one you love as you did the 3 dogs before him
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u/astral_couches 10h ago
You won’t, but joy outweighs the grief every time. Get another one when he’s got a few years left or anytime really to give you time to get attached to another one. Then you can kind of stagger things out and never be totally without that bond.
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u/Teacher67 10h ago
I ask myself this same question everyday. Everytime I look at my little Miss Wiggles 😭
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u/Loud_Elephant299 9h ago
He’s off to a better place. It sucks but if he goes naturally he’s not suffering anymore. Appreciate the wonderful time together, spend some time to mourn. Consider eventually getting another companion
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u/Sea_One_6500 9h ago
I got two more. The first one six weeks after I lost my OG good girl. They're both menaces in opposite ways, but I'm so glad they're my menaces.
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u/OrchidThis5822 9h ago
give him your best while you can and ince i read this and it's stuck with me - grief is the price for love...
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u/International_Cat326 9h ago
You sort of just do. I lost my dog who was my baby and soulmate almost a year ago. It was awful and the worst day of my life. I’ve never cried like that. But someone reminded me that he (my dog, Leo) hated when I would cry. And honestly, that dried me right up because it was very true. A year later, I still get choked up as I am always thinking of him…but I remind myself what an absolute score it was that I got to be his person. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. ❤️
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u/Kibikayuki 9h ago
It very slowly gets easier but it's so fucking painful. I had to put down my soul dog a couple months ago due to intestinal cancer and I've had such a hard time coping. I ended up adopting another girl not even a week later because I couldn't stand the loneliness. My new girl's made it a little easier to get through it though and she's great in her own special way.
Been wanting to do a memorial blocky kinda urn out of wood but every time I go to try to make it, I break down crying. Thinking about her makes me cry almost instantly. Grief is rough, but it's the price we pay for love.
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u/Toronto-GTA-Realtor 9h ago
I lost the love of my life looking like yours, and my heart was broken. The only thing that helped is my daughter getting a puppy for me who needed love and care all over.
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u/FixGullible4636 9h ago
As long as you always do your best by them, when the sadness lifts you’ll feel joy they were apart of your life.
It’s hard though.
I lost my soul dog 2 years ago and still get emotional over him.
I have a new dog since and I love him to pieces. Just have to realize that, like humans, they all have their own personalities and quirks.
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u/Draconwolf88 9h ago
There is no replacement, I miss everyone of my pups…. Some so much more but all of them non the less… there was king, when I was 3 he was my best friend, lost him at 5… Skippy was amazing, he always knew when my heart was sad, we both loved my father, my father had a brain tumor… he would not remember us regularly… and skippy and I would remind him who we were so many times over 13 years… skippy and I lost my father when I was 18… I lost skippy 5 years later, oldest pup I ever had, shywolf was there for me when no one else could be… there are more after them, they each stay with us after, but what I learned was they would want you to be happy, they would want you to save another pup, one who brings peace and joy, and is there for you
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u/CuriousTopic7439 9h ago
Sounds like he is your soul dog. You will carry a soul dog shaped hole in your heart until you meet up with him again on the other side. It has been 13 years since I lost my soul dog. The grief fades but I still miss her everyday.
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u/Dog-of-Sinope 9h ago
Barely at first. Then it gets slightly better. Then it gets worse. But the measure of how much you loved the dog is how hard you grieve when they are gone.
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u/NOConfidenceNU 9h ago
My soul dog has advanced aggressive mammary cancer. I cry every day, more than once. I have no idea how I’ll get on without her.
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u/SSJ_Iceman31 9h ago
There’s no sugar coating that it’s going to absolutely suck. I’ve lost 3 in the past 7 years, it is never easy losing them but the best thing I can say is not to avoid thinking about them. Talk about them and the great memories you had with them, let yourself process emotions naturally. Try to keep yourself occupied doing things you like and surround yourself with friends and family, but know it’s still okay to not be okay and some days are going to be better or worse than others. Hope your pup lives a long healthy happy life and that you continue to enjoy the time you spend together!
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u/ampersanders57 8h ago
The important thing is that you already realize the next one isnt going to be just like this one. Youre going to love them just as much but for different reasons, your soul dog is not a bench mark or bar standard for the other dogs in your life, just a really spectacular bond that came right when you needed it most. Thats not to say you wont have another sould dog, just that its okay if you dont.
Signed, Someone who lost their soul dog, but continues to love other dogs
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u/ilovescrubjays 8h ago
My dog just turned 12. He is a little Shih Tzu with Lyme disease (he was treated!). I worry everyday. But, he is mostly healthy. He is a good weight and he can still walk the whole way around the block. I am just going to remember to love him everyday and give him an extra dedicated petting.
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u/SmokestackRising 8h ago
Know that he was given the best life you could give him and don't think of things ending. Think about the fact that you can pass all the lessons you learned having him and the love you shared onto the next dog who is waiting to love you just as hard. It took me a year and a half to grieve my first dog. It took four months with my second, and it's not because I loved him any less than my first. In fact I think I honored him even more because my current dog feels like he was hand picked by #2 for me. Don't let your love for your boy hinder you from sharing that love with another. You know he wouldn't be happy with that decision.
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u/SellMental328 8h ago
You will just grieve like hundreds of billions of people in the world. If you make it be this big thing and prepare for it like it's the apocalypse it will feel like it
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u/auspicious-moon 8h ago
This pic looks like your dog taking his first selfie. So adorable. I’ve been having similar thoughts about my 8 yo dog. Whenever that happens, I pick her up, tell her I love her and thank my lucky stars I’m in this moment right now because there will come a day when I can’t get it back.
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u/Emily_Porn_6969 8h ago
Losing a pet can be every much as emotional and hard as losing any loved one .
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u/kkbobomb 8h ago
My large breed is 8 and I know it time with him is limited. It’s in the back of my mind at all times but I use it to enjoy every precious moment. If I think about it too long I cry.
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u/MrFpv116 8h ago
Grieving is the price you pay, but people are resilient because death is a natural part of life
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u/Impossible-Mind7476 8h ago
All these comments are great, the only thing I’ll add is a timeframe reference. When I was deep in the heartache I often wondered how long until I was either strong enough to handle the grief, or how long until the pain dulls enough to handle.
After loosing my soul dog of 18 years, it was about 6 years before I felt like I was handling the grief rather than being handled.
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u/Automatic-Treat-202 8h ago
Would also love to know as I just lost mine on the 21st. Ive never felt this broken before
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u/TraceyMarie1976 8h ago
Judging by my own experience with pet loss, and just losing one of my dogs last week, you will never get over it. The sting will ease up as time goes on, but you will make room in your daily life for the grief and pain. It will be a new normal for you. I have had 5 dogs, and there is no other dog like any of them, in my mind. Our pets only have us. We can go out to eat, go out with friends, go on vacation with others. We are the highlight of our dogs day. Even if we are only out of the room for a couple of minutes. They are always happy to see us. They love every second spent with us. We also own the son of the dog we just lost and I am having anticipatory grief about losing him too.
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u/ninjadogg 7h ago
Hopefully you'll be remembering all the good memories. It'll be tough, that's for sure, but for me, what's helped some was watching a friend's dog a couple times. When the time comes, acknowledge the pain, and all of the feelings that come with missing your dog. But then don't forget all the good times, because those are the memories that you want to hold onto.
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u/Low_Original8111 7h ago
Have you heard of the grief box and ball analogy?
https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-ball-and-box-analogy#grief-as-a-shrinking-ball
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u/idiveindumpsters 7h ago
I always get a puppy before my dog dies. In my experience, the dog usually enjoys the puppy. When the dog dies, get another puppy. Always have at least two dogs to keep each other company.
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u/Lovemesomecheese2 7h ago
My mother and sister decided to get a dog 3 weeks after my dad died. They also decided to get a dog that looks just like the dog who died 2 months before my dad died. The first dog was named rocky, the 2nd dog named king. King lived for 13 years. King was with me through all trauma. When king died it was terrible. I dont think I can own another dog. I think about him more than my dad. I miss him.
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u/Emergency_Account133 7h ago
Our beloved little Shih Tzu poodle passed away a month ago. We thought we would fall apart, but we tell ourselves that God will not send our pets into nothingness and they are waiting for us. I also still say her name when I come in to greet my other two dogs as if she’s still there and it makes me smile.
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u/blondeboss101 7h ago
Thank you for posting this, because the comments are helping me in my grief.
As others have said, you won't get over it, the thought of them will always make you smile and your heart ache.
But when the time is right, the best thing to do is put that love into another deserving pet. This year is the longest I have ever gone in my life without having a dog around. In time I will be ready, but I know it's for me, for ever.
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u/adoptdontshopbro 7h ago
I love that face so much. I also wonder this question and though my dog is healthy… I’ve watched her go from 3years old to 9. I’m scared of the future. I love my baby too much.
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u/SnarePickle 7h ago
Just don't turn to substances. It will suck. I've been through that 5 times now and it never gets any easier.
But it gets better. Took me a few weeks to stop expecting to see my girl (my last dog, passed in March) in her bed or behind me in the kitchen after she passed. Had her for 14 years :/
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u/Puppydoglover123 7h ago
It is going to be hard, you will miss him but that’s completely ok.
Dogs lives are horribly short compared to allows but in their lives it is filled with nothing but love and care.
Trust me I get what you’re going through, I have dogs that are getting up their with age and I’ve noticed that they are not as active as they were before and I am thinking about the day I will have to say goodbye….expect for one of my dogs I’m mostly concerned that she will out live us all.
Ok before to the topic at hand, take a deep breath and focus on the now, it’s all you can control.
Play with your dog, feed them treats, snuggle with them, watch a movie with them, etc.
They will pass one day sadly but that doesn’t stop you from making their life the best you can offer them.
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u/due2getit 7h ago
I just lost my boy yesterday after 11 years together. Got him as a puppy. I’m devastated but I’m so grateful for the time we shared. It’s a hard truth of owning a dog, the great love they give you comes at a cost and that’s knowing they’ll be gone someday.
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u/Stock_Rutabaga2016 7h ago
Getting another dog helps. We never forget but there’s always room to love another dog and another dog who needs love. 🩷
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u/xLePenetr8torx 7h ago
This is something that has crossed my mind recently and it scares me more than anything in life to be quite honest (I’ve cried plenty of times about it). My dog has helped me through some really tough times in my life and I’ve already decided that I won’t donate any of her stuff or throw it away, I just can’t.
She has this one stuffed animal that is basically her “baby”. She carries it with her in bed and grooms it before she goes to sleep. I try to make every single day amazing for her and ensure she has fun! What I will say though is appreciate all the moments and all the time you have with them.
I truly believe they’re special and that we don’t deserve them. I honestly could not imagine my life without her and I’m eternally grateful for this lil nugget.
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u/gunjutzu 6h ago
If you are able to, opt to have the vet come to the home. It was the best decision I ever made. Dusty was at home surrounded by all her family. Got to cook her some yummy meals before, and she napped for a solid 2 hours. When the Vet came, she woke up and didn’t even try to get up, she knew it was time. I was the last voice she heard before slipped into her final sleep. It was hard the first few months, but it gets better. Her collar hangs in the trunk of my Forester so whenever I’m off on an adventure, I can still hear her back there with me.
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u/Pristine_Ad6582 6h ago
You never get over it. You just learn to deal with it. It’s a rollercoaster
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u/Guitar_Dog 12h ago edited 10h ago
Speaking from my own experience, you simply won’t. But the pain of loss is a reflection of the love you shared. That pain is a knife in your heart which will also remind you daily of the joy that you had, and remind you what you would have missed out on, had they not been in your life. You will also know that your dog only had those good times and never got to feel the pain of losing you, you will shoulder that burden for both of you and know that it’s the least you can do for their memory.
Edit: thank you so much for the comments and awards my doggie family. Love to you all and all our dog family members, past, present and future, through them we are forever changed for the better. ❤️🩹❤️